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We Made It

Samantha Gratton

I am so tired, and sore, and exhausted that I am struggling to lift my fork to eat this crepe (you read that correctly – there’s a crepe place where I live! And I can eat them!). My little arms are screaming at me but my brain is racing. The past 24 hours have been insane. I think I’d like to take a week-long nap followed by a day-long shower.

But as of this moment, we have a home. We live somewhere. And we slept in our own bed last night for the first time in over three weeks.

We also have too much stuff.

Taking all of our worldly possessions down from the storage unit, out to the truck, down the ramp and sidewalk stairs and then finally up the flight of stairs to our new apartment has left us with this realization. We have too much stuff. We aren’t sure how or why or when we acquired all of these things, but the new way of life is “less is more” from here on out. That or, next time we move we’ll sell everything we own and then buy it all back over time. With each step we questioned the worth of the items we spent so much time, money and physical pain to keep. Over a thousand dollars to rent a truck and drive it halfway across the country (Penske is the way to go), another hundred for a climate controlled storage unit for a month, a couple hundred dollars in boxes/tape/rope/blankets (even with the donation of boxes from friends)…it all adds up. And for what? A life lesson learned the hard way. Less is more.

We did have a garage sale beforehand though and felt we got rid of things, which freed us up to make some purchases that we are so glad we acquired here instead of lugging across the country. Before loading up the truck, we snagged some major craigslist deals. We bought our first washer and dryer, a nice couch set, a bike rack and the hubby upgraded his bike for his new daily commute. We left a car back in Iowa to sell and will try and live on just one car for awhile.

Everything went so quickly, and overall, so smoothly. We’ve really been blessed by that and all we’ve been given. We had great friends help us pack the truck, wonderful relatives providing us with a “home base” (and friendship, meals and muscles too) and have been blessed by the kindness of strangers as we pick up these miscellaneous items and navigate around town. As we made a midnight run to Walmart last night for cleaning supplies and ice cream, we looked at each other and said, We did it. We made it. It certainly wasn’t done alone, but we did it together. We drove across the country, just us. We packed the bulk of our house and moved the bulk of our things and will inevitably unpack all of those things – just us. Hubby said last night that he felt like we were newlyweds all over again. Just figuring things out with a fresh start. Stuff or no stuff, the best thing we’ve had on this move was each other. Call me cheesy, but I’m pretty thankful for my husband and getting to do this thing together, with him. This thing called life.

Off the Radar

Samantha Gratton

In the last few weeks we’ve felt as though we’ve been living off the radar a bit, and I can’t deny that it’s been great. Sure, we check Facebook and call our moms, but we haven’t had any real obligations. That’s not to say that there hasn’t been much to do. We’ve packed, unpacked, re-packed, unpacked and are about to do a full pack once more. We’ve changed our address, driver’s license, bank, grocery store and time zone. We’ve also been driving all over the state for a combination of vacation, job hunting, visiting relatives and exploration. We’ve slept in six different beds in six different towns in the last two weeks and have let our number of showers and personal hygiene go down a little.

We’ve had an incredible opportunity to just be. When we wake up, we wake up. We walk into any store or public place knowing no one will know us. On Thursday, we went for it and did open mic night at the bar down the street (hubby was the real performer, but I sang a number as well). We can try any church we want to or we can take a weekend at the beach instead. We haven’t kept in close contact with anyone really, which will change as we settle into a routine (and get phones with cell service). Ultimately, I’m glad we were able to have space in between as we transition from one life to the next.

Come Monday, we’ll be moving into our next new (more permanent) home for awhile. It will be good and challenging and different, but right now, I am grateful that we had the chance to take a break and catch our breaths. Although things worked out pretty quickly, I’d say having some time to transition slowly, to look around and to spend time together was the best thing possible. There’s a lot to sort through with a move. A lot of stress and thinking about what just happened and what’s about to happen. How we’ve stripped a large part of our lives away in exchange for one with more uncertainty. But I’m glad we did it. The more time we have to sit back and evaluate, the more thankful I am. We’ll miss things and people and routines, but it was time. Time to move on and embrace the change.

