Four Years

Four Years

Four Years Married | Moving Peaces

Four years ago today, we were wed on a perfect October day.

I know I just started a new series, but today is a very special day. I plan to blog more about “finding self”, so you might think that it would be all about me and my life this month. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. My husband has helped me see and understand things about myself that I lacked the confidence to realize on my own. My failures and shortcomings, my potential and capabilities. One of the biggest defining things in my life is that I am his wife. It’s part of who I am now and will always be. During the past four years of marriage I’ve learned more than I would have ever imagined. I’ve learned how hard it is to love, how easy it is to fight, how important it is to communicate and how much we need each other to make it through life.

 

About Having Babies

About Having Babies

Grandma holding her baby - photo

Never did I think this would be a topic I would write about, at least not until maybe after the fact. But talk to any stranger in the grocery store all the way up to your best friends and suddenly it no longer feels like a personal matter. Everyone is quick to ask when we plan to have these sweet little cherubs.

If you had asked me in high school what I wanted to be when I grew up, I usually said something along the lines of “being a mom.” I’d start out by talking about college or maybe some sort of career in the meantime, but that wasn’t the real goal in my mind. When we got married, we told people we were on the “five-year plan” (why people feel they need to know that is beyond me). A couple years ago we joked with people that we were on the “nonstop five-year plan” meaning we were always five years out from having kids. The great thing about saying five years is that it is close enough that people are assured we think kids are in our future but far enough away that people hopefully stop asking us about it for awhile. Lately it feels like the questions have grown more serious and our “five-year” response isn’t doing the trick anymore–but I don’t really know. I’d still say give it time. Plenty of time. We’re in no real rush.

To be honest, sometimes I am overwhelmed by the weight of it all. The idea of raising someone in this world. Our world that’s full of hardship and disappointment, wars and disease. The thought of navigating all of life’s pitfalls through the eyes of the next generation.

I find myself rushing through so much of life right now. Rushing to secure my next job and settle into a career path. Scrambling to live life to its fullest by hardly ever saying “no” to spending time with friends. Hustling to establish a blog that reaches people beyond my immediate circles. Pushing to plan a trip of a lifetime out of the country somewhere with my husband. And over the weekend I realized why–I feel like I have to fit it all in before kids. I want to make sure I accomplish so many of these goals before I have another major priority in my life. I think that’s why there’s this huge sense of urgency in me.

In all actuality, I want kids and so does the hubby. So don’t you worry your pretty little head. One day we’ll add a few littles to this household, and it will be messy, loud, crazy and wonderful all at once. But as the reality of that creeps closer I wrestle with what that might mean. Am I overthinking it? Or worse, underthinking it? (Is that even a word?)

Maybe every potential parent has these fears or feels the magnitude of such things. Or maybe instead they were thrust into it before having enough time to really think it over yet somehow they seem to manage just fine. I suppose time (and a kid or two) will tell.

 

p.s. Sorry if I got your hopes up…this is clearly not an announcement.

Behind the Blogging

Sun's Behind a Rock

This is my blog post about blogging. It’s about dreams and big goals that are scary to exclaim to the world. Maybe I’ll fail or maybe I’ll succeed.

I’ve had several blogs dating all the way back to high school at this point. I also have a bad habit of starting a blog relating to some life event and then dropping off after I finished traveling or got married. This blog started when we first started working towards a cross-country move but after we moved and somewhat settled in, I knew it was time to hold onto it. Writing is second-nature to me, but I still have to sit down and actually do it. I have to will myself to find something to write about and have to consider writing to an audience not just to a diary. As I felt the lull in this blog, I instead implemented the Thursday Three posts to prompt something each week.

So just to make it all official, I wanted to inform you that my blog is different. It’s been a work in progress for a couple months now, and I’m still working on creating different categories and pages, subscriptions and eventually, a more custom design. But for now, I’m happy to have the freedom and flexibility to explore.

