Uncategorized

Finally

Samantha Gratton
After weeks (which seemed like months) my blog is back in action. Why the hold-up? Well the theme (read: layout and design) was apparently glitching out and causing the whole thing to freeze up. It drove me a little crazy, so I was emailing help support almost daily and got all of the standard, “try refreshing your browser” tips before they finally got to the bottom of it. So a new theme is here for now, but maybe I’ll play around with it some more and get it looking a bit more like me. I’d been wanting to do that for some time, and now I have an excuse. 
Okay, housekeeping details aside, I’m so glad to be writing again and not fighting with formatting issues and unresponsive scripts. Oh wait, that’s what I do in my day job. Well kinda, not really. I do test a lot of websites out to find such errors but then hand a long list of problems back to the developers. What do I do now, you ask? I’m still figuring that out and so are they. But it’s a mix of looking through schedules, talking to clients and trying to improve processes. It’s a good fit for me. It’s still a pretty slow start as you can hardly manage projects if you don’t know anything about them. I’m also slowly uncovering all my ping pong skills as that is a game of choice at work. It’s nice to peel your eyes away from a screen and move around a bit. 
I’m trying to do a few other things that are a change of pace. Yesterday I wandered into a bead/jewelry shop and walked out after making a pair of earrings. It was a struggle to feel fairly incompetent when it came to bending some wire but still fun to have a finished product by the end. Sunday I walked around the track talking with a friend until we realized it had been five miles while the hubby played ultimate frisbee. It’s doing these small things that take you out of your comfort zone or routine that lets you dream about so much more. Maybe I’ll make half of our Christmas presents this year. Or maybe it’s time I joined a regular workout class again now that my leg really isn’t as much of a problem anymore. Dreaming opens up other dreams like no TV show ever could. 
Sometimes when I start dreaming about one thing, I realize it’s not actually my dream. Like when I spent a weekend learning all about food trucks or spent a month researching teaching overseas. It’s worthwhile to go down those trails just to find out it’s not your dream. In both cases, I realized what my actual dream was instead. In the case of teaching abroad, it was soon after that we realized we wanted to move but within the U.S. Instead of a food cart, I bought my own url. Right now the dream is to write. Maybe not a book or a billboard, but to write where I’m at. To write about life and hopefully, to help other people through it.  
Whew. That was quite the blog. How that started to get where it ended is somewhat of a mystery. It’s good to be back.

Thursday Three

Samantha Gratton

Gee, I blog almost everyday for a month and as soon as we hit November go quiet for a week. What the heck? I’m going to partially blame studying for an exam I had earlier this week. Something about homework makes you feel like if you aren’t doing it then you shouldn’t be doing something else you enjoy. So instead you sit around procrastinating and not really accomplishing anything. But here we are, it’s Thursday. Oh blessed Thursday. Sidenote: “Bless” and all forms of the word is all sorts of Southern charm—something I’m learning to be quite a bit more cunning than we simple Midwesterners might imagine. 

1. Marriage brings us together... Over the weekend our church had a marriage seminar that was very interesting to say the least. All in all it was good to go but what I liked the most was that we made no plans for rest of the Saturday night when it was over so we had plenty of time to just hang out. We were totally adorable and laid the quilt in the lawn, surrounded by leaves and the lights strung from the tree to our house, and read a magazine together page-by-page. That was followed by a family band jam session and a walk through town. 

2. We’ve hit the anniversary stage with Raleigh. When we went on our walk we wound up downtown (it’s only a mile away) in the middle of a festival. It just so happened to be the same one we randomly came across a year ago when we hardly knew anyone and had no real friends to call. It was fun to reminisce and see how far we’ve come. We’re not always doing something new anymore but doing things twice, setting traditions and making memories. Before it was, “a year ago in Iowa” but now it’s, “a year ago when we were here…” Sorry if I sound like a broken record about that sometimes, but I still think it’s pretty amazing. It’s as if our relationship with Raleigh has really started to blossom and hit its stride. We’ve figured out some of the patterns and are getting into a routine together with this city. 

3. I love antiquing. Sunday afternoon we stopped by Vintage Village where several shops are all in a row and perused place to place. The bounty? Two necklaces, a ring, a cast iron rooster and a snare drum. Gosh it’s just too much fun to look through old stuff (junk and treasures really). It’s so interesting and inspiring to me. Whenever I go to a place like this I feel like a part of myself is realized and unleashed. I know the antique look is a little more trendy right now, but I often think I should have been born in a different era. The drum was a great find by the hubby, and I’m fairly sure he loves this sort of stuff as much as I do. It seems to have been owned by only one family before now and had all sorts of memorabilia from the 70s inside the case. The World’s Finest Chocolate Bars were apparently the fundraising tactic way back then—same label just a different expiration date. A lot of the things we find captivate us and adorn our homes but the drum might actually prove to be a profitable pick. That is, if the hubby’s ever ready to give it up. (Who wants to take bets?) 

