moving

The List

Samantha Gratton

Ever since we started talking seriously about moving, I’ve been considering “the list” – which of course consists of everything we need to do before we go. In order to do that, one must first define what it means to be from around here. What do I need to do here before going there? Which of these things declare my obvious residency and lack of tourist naivete? And then, do you do things you’ve done 100 times just one last time? Or do you do things you’ve never done but have heard you should do?

…

Over a month ago when I first drafted the above paragraph, I had high hopes of achieving the impossible. I wanted to live and breathe Des Moines, the state of Iowa and the entire Midwest as much as I could. While in theory it may be a good idea, it just can’t happen. Sure, I’ll try to see a few people in the next few weeks and use all of our Groupons, but we’ve got to start thinking about what’s ahead. There’s preparations to make, jobs to find and a house to pack. Not to mention, current jobs still to work and everyday life to live.

I think sometimes I try too hard to pack it all in. I’m constantly thinking that I’ve gotten better about overcoming my tendency to over-schedule. But I still find myself running around trying to do it all and pretending that in the end it will be worth it and we’ll be happier and better because of it. It’s the same trap every time. Instead, we wind up exhausted and annoyed about our commitments regardless how fun they may actually end up being. So, I think we will have to remember Iowa for the memories it’s already provided instead of the ones I was going to try and cram in during our final days. I can’t deny that our last week here is already packed full, but I will vow to try to reign in on the incidentals. These days aren’t about discovering Des Moines – they’re for spending time with established friends, packing and prepping to move and most importantly, being together through it all.

Say It

Samantha Gratton

To a certain extent, I feel as though we’ve officially told the world. This isn’t really true, however, as most staff at the hubby’s workplace have yet to hear due to the mid-week holiday and scheduling last week. It’s good to feel like we can finally be open and honest though about what we’re doing and where we’re headed. We’ve received mixed reviews, but overall quite positive feedback. Excitement. Sadness. Encouragement. Jealousy. Disbelief. Shock.

It’s good to feel like people are behind us. What is most interesting to me is hearing the response. Not the response merely about our immediate plans, but about us. Sometimes what’s said about who we are or what we’ve meant to the people around us is surprising. I appreciate it being said and am often flattered by it. What’s crazy to consider is that these things may not have been said otherwise. No one’s to blame for this and better late than never, but strange just the same. I’m probably equally guilty of this at times but want to reconsider this trend.

It may sound cliche, but why not tell people what they mean to you? What are they good at? What do you appreciate? What makes them important? What will you miss (even if they aren’t going anywhere)? What impact have they had on your life? Why do you enjoy their company?

I can’t say whether or not knowing all of these things six months ago would have changed the plan for us, but it might have changed a bit of our outlook. Life can have its struggles here and there and for awhile we wondered if we had any friends in this town. If we were appreciated at work. If we would be missed.

My hope is to remember this moving forward. Say these things. Show people you care before they have to wonder. See what changes. I yearn for a life of truth and honesty and even some vulnerability. Let’s be real now.

The Story

Samantha Gratton

“I bet God has done something in your life that would make our hair stand on end if you told us about it. I bet the story God has written in your life and your home gives voice and breath and arms and legs to the gospel every bit as much as a church sermon ever did.”

God has done something. I don’t even know what it is in its entirety, but I can feel that it’s him. Yesterday, I wrote that “today is the day” and then went to church to hear a sermon specifically about trusting God today. The final song was “Today Is the Day” and it confirmed the thoughts and feelings I wrote about before church without any knowledge of what the message or songs would be.

I’ve been reading the book Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist lately and have found quite a few moments that have challenged and inspired me as I read. In the final chapter she talks about our stories. Her story, my story, your story. A few snippets of what she said (in italics above and below) has given me a deeper understanding of why sharing the next part (as well as the rest) of this journey matters.

“…There’s nothing small or inconsequential about our stories. There is, in fact, nothing bigger. And when we tell the truth about our lives – the broken parts, the secret parts, the beautiful parts – then the gospel comes to life, an actual story about redemption, instead of abstraction and theory and things you learn in Sunday School.”