How did this come to be? Well, I hate to admit this but I’ve worked at a few different web/design/marketing agencies among some fairly talented web developers for years, but I was too scared to ask for help. There was a part of me that was too proud to ask, figuring it was such a small thing that I should be able to figure out on my own. The other part of me reasoned that they had better things to do in their free time and my little tiny blog was not worth bothering them about. Recently however, a friend (who happens to be a talented designer/developer) asked me about my blog and what I wanted to do with it. I told her about some of the limitations I was facing and she simply said, “I can do that.” I was so grateful to her for all of her help getting me set up and practically bouncing up and down when she told me. Just like that my world opened up, and I decided this was my opportunity to go for it. To truly go for it.

While I complained about some of my limitations in the past, they also made me feel safe. I didn’t feel like I had to keep up with blogging or really challenge myself to grow. I knew I could stay there, not try and it would never count as a failure. My small number of readers was fine because then I didn’t have to push to promote it or share it with the outside world. I felt comfortably sheltered in my bubble of friends who read it because that meant I didn’t have to completely face the reality of putting myself out there. But when it comes down to it, if I don’t commit to it, I’ll never really know what I am capable of as a writer or as a blogger.

As I (hope to) grow, there’s a few other things I’ve begun to consider. I want to find my voice and identity as a blogger, yet maintain the authenticity that comes from just jotting down the first things that come to mind from time to time. I want to be a bigger part of the blogging community by actually engaging with the many blogs I read on a regular basis. Likewise, I hope to engage more with my own readers and also further my reach through blogging. Maybe one day I’ll have ads or sponsored posts, not just to drive you crazy but to further push myself to discover and define my voice as a writer.

Last year at a conference, everyone in the audience was encouraged to write down a creative dream or goal. Personally and professionally, I was at a weird place but a true dream of mine still managed to seep out. My dream? “Writing on a large platform about life, pointing to God and healing hurt for others.”

So there it is. My goal is no longer the secret that it has been for the last year. I want what I write to matter–my lessons learned to help someone and my silly stories to encourage someone. I want to inspire and support someone. Here I am now, facing the world with my thoughts and ideas, struggles and candor. And I’m asking you to join me. To share it with others and to stick with me along the way.

Rest

By the lake

Sometimes it’s time to rest. Coming from me, a person who is constantly thinking through every angle, taking the next steps and all together on the go, that’s big. I’ve been quoted as saying before that I wish we didn’t need sleep to function (I’ve said the same about food but for entirely different reasons). Of course, Saturday morning is not the time of day that I generally share such sentiments. That’s the one time of the week that I celebrate sleep. Usually around midnight is when I wish I could  pull an all-nighter every day of the week without any impact on my health and just work on projects and spend time with people instead.

I don’t take health lightly. I’ve had my own bouts of illness and unexplained issues unfortunately in the past. Health is so important and key to your daily life. It also can be one of the greatest indicators that you aren’t resting enough. Today, I have no voice. Seriously, it’s sad. I sound like a cat who nearly escaped drowning. Actually, maybe that’s not what I sound like because I have a feeling there would be a bit more of a yowling sound to that. The point is, I’ve pushed it too far for too long. I’m sure every Thursday Three for the past few weeks has mentioned being busy, and I don’t like it. But I resolved to push through despite what I knew I should be doing. I wanted to do it all, yet I knew that’s not possible. I thought if I could just do this thing then this thing then this thing then this….then I will somehow manage to have it all together and make it happen. Yet I was missing REST. No agenda but to rest and revitalize.

Earlier today I sent an email to a friend saying that we’d be heading to a cabin in a few weeks and I had hoped to catch up on rest then. Saying it now just sounds crazy. I’m going to pencil in resting WEEKS from now? No wonder my body mandated a sick day. While I’m terrible at taking naps (and have been since I was two), I spent time today laying in bed with my eyes closed anyway. Never fell asleep but still got some rest. So, if you’re on the fence about it, let me encourage you to do the same. I promise you this is a reminder to me just as much as it is to you. We all need rest and need to make sure it’s a daily and weekly occurrence, not something we plan for once a season.