Closer to Family*

Samantha Gratton

Over a month ago I blogged about why we were moving and on that list was to be closer to family. It had a star clarifying that while we’d be farther from other family, we still wanted to be closer to family. Beyond that, I think more clarification is needed.

Right now, we’re real close. I’m talking packed in the same house with a sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew. I get to hear “Auntie Sam, Auntie Sam” all day long and talk late into the night with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. There’s an added sense of community and ownership with your family. Without kids of our own, our nieces and nephews are definitely people we want to invest in and see grow up into wonderful, giving people. It’s an awesome thing to be a part of, even in small way.

Today we’ll go visit the hubby’s grandma who recently celebrated her 80th year. We’re excited to be a part of her life and visit more than once every two years. It’s hard to know I’m so much farther from my grandparents, but I’m glad to be able to visit one of our grandparents.

All of this said, being closer to family was one part of this move. Family is a great and beautiful and even challenging thing. But it isn’t the thing. Only one thing can be the thing to plan your life around. The thing to put all of your faith, hope and love into is a relationship with Christ. When Jesus first starting calling disciples, they were in all different stages in life. Some left their family (Matt. 4:21-22), some left their jobs (Matt. 9:9). He called others to leave their wealth (Mark 10:21) and I’m guessing many left some friends, dreams and goals as well.

Family is a blessing and a gift, but it can’t be our main priority. Jobs are a great thing, and we’re called to work hard. Leadership and volunteering is an admirable thing. Growth and learning is awesome. All of these things are good, but not one of them is the “main thing.” Each of these can be important to have in life. But if you focus too much on one thing, what if you’re missing the bigger picture? What if following God means there’s so much more in store for you than a great job? Or weekly meals with extended family? Or another certificate to hang on the wall? What if these things, as great as they might be, hold you back from an even greater life of following Him?

I think I’m learning to value what we have in this life, yet be willing to let it all go. That statement alone is terrifying, but we can’t hold on too tight. It’s not ours. It may be a good thing and a helpful thing, but unless it’s the thing, we have to be willing to let it go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Quick Change

Samantha Gratton

Thanks to some recent interviews, we have become experts on the following topic. It’s an art really. Here’s your quick, go-to guide to prepping for an interview in a public restroom…

  1. Bring all of your interview clothes and hang them in your blind spot as you drive to the area of your interview in more comfortable clothing.
  2. About 45-60 minutes prior to the interview, locate the nearest shopping mall, pharmacy or grocery store.
  3. Gather your things and make sure you have a plan for what to do with your current clothes. For instance: wear your comfy shoes even though it doesn’t match the rest of your outfit for the sake of one less thing to carry out to the car following the change. 
  4. Walk in like you own the place. Consider this equal to a stop at home to change clothes and make no apologies for what you are about to do.
  5. Make a beeline straight to the bathroom. Do not make eye contact with anyone or ask any questions. Remember, you are on a mission.
  6. Get pretty. Oh, and put on an extra dose of confidence. 
  7. Walk straight back to the car. Do not acknowledge anyone who raises an eyebrow as you speed by following your costume change.
  8. Rock the interview!

Bits and Pieces

Samantha Gratton

Now that we’ve been here a full week, I feel it’s only fair to give a quick update. We’ve been splitting time between hanging out with family (hubby’s sister and her husband, son and daughter) and running around trying to become real live North Carolinians. We have yet to figure out what our life might look like, so prayer is most appreciated. Here’s a few realizations and fun facts worth note as of late:

  • It will always take longer than you think to drive halfway across the country, just plan on it.
  • You get to smile when you get your driver’s license! (You also have to take a written test to acquire said NC license and thankfully we both passed.)
  • The pronunciation of “Des Moines” is officially “Dez Moinezz” this side of the Mississippi – no matter what you say to try and change their minds.
  • Seeing the movie Zookeeper is not worth your time, even if the theater is having a free showing at 9:30 a.m. 
  • Always wear a t-shirt when holding an infant. Vomiting is frequent and inspired by loud noises, recent feedings, laughter or boredom.
  • Saying “y’all” is the only way you’ll ever fit in. We haven’t quite managed to pull it off without a giggle, completely blowing our cover. 
  • Everything closes before 9 p.m. in a small mountain town.
  • With a new library card you can only check out four books. Once you return those books, your limit jumps to 30 books at a time for the real bookworms. 
  • The life of a two-year-old is an emotional roller coaster. Magic words: Elmo time, leggos, basketball and cake.
  • The beach is awesome, but a full body sunburn makes it unforgettable.

