Regardless of any blogging challenge, the Thursday Three is ingrained in my brain. Speaking of things ingrained in the brain…according to my book on tape (aka audiobook) if you rhyme a statement, people seem to think there is more truth in it than a statement that means the very same thing but doesn’t rhyme. Crazy, eh?
1. Sometimes we all need to get away. Last weekend at the mountains was a great way to do that. We hiked a mountain, walked around town, ate some BBQ and stumbled across a small wine festival. All in all, a good time.
2. Sometimes we fall apart. Appearances aside, we all struggle with something. No one is perfect. No one has it all figured out. The more we compare ourselves to others, more more lies we convince ourselves of. So let’s just take that idyllic little trip to the mountains and add a bit of “life feeling like a lot.” There you have it. Reality.
3. Sometimes we need a night off. This week has been just as full as always, but sometimes we need a night in our ugly comfy clothes and the blogging is simply short and sweet.
Sometimes, the best way to connect with people is by turning off your phones and computers and actually being with them. That’s what we’ll be doing for the next day and a half for a mini-trip to the mountains.
To sum up what traveling means to me is near impossible. It’s inspiring and wonderful and challenging and ridiculous and special and ordinary and vital all in one breath. Every time I go somewhere it makes me feel that much more alive. While it’s thrilling and sometimes adventurous, it also brings a negative side that’s just as much of a reminder of being alive.
The month I spent in China in college was the first traveling experience I remember that brought me to tears. I loved so many parts of my trip but the other half of the time I felt such a bitter loneliness and deep void that I couldn’t escape. Everything that was wrong with society and myself and my future was staring me in the face. I was trapped under this burden of angst and misery amongst the beauties and excitement of China. While I can’t even remember all that I was struggling with at the time, it shaped me. It certainly wasn’t the first thing I mentioned about my trip, if it was mentioned at all, but it was just as valuable of an experience.
The past few days we had the pleasure of spending time visiting with relatives and ringing in the new year in Music City. While it was wonderful to see everyone and experience our first snowfall this winter, it brought on some moments of pain. Facing insecurities and an unknown future isn’t exactly the kind of conversation you toss in between karaoke numbers. This wasn’t the trip that left us inspired by every opportunity or eager for more. It had touches of anxiety and longing instead. Not exactly the trip we planned, but perhaps the trip we needed.
When you find a routine, you can sometimes shelf those fears and failures while you go on with regular daily life. You forget the past if you can and ignore the impending future. But as soon as you leave that routine and surrender yourself to a wide open sky and a long car ride through the mountains, there’s no telling what your inner thoughts will unravel and unveil.
While at times arduous and other times jovial, I was grateful for the time of travel. It forced growth and contemplation, insight and creativity—and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Travel brings out all the elements, whether you’re ready or not.
Sometimes, it feels this way. After you move and the dust starts to settle on your finally assembled dining room table and recently hung wall decor, what’s left? We moved. We found jobs. We found a place to live. We found the nearest Target. Stocked the fridge. Took a mini-vacay to the ocean. Hiked the mountains. Let everyone know we made it. We’re “living the life” – I guess.
Now comes the hardest part yet. Finding people.
Last night we went to an open mic and sadly realized we won’t be seeing any of our usual Des Moines music scene people. Not only that, but we won’t see any people we know or recognize. We have no “people” here. Frankly, that can be quite the hurdle to overcome.
Proving yourself. But not talking yourself up. Being eager and friendly. Not creeping anyone out. Taking chances. Playing it safe. Being excited to be here. Being chill and easy going. Taking things seriously. Joking around. Joining the crowd. Standing out.
What!?
Who is it that you want me to be? I’m exhausted just trying to keep up. It’s hard to always be “on” with people. It’s a struggle to know what part of “me” to be around people. I want to be just me, but sometimes it seems that “me” is pretty worthless without a deeper meaning and/or connection to “them”. What can I offer? Who do I know? What do we have in common? Well, in answer to all of those questions – not much.
So this is that hard part we all saw coming. Can’t do much but ride it out.
