Best postcard ever! Love getting mail from friends with a sense of humor.
Photo: Postcard
friends
Quote: Friendship
“Psychologists have long described four major types of friendships: 1) The acquaintance, someone you’d chat with on the street or at a local café, who gives you a sense of belonging; 2) the casual friend, a ‘grab lunch’ pal who often serves a specific purpose, such as a tennis or running partner; 3) the close buddy, an intimate, trustworthy comrade you can say anything to; and 4) the lifer, who’s as deep and forever as family.” [Valerie] Frankel’s research found that women should have 3 to 5 lifers, 5 to 12 close friends, 10 to 50 casuals, and 10 to 100 acquaintances.
Valerie Frankel’s words in an excerpt from MWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
The Biggest Thing to Happen Since the iPhone
Tonight was our first official potential friend date. I haven’t exactly been secretive about the fact that I am on the hunt for new (best) friends. So much so, that I asked myself out on a friend date with someone from work and his wife. Once we were halfway through dinner and things seemed to be going well, we admitted to the milestone – first couple friend date. In return, they asked us if we needed to take a picture to mark the moment or if we were that desperate. Fair enough. The answer? Heck yes.
They’ve lived in the area for a few years; he has actually lived here even longer, having gone to school around here. Although they teased us for going to desperate measures, they also said they had no couple friends. The worst part is, I know they aren’t the only ones. I’m not sure if it’s the nature of twentysomethings or our over dependance on all things technology and social media, but I will say that I am adamantly opposed to being friendless. Having hundreds of social media “friends” or a few people you run in to randomly at a bar just does not cut it. I want to shout it from the rooftops – WE ALL NEED FRIENDS! It’s okay to admit to that! Just don’t quit trying to find, make and keep friends.
Because you know what? As charming as the cast of Modern Family may be, they aren’t going to be able to talk you through a bad day. Your Google calendar will not remember your favorite type of dessert. Instagram will not understand your expression and interact with you. Facebook is never going to ask what your goals, dreams and hopes are in life. Don’t give up! Don’t give in to these modern conveniences! People need friends (I know, I’m one of them). People who are established, people who are new, people who are friendly, people who are rude—they all need real-live human interaction with people who love and care for them. Seek it out. Be intentional. Find those relationships and invest in them like crazy.
Who are you?
But more importantly, who are you to me?
Sometimes, it feels this way. After you move and the dust starts to settle on your finally assembled dining room table and recently hung wall decor, what’s left? We moved. We found jobs. We found a place to live. We found the nearest Target. Stocked the fridge. Took a mini-vacay to the ocean. Hiked the mountains. Let everyone know we made it. We’re “living the life” – I guess.
Now comes the hardest part yet. Finding people.
Last night we went to an open mic and sadly realized we won’t be seeing any of our usual Des Moines music scene people. Not only that, but we won’t see any people we know or recognize. We have no “people” here. Frankly, that can be quite the hurdle to overcome.
Proving yourself. But not talking yourself up. Being eager and friendly. Not creeping anyone out. Taking chances. Playing it safe. Being excited to be here. Being chill and easy going. Taking things seriously. Joking around. Joining the crowd. Standing out.
What!?
Who is it that you want me to be? I’m exhausted just trying to keep up. It’s hard to always be “on” with people. It’s a struggle to know what part of “me” to be around people. I want to be just me, but sometimes it seems that “me” is pretty worthless without a deeper meaning and/or connection to “them”. What can I offer? Who do I know? What do we have in common? Well, in answer to all of those questions – not much.
So this is that hard part we all saw coming. Can’t do much but ride it out.
Quote: Best Friend
[Tom] Rath’s research found that while only 30 percent of employees report having a best friend at work, most people would opt for an office bestie over a 10 percent raise. And the lucky employees who do have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their jobs.
MWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
Moving Boxes
When you start taking box donations from friends and local businesses, you never know what you’ll get. Luckily, our stuff will be moving in style. Because who doesn’t love knock-off brand adult diapers? Bonus: I’m sure our new neighbors will be dying to meet us once they see us unloading these bad boys.
All Alone
There have been several points during this process that I have felt so isolated and alone that even a crowded room of people wouldn’t be able to convince me otherwise. The weight of what’s happening and how to handle it just seems to fall squarely on my shoulders. We each have separate feelings and emotions to deal with and sometimes we’re dealing so much with our own that we can hardly handle to take on someone else’s. That goes for me and the hubby, me and a friend, me and a co-worker, etc.
Whether it was because of distance, secrecy or lack of depth, I’ve had a hard time this past year knowing who my close friends were. No one is to blame and some of it comes down to the stage of life so many of us find ourselves in. With so much transition and change, it makes it difficult to keep track of who’s life is facing the most chaos. I’ve struggled, I’ve reached out, I’ve cried, I’ve given up and I’ve found it. For a while though, I thought it wasn’t possible. That close friendships couldn’t be created after high school or college and was even told as much.
You don’t have to throw me a pity party, because trust me, I’ve thrown a few of my own already this year. This isn’t one of them. Instead, this is me owning up to it. I’ve felt alone. I’ve been lonely. I’ve needed help. And really, I’ve just needed someone to say, come over and let’s eat chocolate and veg out. I’ve needed someone else to say, I need a friend.
So if you feel like you’re the only one, let me take a minute to be real with you – I’m struggling too. This kind of vulnerability is rare, and I don’t want it to come off as desperate. I’m willing to risk that though in order to let someone else know that they are not alone.
As we take this next step, I’m going to need some support. My prayer is that I find it in God, in my husband, in my family and in some good, solid friends. While I may be leaving a few behind, I’m hoping to find some friends ready to go deep, get real and plain hang out.
What’s the Skinny?
I’ve been discovered! Our position has been compromised!
A friend of mine called tonight to tell me she and her husband were moving from one part of the country to another and then added, “You aren’t moving yet, right?”
What?! I was completely thrown off. I mean, she’s among the people who’ve known me and that I want to move for years but in a sense, nothing’s changed. What no one’s supposed to know is that it’s actually happening. I don’t think I fielded that question as well as I would have liked. Shoot.
At this point, it is starting to get tricky though. At home, we’re talking about dates to go. I’m making a pile of items for a garage sale and packing things we will be putting in storage. To the outside world, we’re just doing life and taking a few weekend summer trips. But really, these trips are likely my last chance to see a lot of people, including my grandparents this coming weekend.
We are trying to be sensitive to what’s happening around us. We want to tell our workplaces sooner rather than later so that there’s opportunity to fill our positions. We want to tell our friends, but we also want to just enjoy spending time with them. I might be blogging (secretly), but we’ve told very few people. Those people either live out-of-state or we’re related to them. And part of it is that we don’t want to start saying things until we know what the heck the plan is. Right now we still have applications out in several parts of the country. So we wouldn’t want to say we’re moving to this state, when in reality we’re going the complete opposite direction. We’re getting really close to a plan. That plan being, move and figure it out. But even with that, we want to be cautious about it (in a healthy manner) and don’t want to let the cat out of the bag before we have to.
In that same breath, it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing I interact with people that have no idea. It’s a big part of our daily life right now, yet we’re trying to keep it under wraps. What kind of friend does that make me? I’m trying to drop subtle hints so no one is blind-sighted. I suppose though in some ways, that goes back to my fear of the perceptions of others. But this one is a bit more personal. I want my friends to know I care about them and therefore want to let them in on my life. So, friends, sorry in advance that the timing might be off when I do get around to telling you. We’re just trying to do what seems best for the time being.