 

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Words

Sometimes, there are no words. No words that can really sum it all up. No words that can make it all better. No words to truly express how emotion has taken hold. It’s like trying to catch the ocean’s waves with only a butterfly net.

Yet we try to do something about those thoughts and feelings. Whether it’s running away from them, pushing them forward, drowning them out, hiding from them or creating something new.

This week, I had no words. Instead, we created music. While my relationship with music is complicated, I am so grateful for it. It put emotion and meaning into something regarding a tragedy in someone else’s life. There’s nothing I can do and to be honest, I’m incredibly distant from the situation in almost every way.

Since writing it, I’ve been practically consumed by this song. Singing it over and over and now that we have some scratch tracks, I’ve been listening to it on repeat. I can’t tell you why I responded as strongly as I did, other than to say, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15

I have no words to close us out. No summary lesson on what this blog’s about. No link to the song as it’s not actually done yet. I suppose all I can say is to keep loving one another. Pray for each other, as sometimes that’s all you can really do.

Moving Part 2: Finding a Location

Packed Truck

Based the questions I am often fielding about our move, I’ve written up a few parts of the moving process. You can start reading it wherever it is most helpful but if you’re particular about following the order, you can start with Part 1: Deciding to Move.

Part 2: Finding a Location

For some, this part of the process is dictated by outside factors. This may include a job offer, a family tie or something out of your control. If so, this part will look different. Finding a location will mean, finding a job or family tie or whatever it is that is calling you and then sorting out the details to make it a reality.

For me, I needed to sort through what I wanted in a place. Criteria can range from the size of the town to the weather in the winter.

The following contributed to our list of criteria:

  • Near geographic interest (i.e. mountains or ocean)
  • Warmer weather year-round
  • Bigger city than current location or nearby one
  • Within 20 minutes of a Target and within an hour of Trader Joe’s
  • Music and arts culture

Having criteria helps, but it does not automatically give you the answer. There were several cities that fit this description. For some, several options is a positive thing and can lead to more opportunities in the job search. For others, it can be difficult to plan without a narrowed search or a clear direction. Moving can be a complicated process with a lot of planning involved, so it’s best to go with what you are more comfortable with.

The final push for Raleigh came because of these key factors:

  • It showed up on similar “Best City for…” lists as Des Moines. Knowing we liked Des Moines helped us realize this would be something we would like.
  • Family would be three hours away, which we knew would be helpful
  • We had some familiarity with that region of the country, although limited knowledge of Raleigh itself

Create Something

I am lucky to be surrounded by creatives. People who live with a drive to be creative. They long for more creativity in their lives and make time to make it happen. Being around others who thrive off of this energy encourages even more creativity.

A friend of mine has recently started a portrait series called Make Des Moines. Basically, he’s highlighting some of the people who make Des Moines, IA the city it is. The people who make things with their hands, put their creativity to work and leave their mark. His images are beautiful, and I am loving the stories he is sharing.

Yesterday, I sat around a table of bankers, lawyers, researchers and executives who all claimed to “not be creative.” Sometimes the problem is our definition of creativity. We consider creatives to be the photographers, musicians, writers and artists of the world (all of whom I love). But creativity doesn’t stop there. Why do we say creativity is thinking outside the box but then put creativity in a box? Anybody with me on this?

Sometimes we think creativity is defined by art. We think that if it isn’t on a stage or in a museum, it isn’t art.

Let’s grab this term back. Because creativity can take so many forms. Plan a dinner party. Grow a garden. Knit a potholder. Arrange an outfit. Decorate your house with only thrift store finds. Write a clever list.

Creativity can happen in so many ways, but one of the most important things is to keep it intentional. Sometimes creativity strikes, and it takes hold of us. But often, we have to seek it out first in order to continue to cultivate it. I hope to never be that person saying, “I’m not creative.” Because more than likely, those people actually are creative (or could be). They just stopped creating.

