That basically sums it up. Over a quick weekend out-of-town, I think it sunk in for me. We’re doing alright. We are. We really are. And past that, we’re growing and learning and healing and developing. Some of the past few days, and even weeks, have been rough. Some of them have been as easy as can be. Sometimes we stress over the future and what it holds. Sometimes dwell too much on the past. There are good and bad things on either side of the present, but all in all, we’re doing just fine. This move has been good for us. Good for our marriage, good for our perseverance, good for our faith and good for our lives. I’ve thought it and mentioned it in passing. Now it’s time to say it out loud—we’re doing alright.
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The Biggest Thing to Happen Since the iPhone
Tonight was our first official potential friend date. I haven’t exactly been secretive about the fact that I am on the hunt for new (best) friends. So much so, that I asked myself out on a friend date with someone from work and his wife. Once we were halfway through dinner and things seemed to be going well, we admitted to the milestone – first couple friend date. In return, they asked us if we needed to take a picture to mark the moment or if we were that desperate. Fair enough. The answer? Heck yes.
They’ve lived in the area for a few years; he has actually lived here even longer, having gone to school around here. Although they teased us for going to desperate measures, they also said they had no couple friends. The worst part is, I know they aren’t the only ones. I’m not sure if it’s the nature of twentysomethings or our over dependance on all things technology and social media, but I will say that I am adamantly opposed to being friendless. Having hundreds of social media “friends” or a few people you run in to randomly at a bar just does not cut it. I want to shout it from the rooftops – WE ALL NEED FRIENDS! It’s okay to admit to that! Just don’t quit trying to find, make and keep friends.
Because you know what? As charming as the cast of Modern Family may be, they aren’t going to be able to talk you through a bad day. Your Google calendar will not remember your favorite type of dessert. Instagram will not understand your expression and interact with you. Facebook is never going to ask what your goals, dreams and hopes are in life. Don’t give up! Don’t give in to these modern conveniences! People need friends (I know, I’m one of them). People who are established, people who are new, people who are friendly, people who are rude—they all need real-live human interaction with people who love and care for them. Seek it out. Be intentional. Find those relationships and invest in them like crazy.
Those Days
Today was one of those days. Those days when you can’t seem to get out of bed or figure out what to wear. You hair isn’t cooperating, and the only way you could fit in breakfast was by eating yogurt during the car ride to work. Then you get some coffee and hope it all turns around. I had a rare “early out” at work today due to a very late night of work last night, meaning I was ready to hit the road by 3 p.m. and check off my list of to-dos including a long overdue trip to the bank and scoping out a new gym.
About three blocks from work I found myself instead stalled in the middle of a busy street as my apartment “relocation specialist” continued to make sure I couldn’t feel any more unwelcome over the phone. I attempted to restart the car to no avail. Hazards went on, a frantic voicemail to the hubby was left and a long call with AAA began as cars drove around my sad little car. Even if I could push a car by myself, who would steer? I was in the middle of three-lane traffic in an area I hardly knew. Eventually though, someone went and parked at the nearby grocery store to come back and push me down the road, all the while flagging traffic. I am so grateful for that stranger.
An hour later, the tow truck showed up and lo and behold – same guy as last time. Considering it had been so recent since I last saw him with the same problem (albeit, in far less perilous of a location) I could ask about how his new daytime shift was going, hear his anger about the replacement refs and tell him about my lackluster visit at the previous shop. The repair shop that a month ago said nothing was wrong with the car after it was towed there and spent two days being “worked on.” Sigh. He towed me to a new place and actually walked in to talk to the owner to explain the problem with the car he’d become so well acquainted with.
As I hurriedly biked to the bank to accomplish something today, I passed a few kids walking to the park. They shouted “Hello!” and I couldn’t help but smile and say hello right back. I thought about how kids have it so easy. How they don’t have the stressors of life bogging them down… but they think they do. They have struggles at school and clinging to their favorite toy at all times might make or break their happiness. To us though, those issues are so little in the large scheme of things. And really, aren’t mine too? I am quite alright. I may not have the greatest car or own a house or be making much money, but my life is good. Being stalled in the middle of a busy road caused some stress and sweat, but I had help from a stranger. The bank lobby closed before I managed to arrive, but I got to enjoy a fine moment of awkwardness at the drive-thru window on my bike. Even though it wasn’t at a gym, I got a workout in today. So chalk it up to one of “those days” but I’m okay because I am sure to experience new mercies every morning.
Call Me Maeby
I think in a recent post I made it fairly clear that we don’t quite have friends yet. It’s true. We’re friendless. But, we’re doing what we can to be a part of this new community of ours and finding more and more how much we’re going to love it (especially when we get friends). Seriously, this place is great. We keep having moments where we look around and say, “Wow, we live here!” Don’t get me wrong, Des Moines was (and is) great, too. There’s just something special about discovering a place for the first time.
