Back to our regularly scheduled programming after a brief week of no blogging because it was all a bit too much. So, let’s go ahead and make this a two-week round up of what’s been happening around here.
1. I attended Influence Conference. There may be a bigger recap at a later date as three days can hardly be summed up in a few sentences, but I was so glad to have the chance to go for the final year of this event. After buying my ticket a year in advance, in some ways it was different than I expected but that might be because I’m in a different place and have done a lot of different things since last year. I spent my time listening to some powerhouse speakers, writing my thoughts in cursive, and meeting some incredible women.
2. I got a new logo! I know you thought something looked different, but no, I didn’t get a hair cut (ha!) so it’s a good thing that wasn’t your guess. My friend Jordie did a wonderful job helping me out with a design so I could have business cards for my blog in time for the conference. We’re still working out some of the details for the layout of the blog and how it all works together, but I am so pleased to have this. She was incredibly kind and gracious to me, and I am so grateful for all of her hard work.
3. We snuck in one last trip to the beach. Going in the off-season means it’s cheaper…but you run the risk of it being cold and rainy, which was exactly what happened this time. We still managed to find a few good hours of beach time and played in the rain before returning to Raleigh for another day of exploring. Nevertheless, we had a great time on our 4th annual trip with this fun family we just so happen to be related to.
This a full season–a packed time of so many good things, but in the end it’s making me feel exhausted and overwhelmed. To start, I’ve been out of town for four of the last five weekends. Not to mention, there’s been major happenings at work for both of us, a quick birthday party for him, and a number of out-of-town guests who have stayed with us. The next few weeks only bring more travel, more out-of-town guests, and more big projects and events.
With so many good things happening, it’s hard to admit that I can’t wait for it to all be over. Somehow everything just got scheduled all at once, making September, October, and part of November exhausting before they even started. Some days it feels like too much but then I think, I should be able to take on just a little bit more! This is all good stuff, why should I need a break? We live in a culture that says more is good and if you’re adding more good things then it must be really good. After reading Shauna Niequist’s post on the Storyline blog, I was reminded today that too much is still too much, regardless of if it is good or bad.
Last week I said “no” to something I wanted to say “yes” to and said, “let me get back to you” on something I almost said “yes” to…but then literally ran out of time to simply send a text saying, “Yes, I’ll do it.” I didn’t blog once last week, and thankfully, didn’t feel any remorse about it even though I had plenty to say. I’d rather say yes to all the things and all the people, but I’m realizing that not all good things are worth taking on, no matter how much I want to do them.
The reality is, I could continue to have a busier life. I have a spare hour here or there that hasn’t yet been claimed or scheduled away. I could technically do more and hustle the heck out of my week. Somehow, other people seem to do it. Half of my motivation sometimes comes from looking around at the people who manage to pull it off…all with three or four kids and amazing looking instagram photos to boot.
So why do I keep failing? If they can do it, why am I having such a hard time keeping it all together with my no kids and fuzzy instagram photos? What’s my excuse for always being slightly behind and never quite enough? Why do I have these goals and dreams, but so little energy that it seems they are impossible to achieve?
I don’t have the answers to those questions…but I can feel with everything in me thatthis needs to be a season of soaking up as much rest as possible. We’re still not out of the woods with all the things we have committed to or the trips we are booked to take, but in the moments in between, rest is what we need.
Therefore, I’m giving myself permission to slow down. To let go of my own expectations and extend grace when rest is more important than the to-do list. This doesn’t mean abandoning my goals or backing out of all of my commitments, but instead discerning what is truly important right now. What needs to be addressed today and what will still be there tomorrow or next month. Where I should ask for help and when I need to say no. This is not shutting myself out from the world, but rather seeking the right balance and telling the truth about where I am right now.
My next few weeks and months will continue to be full, but with the extra little bits of time in between I will do everything I can to hold onto whatever rest that it offers.