 

Moving Part 1: Deciding to Move

Moving | Moving Peaces

Two years ago, I moved to North Carolina from Iowa. I am constantly being asked why I moved and when seeing a bunch of family and friends from the Midwest I have to give reasons that they may never see or understand.

Anyone else moved outside of the state? What was your reason? Well, I didn’t have reasons like that. [Okay, maybe that’s a big assumption. But the point is, I didn’t move for the normal reasons of a job or family.]

I thought I would put together some of the considerations to make when you move, how to do it and why I love where I live now.

Part 1: Deciding to move

This should never be taken lightly. It changes your friends, neighborhood, job and sometimes even your hobbies.

How do you know if a move is right for you?

Ask yourself why you want to move. Is it to pursue a dream or a passion? Go after growth in your life? Have you felt a calling to a particular part of the world? Is an opportunity available?

Before deciding to move, it’s important to understand where you live currently and what its pros and cons are. That way, you have something to go off of as you make your decision. Do you like the community feel? Is there a good arts and music culture or a solid career path ahead of you? Is the job market good? Is your house your favorite place in the world? Are you sure you want to actually move?

While I lived in Des Moines and loved it, I knew it was time to step out and find the best fit for me at a time in my life when I could take a risk. For us, that meant no kids, no house and no debt.

If you are considering making a move, I’d start by really understanding your motivation and then assessing your current situation.

Ready for more?

Part 2: Finding a Location

Part 3: Lining up Logistics

Part 4: Making it “official”

Part 5: Follow Through

Part 6: Settle in and Reflect

 

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Verses for Sunday

10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 11 We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized. 12 We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.  – Hebrews 6:10-12

flower

Sunday mornings are my sweet time of quiet each week. I’ve got the house to myself, so I take the morning slow. I spend time reading and writing before getting ready for church. Admittedly, my first thought on Sunday mornings is “more sleep” but when I wake up and take that time, I never regret it.

The past few weeks I have been reading these verses over and over. Taking each section and letting it settle in. Separating each verse like a stanza or lyric so that every line reveals its impact.

God is not unjust;
he will not forget your work
and the love you have shown him
as you have helped his people
and continue to help them.

We want each of you to show this same diligence
to the very end,
so that what you hope for
may be fully realized.

We do not want you to become lazy,
but to imitate those
who through faith and patience
inherit what has been promised.

Take just one piece or segment. What grabs you?

I love it all. I want to cling to every word of it. But because my memorization skills are lacking, I’m going to hold onto one thing at a time. To the very end.

Show diligence to the very end. Help people to the very end. Love God to the very end.

Verses on My Mind

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4

Stained Glass Windows

I have been reading these verses over and over the past few days/weeks. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in things–tasks to complete, to-do lists to accomplish, career ladders to climb, people to see. While I don’t feel we are called to be total people-pleasers, I fear sometimes we can sway too far the other way. If people-pleasing is a natural tendency, sometimes we overcompensate by trying to fight off that urge to people-please but forget to continue to truly value others. I think it’s healthy to have boundaries and to take care of ourselves. Sometimes it means saying “no” to a good thing. If we were always running on empty, it’d be pretty hard to be effective at serving others.

Yet it still says here quite plainly to “value others above yourselves” in humility. Whew. That’s a tall order. So how do I find the balance? What does that mean for today and tomorrow and the next day? How can I better put someone’s interests before mine? How does that impact my decisions and my speech?

The first verse is also incredibly striking– “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.” I think the adjective attached to the word ambition matters. Having goals and ambitions can be good as it motivates and inspires us, but selfish ambition is what we are told to avoid. Finding that line between ambition and selfish ambition isn’t easy. I think our society often praises selfish ambition, but that doesn’t make it right. I have to remember to ask, where does this ambition come from? Who does it serve? What does this ambition lead to?

I don’t know the answers. The best I can do is to continue to read and pray. I know I fall short here. All the time. But I want to continue to think through what it truly means. I want to live in humility, I want to toss away selfish ambition, I want to look to the interests of others.