failure

Brink

Samantha Gratton

We’re on the brink. On the brink of a new year, another shot at growth and change and good. With baggage from the past, both good and bad, we look forward. We run towards what’s ahead.

As I transition from one job to (hopefully soon) another, one state to another, one home to another, one family (nearby) to another, one car to (unfortunately soon) another, one year to another…I can’t help but feel the weight of that brink. Possibilities are open (not endless—I don’t believe in that). Inspiration is rampant. Failure is inevitable. Greatness is plausible.

I am so excited for what is to come. While I don’t yet know what that means, I want to be ready and waiting for it. That way, when the time comes, I am ready to make that leap. 

Can you feel it? The restlessness and wonder and awe of the unknown? Can you believe that the story isn’t over? I just can’t help but feel like I am about to explode with hope for what is to come.

A Little Bit

Samantha Gratton

I’m confused. I’m freaked out. I’m conflicted. I’m stressed. I’m relieved. I’m excited. I’m hopeful. I’m defeated. I’m speechless. I’m overwhelmed. I’m terrified. I’m brave. I’m exhausted.

These are just a few of the current states I bounce back and forth between. The adventure has certainly not ended yet, and I’m starting to get the feeling that it never truly will. Recently, I took another little leap into the unknown. There’s some crazy to it with some good reason mixed in, too. The bottom line is – what do you want your life to be about?

For me, it’s not work, and work alone. While there’s more to discuss on this stance, for now, I’ll fill you in a little on the latest. That job that I got? I decided to leave it. The root cause? Work/life balance is a vital part of life for me, and it wasn’t happening there.

I have so many views on this whole ordeal as it wasn’t the easiest decision I’ve ever made, although it does seem like the right one. In some ways, I’ve never felt more empowered to actually stick up for myself and what mattered more. In other ways, I feel like an utter failure for not being tough enough to stick it out as I know there are certainly worse jobs in the world. For this tiny portion of time it feels like I have taken my good, stable life and traded it out for a melting ice cream cone. And then knocked the top scoop to the cement.

There’s a lot to figure out from here, and it’s all feeling rather tumultuous right now. Because not only did I quit, but they then asked me to stick around a while longer to work as a contractor. Where my life is going right now, I have no idea. Please see paragraph 1 for more details.