Tomorrow is the big day. Signs are made. Clothes are hung. Tables are arranged. Junk is ready to go out the door. I can’t decide if this was a good idea or a dumb waste of time. We’ll see just how much we can pull in from this effort. In my mind, I go back and forth between saying, “take it all away – free!” and “please, I need the money!”
Tell me this, is it tacky to have a jar out for tips and donations? Something along the lines of, “Take pity on us because we’re young and stupid and quit our jobs to move across the country. Put money here.”
I’ve been fortunate to have visited several places around the world. In most of these places, I’ve picked up a piece of jewelry. It’s not a given or an absolute, but I like the idea of having a little reminder of the place around my neck or on my finger. Just last week I started to think of what my “Iowa” jewelry would be. Trust me, I have random earrings from Target and impulse buys that resulted in a few necklaces, but I really wanted something that would be a little reminder of home.
I thought maybe in the next month we could be on the hunt to purchase this “perfect piece” when I realized that I already had it. Six months ago, we found this ring in a pawn shop. The hubby and I love to go to antique shops and thrift stores to look around. It’s like visiting a museum that I can take home if I so choose. It reminds me of a past I never knew and the items within carry all sorts of stories of their own. Sometimes you have to wade through a lot of junk to find the good stuff, but it’s so interesting when you do.
While I do not know the story of this ring before I owned it, I know the story it has with me. It wasn’t just any pawn shop (and for the record, we frequent antique shops far more than pawn shops). This was the one on Ingersoll in Des Moines. More importantly, this is the first place the hubby and I ever went together. It’s a bit of a strange story, and we weren’t dating, but were rather resisting the idea at the time. I’d never been to a pawn shop before and didn’t particularly have interest in it then either. He looked at instruments as I sat patiently waiting to go. It’s not exactly the kind of place you take a girl for a first date, but in all fairness, it wasn’t really a date. Just the same, it’s one of the first memories of being together. Right after Christmas this year, we were with friends and stopped in again. Gravitating to the jewelry, I found this ring and the hubby insisted we should get it (after a little cleaning). I considered it my “New Year’s ring” and wore it to the party that week where we celebrated with a bunch of friends and danced in the new year.
Now, this is not about placing value on worldly things. Its worth is ultimately insignificant but what matters more is what it reminds me of. My husband. Our friends. Our first “date.” Our home state. The end of one thing and the start of another.
With quitting a job and leaving a state comes a few changes. Some will be gradual and some will be immediate. As we start to pack our lives and mentally prepare, those around us also make a shift. It’s the way it goes. We knew this would happen and really, it’s healthy. But sitting around your co-workers as they whisper and plan their next steps, you can’t help but feeling like your time is already over. Your opinion is no longer needed as you slip through their lives and memories. Sure, these things need to happen. Honestly, I’m so glad that they are able to move forward without me. It alleviates some of my fears and stress with how this move would affect those around me. Now that people know what our plans are, not all plans made are ours. Other plans will be made, and they will be made without us. It’s good, it’s as it should be and it’s a sad realization all at the same time.
Like a lot of things to come this month, it’s bittersweet. Nothing about it should necessarily be different, but I want to acknowledge it’s very real and noticeable presence. This move is an adventure and a blessing, but it’s not all a romantic comedy.
To a certain extent, I feel as though we’ve officially told the world. This isn’t really true, however, as most staff at the hubby’s workplace have yet to hear due to the mid-week holiday and scheduling last week. It’s good to feel like we can finally be open and honest though about what we’re doing and where we’re headed. We’ve received mixed reviews, but overall quite positive feedback. Excitement. Sadness. Encouragement. Jealousy. Disbelief. Shock.
It’s good to feel like people are behind us. What is most interesting to me is hearing the response. Not the response merely about our immediate plans, but about us. Sometimes what’s said about who we are or what we’ve meant to the people around us is surprising. I appreciate it being said and am often flattered by it. What’s crazy to consider is that these things may not have been said otherwise. No one’s to blame for this and better late than never, but strange just the same. I’m probably equally guilty of this at times but want to reconsider this trend.
It may sound cliche, but why not tell people what they mean to you? What are they good at? What do you appreciate? What makes them important? What will you miss (even if they aren’t going anywhere)? What impact have they had on your life? Why do you enjoy their company?
I can’t say whether or not knowing all of these things six months ago would have changed the plan for us, but it might have changed a bit of our outlook. Life can have its struggles here and there and for awhile we wondered if we had any friends in this town. If we were appreciated at work. If we would be missed.