Your Turn?

Samantha Gratton

I think we’ve reached the point where I just want to give up and tell someone else to make it happen these next few days. When every hour counts, it’s disappointing to find myself trapped in some worthless ones. Running around town today nobody had the things I needed (Uhaul, Walmart, Uhaul #2) and to top it off I ran out of gas and had to be rescued. Just like that. Whoops.

My house is a total mess and by the end of the night I can’t figure out how I manage to push through packing until 11 p.m. when the Olympics are done before collapsing in bed. It’s all quite exhausting and as much as it seems we’re constantly packing and preparing, just one look around the corner confirms that we’re nowhere near close to being done.

Plenty of people have asked if there’s anything they can do to help. But we’ve reached the worst part of the packing bit. The better half of things have been packed like books, DVDs, dishes. What’s left is the odds and ends that I can’t figure out how to pack in the slightest (lamps, plants, clothes, miscellaneous junk drawer items) and the phone calls to change our address. Not exactly the time to pass on the torch. So just what is it that I can legitimately ask these volunteers to help me with?

Prepared

Samantha Gratton

As we pack up, write to-do lists and make countless phone calls we keep readying ourselves for this move. We’ve each made smaller moves before, and I moved a bit more as a kid. I’ve read the blogs and we’ve talked plenty with other people that have moved. We’re ready, right?

Unlike most practical people, we’ve decided to participate in Ragbrai a week and a half before we move. Ragbrai is a week-long bike ride across the state of Iowa that occurs each year in July. Neither of us have ever ridden it before, so we committed to do a day or two together (prior to deciding to move). For months we’ve tried to get some miles in and work our way up and down hills. We’ve read blogs, talked to others who’ve done it and bought some supplies. We’re ready, right? 

What I’ve come to find is that whether or not we are ready cannot really be determined before we do it. We could try and compare to others and say, “if he can do it, so can I!” or “We’re in far better shape than they are!” But does it matter what they think or how we compare? Whether we’re ready or not, we’ll still have to actually do it. And guess what? I have a feeling my miles on the bike will help, but that it’s still going to be a challenge tomorrow. I’ll still feel the pain in my knees and sweat on my face. I’ll still be exhausted at the end of it all. And on mile 36, it doesn’t matter if I’m better off than someone else, because regardless, I’ll still have another 50 miles to go in the day. 

I think it will be the same with this move. We can try to prepare and talk to others. We can read up and be told we’ll be fine. But we’re still going to have to do it, and it’s still going to be hard. With it comes stress and pain and exhaustion. No matter how much we prepare, that can’t be avoided. And we’ll have to face it. We’ll have to get through each mile whether there is wind, rain, sun or bumps. We’re going to do this move and feel all of the elements against us. It might be fine in the end, but there’s no denying that it’s a real part of what we’re taking on. I think I want to embrace that and acknowledge that, as opposed to trying to overlook it. With this adventure comes a lot of challenges and risks. There’s no point in sugar-coating it. We’re going to do it though, and do it together as a team and be stronger in the end.

Motivation behind the Drive

Samantha Gratton

In recent weeks there has been much discussion about our vehicles. Far more than I wish was the case. Currently, they are both posted on Craigslist, but that only means so much. At first, the plan was to sell both cars and buy a newer and better one to share. A few hours after we left the hubby’s car in the driveway we got a call from the city saying 1. We couldn’t sell a car there if we weren’t the owner of the house and 2. We couldn’t park on the lawn (okay, it was two tires on the lawn, two tires on the driveway due to our garage sale earlier that day). It felt like we were already failing when we had just begun.

