adventure

Ready for Takeoff

Samantha Gratton

Sometimes being ready for adventure means ready to go, ready to leave. We can prep and get excited and begin that transition into a new change. It means new adventures, new possibilities and a new place to land.

But what about the adventure in staying? Seeing it through? What if there’s still more adventure left, right where you are? What if by leaving you’re giving up the biggest adventure of all?

Although perhaps not as glamorous, I’m trying to understand what that might look like. For so long I’ve been waiting to go and now I’m here. I love the change and the challenge going can bring. Yet it’s harder to grasp the depth of those challenges without seeing them through. Because if you’re always chasing something else, you’re never really able to experience the now.

That Girl

Samantha Gratton

Five years ago on a warm spring day with the sense of change in the air, I found this skirt. Feeling artistic after visiting too many art galleries and in the mood to be spontaneous, I bought it on a whim. I was having fun with friends at a cute little vintage shop downtown when I saw it and knew in that moment I could become that girl.

green skirt

That girl in the bright green skirt with red lace. That girl who was cool and confident—able to wear anything that fit. That girl who was fun and inspiring, with a sense of adventure and excitement. I wanted it all and knew $14 later, I would be that much closer.

Guess what?

The tags are still on it. That skirt has moved with me 6 times now, always with the hope that one day I’d find the top that somehow matches and the right occasion to take it off the hanger. It’s time to stop. Stuff can’t define someone. That skirt was not going to change me any more than yesterday’s haircut. Furthermore, it’s well past time to stop romanticizing about the power of such a gaudy skirt. It’s time instead to open it up for someone else to own it. With any luck it will actually be worn in the next five years.

goodwill box

Earth Shattering

Samantha Gratton

As I lay on the couch surrounded by tissues and cold remedies, watching yet another documentary on Netflix, I am guessing you are not jealous at all of my “adventures.” Oh yeah, let’s also remember to add the fact that I am currently searching for a job. Living the life.

Okay, so maybe my life isn’t awe-inspiring today. Despite a move without security, some bold decisions and my proximity to the mountains, here I am, struggling to breathe out of my nose. Impressive, huh? Maybe paying the bills and doing dishes is inevitable. So succumb to the mediocrity? No. But don’t be inhibited by it either.

I think sometimes we can let passion and excitement get away from us. We start dreaming of greatness and impact. The vision can seem so clear in our minds. It’s awesome, too. We need that vision, that drive, that passion. But when life throws something more mundane our way, we can get completely thrown off track. For some, that means not ever dealing with the chores and responsibilities of life in order to keep on towards the dream. For others, it amounts to being bogged down so much by the monotony that we lose sight of the dream. Both are terrible pitfalls.

We have to fight through both to achieve anything. And the word is fight. It can’t happen without insane effort and perseverance. I’m also of the belief that it can’t all happen at once and it can’t all happen (more on that later). There’s going to be lulls and there will be peaks. But I truly think that consistency makes all the difference. The continual push, the major and minor decisions. Keep pressing forward.

Traveling with Candor

Samantha Gratton

To sum up what traveling means to me is near impossible. It’s inspiring and wonderful and challenging and ridiculous and special and ordinary and vital all in one breath. Every time I go somewhere it makes me feel that much more alive. While it’s thrilling and sometimes adventurous, it also brings a negative side that’s just as much of a reminder of being alive.

The month I spent in China in college was the first traveling experience I remember that brought me to tears. I loved so many parts of my trip but the other half of the time I felt such a bitter loneliness and deep void that I couldn’t escape. Everything that was wrong with society and myself and my future was staring me in the face. I was trapped under this burden of angst and misery amongst the beauties and excitement of China. While I can’t even remember all that I was struggling with at the time, it shaped me. It certainly wasn’t the first thing I mentioned about my trip, if it was mentioned at all, but it was just as valuable of an experience.

The past few days we had the pleasure of spending time visiting with relatives and ringing in the new year in Music City. While it was wonderful to see everyone and experience our first snowfall this winter, it brought on some moments of pain. Facing insecurities and an unknown future isn’t exactly the kind of conversation you toss in between karaoke numbers. This wasn’t the trip that left us inspired by every opportunity or eager for more. It had touches of anxiety and longing instead. Not exactly the trip we planned, but perhaps the trip we needed. 

When you find a routine, you can sometimes shelf those fears and failures while you go on with regular daily life. You forget the past if you can and ignore the impending future. But as soon as you leave that routine and surrender yourself to a wide open sky and a long car ride through the mountains, there’s no telling what your inner thoughts will unravel and unveil.

While at times arduous and other times jovial, I was grateful for the time of travel. It forced growth and contemplation, insight and creativity—and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Travel brings out all the elements, whether you’re ready or not. 

A Little Bit

Samantha Gratton

I’m confused. I’m freaked out. I’m conflicted. I’m stressed. I’m relieved. I’m excited. I’m hopeful. I’m defeated. I’m speechless. I’m overwhelmed. I’m terrified. I’m brave. I’m exhausted.

These are just a few of the current states I bounce back and forth between. The adventure has certainly not ended yet, and I’m starting to get the feeling that it never truly will. Recently, I took another little leap into the unknown. There’s some crazy to it with some good reason mixed in, too. The bottom line is – what do you want your life to be about?

For me, it’s not work, and work alone. While there’s more to discuss on this stance, for now, I’ll fill you in a little on the latest. That job that I got? I decided to leave it. The root cause? Work/life balance is a vital part of life for me, and it wasn’t happening there.

I have so many views on this whole ordeal as it wasn’t the easiest decision I’ve ever made, although it does seem like the right one. In some ways, I’ve never felt more empowered to actually stick up for myself and what mattered more. In other ways, I feel like an utter failure for not being tough enough to stick it out as I know there are certainly worse jobs in the world. For this tiny portion of time it feels like I have taken my good, stable life and traded it out for a melting ice cream cone. And then knocked the top scoop to the cement.

There’s a lot to figure out from here, and it’s all feeling rather tumultuous right now. Because not only did I quit, but they then asked me to stick around a while longer to work as a contractor. Where my life is going right now, I have no idea. Please see paragraph 1 for more details.

Count it

Samantha Gratton

Let’s take a little inventory on life right now. Because frankly, sometimes all at once I am wrapped up in the complete absurdity of it all. This is a small snapshot of what I realize:

  • Three months ago today was our last day at work at our old jobs.
  • Three days later, we packed all of our things and drove halfway across the country.
  • Three weeks later (exactly three weeks from the day we moved), we moved again to our new home with job offers.
  • Three times our car has been towed for repairs.
  • Three different couples have hung out with us so far.
  • We’ve visited eight different churches (I couldn’t keep the three thing going any more).
  • The hubby’s gained seven pounds (finally).
  • The number of nights I’ve worked past eight is far too high.
  • Five skype tours have been given of our new digs.
  • I’ve gotten sick four times.
  • Nine craigslist deals have been made in North Carolina.
  • 95 blog posts about this move/adventure have been written to date.

A lot has happened in a very short time. It all went so fast. Before taking it all on I would have guessed we’d still be in someone else’s basement at this point. Now I’m wondering how we got here so quickly. As I sit on a newly acquired craigslist couch and look around my apartment I still can’t totally grasp that this is it. Is the adventure part done now that we’ve moved, found jobs and maybe even found a church? I don’t think so. But I can’t say it’s been the adventure I thought it would be.

I don’t feel I am articulating all of my thoughts very well right now, but in essence, this all happened before I realized. We slid into our new lives, it seemed, before I knew what was happening. Some of that has been great and some of it might need to be rearranged. Time will tell what stays and what goes in this new life of ours.