Last week, my workplace got a tweet from someone none of us had ever met asking if we were hiring. Well, we weren’t. But within a day or two, we had her resume and decided that taking on a part-time receptionist wouldn’t be the worst idea after all. Thanks to some internet stalking abilities, I quickly came to find that she had just picked up and moved with her husband. Just like that. Sold all of their things, quit their jobs and prayed hard. They left their home in California and drove halfway across the country for a change and were living with relatives until they found jobs and a place to live. Hmmm, sound familiar?

When this came about, I thought it would be great to bring up later when I was giving my notice as a person to contact and potentially hire to cover some of my workload. (For the record, I’m not a receptionist. As a project manager though, my work can involve a fair amount of administrative duties that could/should be passed on to someone else in the downtime between project managers.) In my head, this was an awesome solution to the inevitable problem I was about to present to my boss a week later. Suddenly, this girl is in the shop and the owners are walking out with her for an interview and ask if I want to come. What? Is this real? Am I about to help interview for someone who could help with parts of my job unbeknownst to everyone else there? At the end of the interview, the guys offered her the job. She accepted that night.

This is an answer to my prayers, only I wasn’t praying for such a possibility. I couldn’t even begin to imagine it would work out like this. By no means will she be able to pick up where I left off, but it’s a start. Even if none of my work goes her way, there’s still someone else added to the team to contribute and help out around the shop. Not only do I feel more at peace about leaving my job, but I feel more at peace about finding a job. She found one within two weeks of a move and will work with a really great group of people. God provides. He provided for her and he will provide for us. And that is the (somewhat long) story of the latest way God has shown his provisions and power to me.

Song: Wedding Day

Samantha Gratton

“I’m moving on, I’ve got my car all packed with cassette tapes and sweaters and loose change”

Wedding Day by Rosie Thomas

Rosie Thomas is one of my all-time favorite artists, and words cannot explain how significant it was to me to see her in concert last March. Half of the time I felt myself close to tears, moved by the emotions and depth behind her lyrics. This is just one of many songs of hers making the moving playlist. I won’t be alone or flirting with cowboys, but I do feel that packing the car and driving across the country will be a grand moment of wistful liberation, painful growth and relieved joy.

(Pay no attention to the images, this was the best I could find online)

Why?

Samantha Gratton

Wondering why we’re doing this? Or even, why now? Why there?

Me too.

Just kidding. We know the answer to at least some of those questions. Why are we moving? Well, a number of reasons. Here’s the quick bullet list:

  • It’s time for a change
  • We love that part of the country
  • We have no dependents, no debt and no mortgage tying us down
  • We want to establish ourselves as a married couple in a whole new place
  • Hubby wants to go back to school
  • We’ll be closer to some family (but farther from other family…)*
  • We’re ready for some adventure 

*Let me touch real quick on the “closer to family” bit. We are excited to live closer to a nephew and niece and sister and brother-in-law. We are sad however to leave some wonderful family right here. That said, we feel this is where we should go now and are grateful that family will still be a part of that new location. By no means does this mean we are picking certain family over other family.

Okay, so, “why now?” Well, several reasons have contributed to that. We’ve been talking for quite some time about making this sort of move soon, but have waited for the right moment. Some might think going job-less is not exactly the right moment, but we’ll see. I mentioned the no dependents and whatnot – this is significant to us. We’re not sure how long we’ll be in a place in life that provides the flexibility we have now and don’t want to pass that up. We’re also feeling brave (dumb?) enough to do it. The past two years of being married we’ve been right were we should be. It wasn’t time to go between my poor health and the good opportunities we had at our jobs. Well, my health has improved significantly and due to some recent changes in the workplace, it seems apparent that now is a great time to go. More to come on all of the above, but that’s the quick list.

Away We Go

Samantha Gratton

If you haven’t yet seen this movie, it might be worth it. Other than a strange start and a few awkward moments, I really enjoyed this movie as it definitely resonated with me. In short, it’s about a couple traveling around the country to find out where they should live. Their reasoning is prompted by an unplanned pregnancy – which is not the case for us. Just the same, for them it was about being open to everything and trying to figure out where they belonged.

Traveling is probably what makes me feel most alive, and we had the privilege of taking a few trips of our own. Since changing jobs last summer we have gotten to see and experience snippets and surrounding areas of Germany, Kansas City, St. Louis, Nashville, Branson, Portland, Minneapolis and now, Chicago.

We’re visiting friends, visiting towns and discovering more about who we are and how we relate to one another. While on the road, you have no choice but to consider your life and where it’s going. On these trips we’ve made some serious decisions, fought, laughed, cried, dreamed and just been there for each other. I wouldn’t trade it.

