After a good long walk and talk with my mom, I think I’ve come to realize a few things. To start, I am less nervous than I was when writing my previous post. That’s a success. As we talked I realized how much I know and feel strongly that it is time for us to move. We love so many things about life here and the people in it, but it’s clear that we need a change. We’re ready and restless. I think I have found peace in that truth.
What I was wrestling with was that I don’t always feel like our next destination is where we’re called. I feel lead to leave, but I don’t yet feel called in a certain place. There are plenty of logical reasons why I think we are making a decent decision, but I’ve been praying for a clear directive that this is where we are supposed to go. But at the same time, I have a feeling that might be my leap of faith. I’ve been clinging to, “If we only had a job.”
Digging further though, I don’t know if that’s the answer. Yes, having a job beforehand would alleviate some of my fears. But when you get down to it, I think I want something better to tell people than, “We’re just moving.” It seems the root problem is actually being concerned with the perceptions and thoughts of others when we break the news. I’m a practical person, and I’d like to think we both have good heads on our shoulders. What I’m coming to understand are my two biggest fears in this adventure – 1. Failure. 2. Perception of Failure.
Right now, that second fear is holding me back before I’ve even reached it. That is what I’m going to have to let go as we continue to pursue this. Plus, I have a feeling those fears are not unique to this situation.