Hey there! For this week’s three, I started writing this from a cute little coffee shop in Indianapolis (and then finished it several hours later). What?
1. I’m on the road again. Because I don’t go out of town enough or something. It’s been a crazy few weeks, and I feel I’m in a new place every few days lately…probably because that would be accurate. I told you this was a full season, didn’t I? This adventure is in the name of the Influence Conference, where a whole bunch of women get together to talk about blogging and influence and faith…or at least that’s what I’ve been told. Sessions officially start tomorrow so I’ll be sure to give you more details about it in the days to come!
2. Having priorities means making sacrifices. I don’t think we can have it all. That’s maybe not a popular opinion, but I think it helps us to realize that we must focus our priorities on what we really want to achieve.
3. I’m more of an introvert than I thought. Being surrounded by people or being “on” for a certain amount of time tires me more than it used to. I find more peace in the quiet by myself, but I don’t think anyone is extroverted or introverted all the time. I think it’s more about striking a balance between the two in a given day or week. So maybe your extroverted job means you need more introverted personal time or vice versa. Maybe your introverted self loves a party every once in a while to change things up or your extroverted self loves reading a book. Finding what your preferences and needs are allows you to seek out the people and/or the extra space when needed, and I think that is such a valuable lesson.
p.s. That picture? Yeah…it had nothing to do with any of these three. Just a picture from this week with my favorite guy.
Go to any event or get together, and you’ll hear something along the lines of “what’s your story?” Whether it’s asking what your job is, where you’re from, what your relationship status is…whatever. We get the basic questions to start and then as we get to know people better, we get into more of the details. What did you do before that? What do you want to do? Where are you going? What’s your family like? Why don’t you…? When did you decide…? What can’t you eat?!
Personally, I love hearing a person’s story and think we should all keep sharing with each other. It allows us to connect, relate, and encourage. We learn from others and are inspired. But sometimes, the story stops us.
We hide from our stories or get stuck on one part of it. Whether it’s a failure or a hardship, we get tired of sharing that story yet feel it’s the only true story to tell. We convince ourselves that we’re lying if we don’t include it, so we either avoid people altogether or share more than we should. Instead of connecting, relating, and encouraging, we drown out the rest of our story with just one part of it.
So often in our minds we let a section, sentence, or chapter of our lives become THE story. For example, I could just be the girl who has allergies or the girl who has had a weird string of job troubles (or a number of other unfortunate things). At certain points in my life, that felt like all I would ever be or at least, all I seemed to talk about. Admittedly, those things used to take up a lot of my time and energy and understandably so. During said seasons when I was trying to figure out my health or trying to find a job it was miserable and exhausting. But I couldn’t figure out how to be anything other than that struggle.
The trick is to learn to tell your story without getting caught up in all of the subplots. I’m not saying you need to run from your story or ignore the parts that weren’t pretty. The hardships do have impact, but they do not have to be the only story we tell with our words or actions. Your story keeps moving if you let it.
Maybe you are in the thick of a subplot or maybe you don’t know what you want your story to be about. We’ve all been damaged, lost, hopeless, and heartbroken. Don’t let that stop you from living out an incredible story. There’s so much more in store–there’s more to the story than just this chapter. You have a bigger story to tell.
It’s been an entire week! How? How?! The week has gone fast but the days have been long and tiring. I hate the overuse of the word “busy”, so recently I’ve taken to saying that we are in a very full season in life right now. It’s a good season with a lot of great things, but full can be overwhelming and stressful just the same.
1. Prep work doesn’t look flashy. A lot of my days and weeks recently have been preparing for the long-term–whether in writing, working, blogging, or relationships. There’s a reason you don’t often buy tickets to watch sports teams practice or attend musical rehearsals. I’m in that hard work behind-the-scenes phase, but don’t have much to show for it.
2. Birthdays are the best(when they aren’t yours). I think most people feel a little weird on their birthdays past the age of 13. There’s a mix of expectation and disappointment and introspective thinking that hit you all at once. Lucky for me, it was the hubby’s birthday so I had a grand ‘ole time inviting people over for a surprise ice cream get-together to celebrate another year of his life.