In effort to both see the place and meet people, we had a fairly busy weekend. This includes all of the essentials: an outdoor show, hiking, an indoor show, a local coffee shop, a couple of churches, a guitar & amp show and a delicious brunch spot. Our general thought process being – why not? We don’t have much to lose or much else in our schedule. Everything we’ve visited has been pretty cool, but I must admit, is not quite as fun without friends. I’m enjoying going to the grocery store without running into someone I know, but going to a coffee shop where everyone feels like a family makes me miss our favorite coffee shop in Des Moines. Going to an outdoor show is almost lonely when you keep seeing people who look “exactly” like someone you used to know. Church isn’t the same without having lunch with friends afterwards, and it’ll come as no surprise that the hubby would have likely preferred someone more musically inclined than myself at the guitar & amp show. But, at least we’ve got each other.
Today, the unexpected happened—I got some digits. We told our waitress at said brunch spot that we had recently moved. Honestly, we’ve been telling everyone from the clerk at the grocery store to the guy passing out flyers on the street in hopes that someone will decide to adopt us into their group of friends. This was no different. We said we didn’t know what to order because we just moved here and there it was. Our story was told. “We just went for it… No jobs…We have jobs now… We love it here.” When she left us the check, she also passed me her number. SUCCESS!
Now I’m debating proper friend date etiquette. Call? Text? Wait a week? Wait a day? Coffee? Lunch? Oh, it’s all so new, but I am totally thrilled to have a friend prospect.
Who are you?
But more importantly, who are you to me?
Sometimes, it feels this way. After you move and the dust starts to settle on your finally assembled dining room table and recently hung wall decor, what’s left? We moved. We found jobs. We found a place to live. We found the nearest Target. Stocked the fridge. Took a mini-vacay to the ocean. Hiked the mountains. Let everyone know we made it. We’re “living the life” – I guess.
Now comes the hardest part yet. Finding people.
Last night we went to an open mic and sadly realized we won’t be seeing any of our usual Des Moines music scene people. Not only that, but we won’t see any people we know or recognize. We have no “people” here. Frankly, that can be quite the hurdle to overcome.
Proving yourself. But not talking yourself up. Being eager and friendly. Not creeping anyone out. Taking chances. Playing it safe. Being excited to be here. Being chill and easy going. Taking things seriously. Joking around. Joining the crowd. Standing out.
What!?
Who is it that you want me to be? I’m exhausted just trying to keep up. It’s hard to always be “on” with people. It’s a struggle to know what part of “me” to be around people. I want to be just me, but sometimes it seems that “me” is pretty worthless without a deeper meaning and/or connection to “them”. What can I offer? Who do I know? What do we have in common? Well, in answer to all of those questions – not much.
So this is that hard part we all saw coming. Can’t do much but ride it out.
Less is More
There are things I want. And sometimes I want them now. Or at least, I think I want them now.
I could blame it on our culture and say the world has convinced us that instant gratification is the way to go, the way to be. But really, my own selfish desires get in the way as I think I can get my way now, just because I want to.
We don’t know what the future holds, and we can’t and we won’t. We can dream. We can hope. We can try to prepare. But it might still mean an entirely different life than we first imagined. All of that’s okay, but we’re going to have to wait it out.
With that waiting, must come discipline. I’m talking particularly about our finances. A little less than a year ago, we kissed debt goodbye and were able to save, allowing us the possibility to make this move across the country. While in the past few months our budget has been all over the place, we are going to buckle down now and save whatever we can. I can’t say that I totally love it, but I think it will be worth it…not now, but later. To me, it feels like we’ve already been living the life of a frugal young couple. In some ways, we have, but it’s time to make some serious sacrifices.
This means living with less. Less trips to the grocery store just to grab some ice cream or a chocolate bar. Less impulse buys at H&M. Less eating out. Less scouring craigslist “just because.” Less Groupon purchases. Less “needs” at Target. Less waste. Less chasing after empty promises of a better image or “success.”
It also means more. Living with more intention. More meal planning. More trips to Goodwill, Aldi and the dollar store. More research on our purchases. More thought about what’s at stake down the road in lieu of another $20 item at Target. More working together to meet our goals. More creativity. More opportunities to give. More opportunities to live.
Heart Stirs
In the past week I had the pleasure of taking a quick trip to Boston to visit a friend and take full advantage of the rest of my “vacation time” before starting my new job on Monday. It’s a beautiful city I’d never been to before and although we’re still exploring our new hometown, it was great to get away. Most of the day she worked, which left me with plenty of time to think and pray as I rode the train and walked around town.
We just moved halfway across the country and maybe experienced more adventure than most face in any given year. I can’t help but ask what’s around the bend. We’ve gotten this far and for the most part, without a hitch. So just what’s in store for us now that we’re here? Because clearly, we’re here for something, and I think it must be something big considering how quickly and smoothly things went. For four days I walked around a busy and historic city thinking about just that. When I returned, I recounted all of these thoughts, plans, ideas, hopes, goals and questions to the hubby.
So last night, over some fruit and cheese, we said whatever came to mind about this future in front of us. What might we face in the next few years? Going back to school? Owning a business? Having biological children? Adopting children? Working a second job? Taking a trip? Buying a house?