My hope is to remember this moving forward. Say these things. Show people you care before they have to wonder. See what changes. I yearn for a life of truth and honesty and even some vulnerability. Let’s be real now.
“I bet God has done something in your life that would make our hair stand on end if you told us about it. I bet the story God has written in your life and your home gives voice and breath and arms and legs to the gospel every bit as much as a church sermon ever did.”
God has done something. I don’t even know what it is in its entirety, but I can feel that it’s him. Yesterday, I wrote that “today is the day” and then went to church to hear a sermon specifically about trusting God today. The final song was “Today Is the Day” and it confirmed the thoughts and feelings I wrote about before church without any knowledge of what the message or songs would be.
I’ve been reading the book Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist lately and have found quite a few moments that have challenged and inspired me as I read. In the final chapter she talks about our stories. Her story, my story, your story. A few snippets of what she said (in italics above and below) has given me a deeper understanding of why sharing the next part (as well as the rest) of this journey matters.
“…There’s nothing small or inconsequential about our stories. There is, in fact, nothing bigger. And when we tell the truth about our lives – the broken parts, the secret parts, the beautiful parts – then the gospel comes to life, an actual story about redemption, instead of abstraction and theory and things you learn in Sunday School.”
Last week, my workplace got a tweet from someone none of us had ever met asking if we were hiring. Well, we weren’t. But within a day or two, we had her resume and decided that taking on a part-time receptionist wouldn’t be the worst idea after all. Thanks to some internet stalking abilities, I quickly came to find that she had just picked up and moved with her husband. Just like that. Sold all of their things, quit their jobs and prayed hard. They left their home in California and drove halfway across the country for a change and were living with relatives until they found jobs and a place to live. Hmmm, sound familiar?
When this came about, I thought it would be great to bring up later when I was giving my notice as a person to contact and potentially hire to cover some of my workload. (For the record, I’m not a receptionist. As a project manager though, my work can involve a fair amount of administrative duties that could/should be passed on to someone else in the downtime between project managers.) In my head, this was an awesome solution to the inevitable problem I was about to present to my boss a week later. Suddenly, this girl is in the shop and the owners are walking out with her for an interview and ask if I want to come. What? Is this real? Am I about to help interview for someone who could help with parts of my job unbeknownst to everyone else there? At the end of the interview, the guys offered her the job. She accepted that night.
This is an answer to my prayers, only I wasn’t praying for such a possibility. I couldn’t even begin to imagine it would work out like this. By no means will she be able to pick up where I left off, but it’s a start. Even if none of my work goes her way, there’s still someone else added to the team to contribute and help out around the shop. Not only do I feel more at peace about leaving my job, but I feel more at peace about finding a job. She found one within two weeks of a move and will work with a really great group of people. God provides. He provided for her and he will provide for us. And that is the (somewhat long) story of the latest way God has shown his provisions and power to me.
Today marks the 1st of the month; the last month we’ll spend in Iowa. Come August, we’ll be packing the truck and driving out. Sitting in my still very intact living room drinking tea and watching the cars go by, I have a mixture of emotions.
Today is probably the last day we can truly enjoy in the safety of our “secret” (which of course has been shared quite a few times by now, but it’s still quiet). While we’ve been trying to prepare when we can and sorting through miscellaneous boxes in the basement, the essence of our home is still that – a home. But in two weeks we’re going to put the very couch I’m sitting on up for sale (and probably for a whopping $5). The car I drive to church this morning will be sold. That church will be the place I say goodbyes for the next few weeks. This is the week we go public with the news. Tomorrow, the hubby will turn in his notice, and I will follow suit on Tuesday.
Today is the calm before the storm. Up until now we’ve certainly planned and stressed and talked about what is to come, but on our terms. Once it’s out, we’ll have to start answering to it, and even more so, follow through. We’ll try to pack everything in, both in experience and in tangible items. Pack it in and pack it up. To do so, we’ll have to sort through things, look backwards and look forward. Both are important to understand what we’re doing.
Today I want to focus on today. I want to breathe it in and soak up all of its goodness. I’m not going to worry about tomorrow or mourn for the losses of the past. Today was made for rejoicing. Today is the day.
I had a phone interview this morning. I didn’t tell anyone about it but the hubby. I go back and forth between wanting to spill to the world about our move and not mentioning anything to anybody. We’ve told some people without giving the date, some without the place and still some without the reason why. It’s a lot to mentally organize and remember who knows what and how much should be said. I have to catch my tongue with that dreaded permanent retainer stuck behind my bottom teeth. It’s the only way I know all of the thoughts swirling around my head aren’t spilling out of my mouth – during the office meeting, visiting the shop down the street or talking on the phone.