3. Summer is for side trips. Most years it seems we take our week-long trips in the fall or spring (it’s so much cheaper that way), but we try to squeeze in a day or two of exploring or rest throughout the summer. After spending one weekend near the mountains and this past weekend at the beach, we’re grateful for the many opportunities to see some natural beauty in our state and glad we got to spend some time with family.
It’s Friday, and I’m just now getting to the weekly recap. Whoops. Here’s a few questions that I think are worth asking…
1. Do you have to? Sometimes you have a lot to do but then realize you don’t have to do it and really need to take a nap or call a good friend instead. A lot of this week I’ve been stressed out by my to-do list, only to step back and see that only a small fraction of it had to be done by the deadline I had given myself. There’s usually something that can wait a day and take a backseat to the things that are really important.
2. Did you take the chance you had? All summer long I’ve said we’ll get to a baseball game. A simple and small thing, but it didn’t happen last summer and here we are at the end of the season. With a packed weekend ahead, Monday night was our last chance, and I’m so glad we took it.
3. Who do you want to be like? I think we are each individuals with unique talents and dreams, but I also think we are greatly influenced by those around us. This weekend, my three-year-old niece wanted her hair to match mine, regardless of what it looked like. As we get older, that admiration may take a different form, but I think there’s still value in it. If there’s someone who you appreciate or respect, it’s worth realizing what it is about them that you would like to learn from and work towards. Maybe it’s their values, commitment, skills, work ethic or wisdom. Who are those people in your life? Are they the right people to learn from? What is it that you admire most?
I’m also not interested in forming friendships with Liz Lemon, Leslie Knope, Tami Taylor, Mindy Lahiri, Ross and Rachel, Jimmy Fallon or anyone else on TV.
Why not?!
They all seem like great people. They make me laugh or smile, and I get to see some of them fairly often. But guess what?
I can’t have a conversation with any of them. We’ve never taken a walk or gone out to dinner. I don’t know what happened during their week, much less know their phone number. We won’t ever go play tennis, dance around to my favorite music or walk the aisles of Target–just because.
None of those people will ever even know my name. Yet they’ve been invited into my home on a regular basis.
What makes me most sad is that these relationships with TV stars or fictional characters have sometimes taken the place of actual friendships and real relationships in our lives. Real friendships are messy and take commitment. Maybe it means leaving the house or planning ahead. Or being vulnerable and real…and you need to have a friend who will let you be that. It’s probably saying, “I care about you.” “Let’s hang out.” “How can I brighten your day?” and sometimes even, “I’m sorry.”
I most certainly watch TV. This is not one of those “throw your TVs out the window” posts declaring all television and entertainment evil. Ellen Degeneres is probably super great in real life. But I’ll never know.
You know who I do have the chance to get to know? The people I interact with; the ones I see every week. From my neighbors to my co-workers, friends across town to friends and family across the country, those are the people in my life that I want good relationships with. I want to know their quirks and jokes, hear their stories and cheer them on as they pursue their goals.
Watch television, that’s fine, whatever. But make sure the biggest relationships in your life are with the people around you, the ones that can actually have a relationship with you, too.
What a long and interesting week it has been. Hard to sum up, but I’d hate to leave you hanging, so let’s talk about this week’s three.
1. Sometimes you have to say yes and sometimes you have to say no. The more I need to say no, the more I realize I care too much about what people think. Saying yes often looks more adventurous, but saying no (when necessary) looks boring or lame.
2. Writing takes time. Lately, I’ve been really trying to branch out with my writing and have sent off pieces to a few new places. This week a slightly re-worked blog post on Freelancers Union and a guest post about Argentina showed up, while a few other pieces were submitted. I’ve loved the challenge and welcome the opportunity, but have noticed a decline in posts on my own blog. So bear with me as I continue to find the right balance.