In this, we also talked about the difference between contentment and readiness. Being content with what you have is an extremely important lesson. But being comfortable is not what we were called to be. Neither are we called to be mediocre or secure or stagnant. We want to make the most of this life that we have been blessed with and our hearts are being stirred.
Ode to the Taurus
So long, sweet Taurus
our beloved car, you drove so well
or at least, you drove so far… for awhile…
237,000 plus miles is something to brag about
but you did it with such grace and middle-class style
You were our “get-away” and all-purpose car —
once decorated with signs proclaiming “Just Married”
often buried under snow in the streets of Sherman Hill
littered with cereal bits and cookie crumbs
and covered in mud leaving our rainy trip to Nashville
Nameless but loved, you had quite the personality
Never accepting more than a gallon of gas at a time during winter
But summer wasn’t hot enough, so you insisted we blast the heat
Slowly switching gears paired with your relentless turn signal
We couldn’t have been happier driving through the streets
The end is near or already here
Our goodbyes were said weeks ago
But we couldn’t just look away as if you were trash
Peacefully you went with somebody else
And we suddenly have $1,000 cash
Nostalgia
Today marks one week of sleeping in one place, a first in the last five weeks. It just so happens to have been one week in our new place. Other than about a room and a half, we’ve unpacked quite a bit and are starting to settle in. We even went so far as having our first house guests, first sleepover and first party in our home this weekend.
Somehow, I managed to organize a “surprise” party for the hubby today in celebration of his upcoming birthday. To do so, I invited everyone we knew in the state and thankfully, all seven of them came. This included a sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew as well as…oh, how to explain this connection…a good friend’s older sister and her husband and almost-two-year-old daughter who are now becoming our good friends, too. No one lives in town, so I’m quite grateful they all made the trek out, and he was more surprised than I could have hoped.
We had pie and ice cream, sang as he blew out all 25 candles and went swimming in the pool afterwards. All of the elements of a good birthday party were there, really. All in all, it was a fantastic day and a great way to celebrate with those now closest to us. Now, hours later, I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that we live here. I know we’ve been gone awhile and have started trying new things and places, but maybe it’s actually more odd to consider that we aren’t going back. Or at least not for a long while, if ever. Sure, we’ll probably visit at some point in the distant future, but as it stands now, not to live there. I think today was the first day I really thought about the fact that “we aren’t there” more than the “we are here.” This isn’t merely a trip we’ll recount with Iowa people when we get back. We might talk on the phone or skype with them about some of the details, but the more and more we live farther away, the less and less our average everyday lives will overlap. It’s sad and strange and true all at once. With that loss has to come the establishment of new routines, new traditions and new people. But in the interim, it’s a strange thing to consider. On a birthday, it’s easier to notice the difference between this one from the last one, or even the difference in our lives since my birthday a couple months ago. While I’m so glad we got to celebrate his birthday with our favorite people in the state, it did cause me to recognize some of the voids as well. We live here now, not there. We live here, not there.
Hmm. That will take some getting used to.
Only a Matter of Time
Things have been going well and moving quickly and yes, yes, YES! We’ve felt such confirmation about being here and God’s timing. It’s been a huge blessing, and we’ve been extremely grateful for it all. It’s all been so good. Not always easy, but so good.
Today, we decided it was time to stock our fridge so we headed to the nearest Trader Joe’s (naturally). Upon returning to our car, groceries in hand, we reached our first major speed bump (or as the signs say down here – “speed hump”) in the road. The car just wouldn’t start. Let me repeat, our only car just wouldn’t start.
It all became real very quickly. We had no friends to call, no way to get home and no idea why the car wouldn’t start. Thank goodness for AAA who promised to send a tow truck in the next 90 minutes. We took a moment to acknowledge what this felt like. This time of being stuck and alone with no one to ask for help. It wasn’t fun, but it is the reality of making a move like we just did. We knew we would have to face it at some point, so it might as well be the day after moving in officially. Then we did the next logical thing – took the refrigerated items back into Trader Joe’s and popped open a bag of chips while we waited.
The tow truck guy was there in record time and even dropped us off at our apartment before taking our car away. We don’t really know what that will cost to fix (hopefully not much!) or when it will be done. But I can’t help but thank God for his timing even with that. Honestly, I didn’t start this blog to “talk religion” – it’s not really my style. I think one’s life should be lived out and that’s the strongest testament of your faith. I don’t generally get all church-y or even want to be surrounded by people who are. My faith is real and it is true, but I’m not here to get in people’s face about it. I’m here to live according to God’s will and love others. But as I keep experiencing God’s kindness and grace and provisions each day, I can’t help but share about it. That car is getting to be up there in years, going on 18 years now. It’s had some repairs and probably needs a few more. But it made it halfway across the country. It made it to every interview we’ve had and through some dark, stormy nights in the middle of nowhere. It’s transported some of our most important documents, favorite clothes and our near future means of transportation (ahem, the bikes). When and where does it break? Outside of a grocery store, in a safe place, when we have nowhere immediately to be.
God is good. That’s all there is to it.