But then sometimes I say – “heck! why not?” And that’s what happened tonight when the hubby went to band practice. Just go for it. Who cares? Well, I care if it gets back to someone else before I tell them. And then I preceded to have a minor panic attack in my head. What if they say something to someone to someone who tells my boss? Ack!
I think I’m ready for this to be all out in the open. But then again, as soon as that happens, there really is no turning back.
There have been several points during this process that I have felt so isolated and alone that even a crowded room of people wouldn’t be able to convince me otherwise. The weight of what’s happening and how to handle it just seems to fall squarely on my shoulders. We each have separate feelings and emotions to deal with and sometimes we’re dealing so much with our own that we can hardly handle to take on someone else’s. That goes for me and the hubby, me and a friend, me and a co-worker, etc.
Whether it was because of distance, secrecy or lack of depth, I’ve had a hard time this past year knowing who my close friends were. No one is to blame and some of it comes down to the stage of life so many of us find ourselves in. With so much transition and change, it makes it difficult to keep track of who’s life is facing the most chaos. I’ve struggled, I’ve reached out, I’ve cried, I’ve given up and I’ve found it. For a while though, I thought it wasn’t possible. That close friendships couldn’t be created after high school or college and was even told as much.
You don’t have to throw me a pity party, because trust me, I’ve thrown a few of my own already this year. This isn’t one of them. Instead, this is me owning up to it. I’ve felt alone. I’ve been lonely. I’ve needed help. And really, I’ve just needed someone to say, come over and let’s eat chocolate and veg out. I’ve needed someone else to say, I need a friend.
So if you feel like you’re the only one, let me take a minute to be real with you – I’m struggling too. This kind of vulnerability is rare, and I don’t want it to come off as desperate. I’m willing to risk that though in order to let someone else know that they are not alone.
As we take this next step, I’m going to need some support. My prayer is that I find it in God, in my husband, in my family and in some good, solid friends. While I may be leaving a few behind, I’m hoping to find some friends ready to go deep, get real and plain hang out.
Just kidding. We know the answer to at least some of those questions. Why are we moving? Well, a number of reasons. Here’s the quick bullet list:
It’s time for a change
We love that part of the country
We have no dependents, no debt and no mortgage tying us down
We want to establish ourselves as a married couple in a whole new place
Hubby wants to go back to school
We’ll be closer to some family (but farther from other family…)*
We’re ready for some adventure
*Let me touch real quick on the “closer to family” bit. We are excited to live closer to a nephew and niece and sister and brother-in-law. We are sad however to leave some wonderful family right here. That said, we feel this is where we should go now and are grateful that family will still be a part of that new location. By no means does this mean we are picking certain family over other family.
Okay, so, “why now?” Well, several reasons have contributed to that. We’ve been talking for quite some time about making this sort of move soon, but have waited for the right moment. Some might think going job-less is not exactly the right moment, but we’ll see. I mentioned the no dependents and whatnot – this is significant to us. We’re not sure how long we’ll be in a place in life that provides the flexibility we have now and don’t want to pass that up. We’re also feeling brave (dumb?) enough to do it. The past two years of being married we’ve been right were we should be. It wasn’t time to go between my poor health and the good opportunities we had at our jobs. Well, my health has improved significantly and due to some recent changes in the workplace, it seems apparent that now is a great time to go. More to come on all of the above, but that’s the quick list.
I’m starting to think about that gulp of air. Sweaty hands rubbing. Biting my lower lip. “Um…”
Quitting isn’t easy. We’re both blessed that we like our jobs. We’re hoping that means our employers are also gracious when we tell each of them we’re leaving without another job. Turning down a good thing. Leaving something we enjoy.
Okay – interjection – as I’m typing this very blog post, a friend of mine texted to me say “I hate job hunting.” Everyone does! Oh my goodness, and I’m going to willingly give up a decent gig? Sigh. It’s part of the adventure I suppose.
But past all of that, I think we’re both sad to quit. Sad to leave our teams behind. We each work in tight-knit environments. On one hand, life will obviously go on without us and they functioned fine before us. But on the other hand, we’ve taken on some serious ownership in our jobs. We really care about the outcome of the work we do. We care about the people we work with. Quitting might cause some difficulty for those same people and the outcome of the work may suffer for a little while afterwards. That’s hard to take in. In a way, we’ll be the cause of that. Not too thrilled about that idea.
Unless something crazy happens though, we’ll be giving our notice in two and a half weeks.