3. Change is hard. Some people love change while others say they hate it. In reality, it’s all about context, but regardless of good or bad, change is hard. Transitioning from one thing to another is difficult. You say goodbye to the old and welcome something new. A new job, a new friend, a new routine, a new role, a new home, a new challenge–the new can be exciting and/or terrifying, but it takes a lot of getting used to. Sometimes during that process we either cling too tightly to the old or are too quick to dismiss all that was good about the old in hopes of better embracing the new. Lately, there’s been a lot of change…slow and subtle change, yet simultaneously way too fast and all at once. I’ve felt some resistance, some excitement, and a bit overwhelmed in it all. The best I can do is appreciate the life I’ve had and look forward to what is to come.
Ever want to only talk about happy things? Not to make it sound like I’ve got life figured out or don’t have hard days, because that’s not accurate. Sometimes it’s more fun though to talk about the good and the happy, so today we’re going to do just that. Because really, I’ve had a pretty good week. Nothing crazy or epic, just lots of little enjoyable moments I don’t want to forget.
1. Let’s laugh–a lot. There’s a reason I’m a writer and not a comedian. My timing is terrible. I get so excited or nervous about the punchline that I struggle through the words until the end of the story. But thankfully, there are those people out there who know how to tell a good joke and on Friday we saw one of our favorites, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.
2. Let’s go for a ride. When friends of ours invited us to float down a river for several hours this weekend, there was one clear answer: HECK YES. So I challenge you, go for a ride. Your choice–bicycle, paddleboat, roller coaster, horse or car–but go feel the wind in your hair, breeze on your face…uhh, water on your toes? All I know is that it doesn’t need to be fancy, but it might just be the highlight of your week. (For the record, taking a picture of four tubes all floating in different directions is way harder than it looks.)
3. Let’s live life full of whimsy. I’m borrowing a phrase from Bob Goff, an amazing person and storyteller, who encourages us all to live with whimsy. Well, an opportunity presented itself this week that we just couldn’t pass up. A five-year-old neighbor friend of ours has been on a quest lately to catch a rabbit and even set up a little rabbit incentive by way of carrots and arrows on Sunday. The only reasonable thing to do would be to call every Dollar Store in town in search of what the clerk kept referring to as a “stuffed rabbit” in order to promptly buy it and leave it surrounded by some carrots. Perhaps it’s ridiculous, but I sure had fun with it and I’d like to think the girl and her family did, too (not to mention their friends on Facebook who were getting regular photo updates). We slid under the radar and got to spread a little whimsy, even if just for the day.
Good things–really crazy, incredible and amazing things–can be the wrong thing.
Isn’t that crazy? I just want to say yes to everything good. I want to cheer on my friends going after all the amazing things they are doing, and I want to inspire people to chase after dreams. But honestly, not all the good things are the right things.
We might have impressive careers or intriguing hobbies or lofty goals that all fall under the “good” category. No matter who you meet, they might all say, “Wow, that’s awesome. Good for you!” But it still might not be the right thing. There might be a better thing out there. That good thing might be causing bad things in other areas. Or the good thing is distracting or deterring you from the right thing.
So we ask ourselves, again, for the millionth time, “Why are we doing this good thing?”
Maybe all of our reasons are completely justified. Perhaps on paper, everything adds up perfectly. And quite possibly, it is the right thing. But sometimes we hear a whisper that says otherwise. We see a glimpse of the wreckage that good thing might cause. There’s an eerie feeling that doesn’t make sense. You realize there’s a greater compromise at stake. Or you simply start looking ahead and see that it leads somewhere far from ideal.
Sometimes you just know when a good thing is not the right thing. You might not even understand it yourself, but over time you become confident. It’s not always easy to distinguish the right thing and even harder to say no to a good thing. Perhaps few will understand at the time, or you won’t be able to properly explain it.
Having the discernment between what’s good and what’s right is invaluable. Acting on it–that will change your life.