The grand idea was that regardless of what one car we’d take, we could have someone else drive it there. That didn’t pan out. It’s fine and no questions asked. So, we went with Plan B – tow it with the truck. Neither of us were thrilled about this idea but felt it’d be better to be together and we’d just hope for the best. All the while, we continued to look for the car we’d like to buy and take with us.

This week it’s all hit. The car we had made an offer on turned out to be not quite as reliable as we needed it to be in order to make an offer. That was a major letdown. Plan C – take my car and fix it up a little more to make sure we’d be set for awhile. We took it in for an oil change and there are a few things we’ll need to do to it which will all add up. But, that’s what owning a car is, right? Repairs.

Before I can get my head around the fact that we’ve just changed plans in such a short time, I get more news. We’ve been advised to not tow the car. Just drive the truck. Figure out the car thing when we get there.

I might melt right here and now into a little puddle of stress and tears. We wanted to only drive the truck in the first place. Of course that’s ideal. We’ve been looking and trying to find the right and affordable vehicle for the past two months and just came up short. So, we shouldn’t bank on finding a car when we get there, to a much smaller town and area, as if it will be a quick and easy endeavor. Finally, while this advice may be quite valid, it doesn’t seem to solve the problem but rather presents a new one. 

I think the hardest part about this idea is that so many things are going out the door – jobs, furniture, stability, money. Having a car was the one thing that separates us from 12-year-olds as we stuff everything we own into a basement. We are about to go live in someone else’s home while we look for jobs. How will we be able to look for jobs (in another city 3 hours away from where we plan to live) without a car? The thought makes me feel stuck and trapped in a town we’d never want to live in without a way out. Plus, there’s no denying that this is a significant change in our lives. Going from a small house of two adults to a busy house of six – two of whom are children. It’s a lot to take on even with healthy boundaries. The thought of being there without a car, I can’t do it. I need to be able to know I have that final freedom to drive away. Drive to get out of the house. Drive to look for a job. Drive to familiarize myself with the area. Drive to have a moment of alone time. Drive to be free. 

Oblivious

Samantha Gratton

“What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” But what if it should?

Ignorance is bliss, but are we really called to be ignorant people for the sake of bliss? I want to be happy just as much as the next person, but I don’t want it to come at the expense of authenticity. Being aware and understanding of the truth is a real part of life. It’s an important one – it allows us to feel and give empathy, and at times, take action. Don’t close your eyes to the world. Don’t take refuge in the suburbs, whether that be in the metaphorical or physical sense. Ask questions. Dig deeper. Oblivion is not an acceptable excuse. Oblivion only goes so far before it’s blatant.

The List

Samantha Gratton

Ever since we started talking seriously about moving, I’ve been considering “the list” – which of course consists of everything we need to do before we go. In order to do that, one must first define what it means to be from around here. What do I need to do here before going there? Which of these things declare my obvious residency and lack of tourist naivete? And then, do you do things you’ve done 100 times just one last time? Or do you do things you’ve never done but have heard you should do?

…

Over a month ago when I first drafted the above paragraph, I had high hopes of achieving the impossible. I wanted to live and breathe Des Moines, the state of Iowa and the entire Midwest as much as I could. While in theory it may be a good idea, it just can’t happen. Sure, I’ll try to see a few people in the next few weeks and use all of our Groupons, but we’ve got to start thinking about what’s ahead. There’s preparations to make, jobs to find and a house to pack. Not to mention, current jobs still to work and everyday life to live.

I think sometimes I try too hard to pack it all in. I’m constantly thinking that I’ve gotten better about overcoming my tendency to over-schedule. But I still find myself running around trying to do it all and pretending that in the end it will be worth it and we’ll be happier and better because of it. It’s the same trap every time. Instead, we wind up exhausted and annoyed about our commitments regardless how fun they may actually end up being. So, I think we will have to remember Iowa for the memories it’s already provided instead of the ones I was going to try and cram in during our final days. I can’t deny that our last week here is already packed full, but I will vow to try to reign in on the incidentals. These days aren’t about discovering Des Moines – they’re for spending time with established friends, packing and prepping to move and most importantly, being together through it all.