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Know Me, Not That

May 11, 2015Samantha Gratton

We all want to know and be known on some level. Whether it’s fame or friendship, we want someone else to know who we are, what we stand for and what we are like.

But what happens when we let someone know the less pretty side?

I’m not talking about the, “I’m a mess because my socks don’t match and we’re out of coffee” kind. I’m not even talking about the “My life is not going the way I planned” kind of mess. No, I’m talking about the downright ugly internal struggles, like jealousy, discontentment or negativity.

I want to be known, but I do not want those things to be known whatsoever. The reason I don’t want you to know about them is because frankly, I don’t want them to be real. I don’t want that to be “me” in any way. Sometimes in my longing to build relationships, I let those out. The thing is, that’s not what I want to be known for.

So the question becomes, how do we walk the line of transparency, revealing our struggles and the really “real”, without seeming just plain ugly? I want any bitterness, jealousy and hurt to be completely removed from my life. But if I’m being honest, it’s in there sometimes. I hate it, and of course I don’t want anyone to see it. At the same time, I don’t want to slap on a facade and pretend it’s not there either.

I would rather you know the loving, thoughtful and creative sides, but truthfully, I have all sorts of flaws, too. This isn’t something I’d like to dwell on, but I think it’s worth talking about. I think we all have sides that we don’t want anyone to see. In hopes of hiding it away, we avoid and ignore issues that need to be addressed. Maybe instead it’s time to have some honest conversations. Find a trusted friend or maybe even confront yourself.

There’s more here to say: More to talk about when it comes to struggles and failures. Finding trustworthy friends and learning when it isn’t time to share. Coping with ugly truths and battling it out in hopes of personal refinement. Realizing beautiful truths and learning to embrace them. More to question and wrestle with as we discover who we really are. But for now, I leave you with merely the start…how are you known?

Thursday Three

January 29, 2015Samantha Gratton

Where has the week gone? Just where?? I feel like the beginning of each week (you know, the Friday before) everything is totally clear and I have a wide open schedule. Try to catch me near the end of the week, and I have suddenly every moment packed in with no extra availability. The good news is, I’m keeping busy and it’s been fun. Today though, almost all my meetings got rescheduled, and I found some good time to work on some freelance projects.

1. I’m not where I was six months ago. Maybe from the outside I look like the same me and there’s definitely a core that has stayed the same, but I think my approach has shifted. A few different things came up this week that made me realize it, whether it was coming across old emails or considering opportunities and goals. Honestly, I’ve enjoyed being who I am now a lot more than who I was then. I had hoped to one day get to say that, so it’s likely I’ll have to expound upon that further at a later date.

2. I’m a prepper. I mean a planner…for our trip this spring. Wait, did you think I was a doomsday prepper? What?! (Quite the show though). This week I’ve been working on a little bit of Spanish with the Duolingo app (which is amazing). Further, I bought a new backpack! I was so thrilled that as soon as I brought it home I stuffed it with pillows and a bag of oranges to “practice” carrying it around. For nearly two days I had it strapped to my back. Once I take it out on some real adventures, I’ll tell you all about it, but for now, enjoy this embarrassing picture of me looking way too excited.

My husband calls this my photo face…apparently I only make such a look when a camera is involved. I’d like to dispute such claims, but looking at last week’s Thursday Three…I can see where he’s coming from.

3. Remember your dreams. Sometimes it’s easy to say you have dreams and then instead of acting on them, watch Netflix five nights a week and then say there isn’t enough time in the day. There’s not enough time in the day. So cut some things out and set aside time focus on your dreams/goals. Time to think them through and also time to implement them. They won’t happen otherwise, trust me.

That Thing You Do

October 10, 2014December 9, 2014Samantha Gratton

There’s a reason I don’t usually blog on Fridays. By the end of the week, the last thing I want is to be tied down to something I have to do or manage. No one needs chores on a Friday. I’d rather sit on the porch to watch the rain or finally catch up on some reading or just have a good long conversation with my husband.

But I thought you loved writing? Oh, I do.

The thing is, we have different priorities and different interests. Just because I love writing doesn’t mean I always want to do it. Sometimes I have to force myself into keeping up with the discipline but other times, it’s worth pursuing another facet of my life.

I think it’s easy to get caught up in thinking “this is my THING!” and therefore pour all of ourselves into it. There’s a time and a place for that…but it’s not all the time and all the places.

Having a “thing” we do, whether it’s running a business or writing a book or playing music or climbing the corporate ladder or chasing a dream is not bad. But when it becomes our only thing, other areas in our life suffers. I’ve met so many incredibly talented musicians and painters and start-up company owners and otherwise who are crazy successful in their respective fields. But past that one thing, maybe their relationships with others are severely strained–be it in their marriage, with their children or with former friends. Or they find themselves with incredible debt because they became so focused or infatuated with a dream that they neglected to realize its cost. Or their health and mental/spiritual/physical well-being were simply out of control. Life was too far off balance.

They felt justified because someone was saying, follow your dreams with all your heart. But they misunderstood and followed only one dream without stopping to consider the consequences that one dream would have on all of the other ones.

So if you find yourself buried too deep into one thing, stop for a minute. Take a breath and take a look around. Is this really where you want to be going? Where is this ultimately going?

I’m constantly having to check myself to see where I’m actually putting my time, energy and resources to see where it leads. Sometimes it seems to be in the right direction and other times, it’s clear that it is completely out of line with who I want to be.

This post is a part of the Finding Self series for the 31 Days of blogging in October.
To see the all posts in this series, check out the Finding Self page.