Click to view trailer.

What’s the Skinny?

Samantha Gratton

I’ve been discovered! Our position has been compromised!

A friend of mine called tonight to tell me she and her husband were moving from one part of the country to another and then added, “You aren’t moving yet, right?”

What?! I was completely thrown off. I mean, she’s among the people who’ve known me and that I want to move for years but in a sense, nothing’s changed. What no one’s supposed to know is that it’s actually happening. I don’t think I fielded that question as well as I would have liked. Shoot.

At this point, it is starting to get tricky though. At home, we’re talking about dates to go. I’m making a pile of items for a garage sale and packing things we will be putting in storage. To the outside world, we’re just doing life and taking a few weekend summer trips. But really, these trips are likely my last chance to see a lot of people, including my grandparents this coming weekend.

We are trying to be sensitive to what’s happening around us. We want to tell our workplaces sooner rather than later so that there’s opportunity to fill our positions. We want to tell our friends, but we also want to just enjoy spending time with them. I might be blogging (secretly), but we’ve told very few people. Those people either live out-of-state or we’re related to them. And part of it is that we don’t want to start saying things until we know what the heck the plan is. Right now we still have applications out in several parts of the country. So we wouldn’t want to say we’re moving to this state, when in reality we’re going the complete opposite direction. We’re getting really close to a plan. That plan being, move and figure it out. But even with that, we want to be cautious about it (in a healthy manner) and don’t want to let the cat out of the bag before we have to.

In that same breath, it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing I interact with people that have no idea. It’s a big part of our daily life right now, yet we’re trying to keep it under wraps. What kind of friend does that make me? I’m trying to drop subtle hints so no one is blind-sighted. I suppose though in some ways, that goes back to my fear of the perceptions of others. But this one is a bit more personal. I want my friends to know I care about them and therefore want to let them in on my life. So, friends, sorry in advance that the timing might be off when I do get around to telling you. We’re just trying to do what seems best for the time being.

Without a Job

Samantha Gratton

After a good long walk and talk with my mom, I think I’ve come to realize a few things. To start, I am less nervous than I was when writing my previous post. That’s a success. As we talked I realized how much I know and feel strongly that it is time for us to move. We love so many things about life here and the people in it, but it’s clear that we need a change. We’re ready and restless. I think I have found peace in that truth.

What I was wrestling with was that I don’t always feel like our next destination is where we’re called. I feel lead to leave, but I don’t yet feel called in a certain place. There are plenty of logical reasons why I think we are making a decent decision, but I’ve been praying for a clear directive that this is where we are supposed to go. But at the same time, I have a feeling that might be my leap of faith. I’ve been clinging to, “If we only had a job.”

Digging further though, I don’t know if that’s the answer. Yes, having a job beforehand would alleviate some of my fears. But when you get down to it, I think I want something better to tell people than, “We’re just moving.”  It seems the root problem is actually being concerned with the perceptions and thoughts of others when we break the news. I’m a practical person, and I’d like to think we both have good heads on our shoulders. What I’m coming to understand are my two biggest fears in this adventure – 1. Failure. 2. Perception of Failure.

Right now, that second fear is holding me back before I’ve even reached it. That is what I’m going to have to let go as we continue to pursue this. Plus, I have a feeling those fears are not unique to this situation.

Are we nuts?

Samantha Gratton

Okay, this is becoming real. Too real. We’ve talked about moving for months, years. We’ve looked for jobs, even had a few interviews – nothing that’s officially come through. Finding a job halfway across the country isn’t easy. We aren’t CEOs or executives. The type of work we’ll be doing could probably be done by dozens (ahem, hundreds?) of other people. From a practical standpoint, there’s not a whole lot of reason for a company to bother with us and all of the hassle of phone interviews, different time zones, relocation, etc. So the logical thing is to just move, right? To eliminate that hassle for these future employers of ours? Gosh, I hope so.

It’s hard to focus on much else around here. The hubby admitted to starting to distance himself from life here while I’m trying to do/see/visit everything “one last time” before we go. But if we don’t cling to these coping mechanisms, then we have more time to consider exactly what we’re about to do. We have a decent life here. Are we really going to give that all up? Really? What. The. Heck.

Somebody, talk me into it! Quick!