The Week’s Threes

Samantha Gratton

I wanted to get to the Thursday Three, I really did. I also had a great last post for the month of October and relationships in mind, but life happened instead. As a writer, I go back and forth between wanting to write all about life and living it. Or maybe it’s just that tumblr keeps seeming to crash every time I try to do something, and I just don’t seem to have the patience for that. Oh, but I have so much to write and think about so here it goes… 

1. The fair here is nice, but I still say Iowa’s is better. We spend Saturday perusing the fair during the day time this year and met up with my sister and her boyfriend. We saw some shows that ranged from clogging competitions, dogs jumping and BMX/FMX tricks. All that and it was a perfect sunny and cool fall day. 

2. Too many shows, so little time. I know, I just said last week we wouldn’t have anymore shows any time soon but somehow we ended up with free tickets to Michael Buble, and it was so good. We sat about as high up and far away as possible in that big arena, but I still loved it. He is quite the singer and hilarious Canadian man. 

3. Costumes aren’t really our thing. We embraced them anyway though for the weekend’s festivities. Every year the hubby is “Floyd the mechanic” thanks to a goodwill find years ago, and every year I try to be creative and end up looking kinda strange. There was a failed attempt at a costume constructed primarily out of cardboard boxes but then I was a cowgirl instead. We ended up at two very different but fun parties on Saturday night and it was good to see so many new friends.

More

Samantha Gratton

We all need a little more grace and love. We need to give it more. Speak it more. Remember it more. Because grace and love can always be offered. You’ll never find someone who’s met their acceptance limit for grace and love. Please know that the person to the right and to the left of you need it just as much as you surely do. So keep piling it on. Give grace and love all day long.

Torn

Samantha Gratton

If you know me, you know I am often two to ten minutes late to just about everything. I can’t say I have a good excuse, but I can tell you another reason other than poor planning or laziness.

I wish I could be in two places at once.

Yes, I’ve seen A Walk to Remember when the girl has it on her dying wishlist and the boy has her stand on the state line (two states, one time) and no, this is not what I am asking for. I actually want to be two places at once. That’s the super power I’d ask for because no matter what, I always seem to be torn between a few people, places and things at once.

What if I want to go to lunch with a friend just as much as I want to clean the house with my husband? Or visit friends out of town as much as I’d like to spend a weekend hanging out with my neighbors? How do you choose between Skype time with a friend or a phone call from family? Which is more important, a friend in a panic or a friend you planned to be with months in advance? A new opportunity or an established friendship?

I want to be in all the places with all the people!

So I juggle. Not always very successfully, but I try. I don’t stay long enough in one place and am usually late to the next. I cram a full schedule because I haven’t kept up with everyone I want to, only to turn around and feel I haven’t seen a bunch of other people in far too long. I don’t know what to do or how to choose sometimes. It’s not because you aren’t important to me. If that was the case, it’d be easy. It’s that other people are important to me, too. I’m torn in different directions, and the only solution I can think of is being in two places at once.

The Job Front

Samantha Gratton

I promised a part two to the never ending analogy of the interview process and the dating scene. The hubby said it got a little confusing to read, and he knew who all the key players were. The short of it is that I was interviewing at several places at once but one stole my heart and later broke it. In that state of brokenheartedness, I went on a resume rampage and sent it to more than a few places that looked interesting to me.

One in particular I actually cared about hearing back from, the rest was a bit of a blind email spree. You know what? I only heard back from that one. Within a week they said to stop by for an open house they were having. A few days later they had me in for an interview. The very next day, they offered me the job.

What the what? In some ways it felt so fast. I had been interviewing of course all along but never thought it would happen so soon after meeting them. It took me a few days to sort through it. I had a really difficult time figuring out how best to respond. I wanted so badly to make the right decision, the perfect decision. I took the job.

Yesterday was my first day. Although slow, it was a good day. Got signed up for all the accounts and email, read through some documents and played a few (losing) games of ping pong against the guys. I don’t know yet what all my job will look like. I have a feeling there will be good and bad in it, like all jobs. I have been so scared to be excited or to even tell a bunch of people. It’s not because I’m not excited, I think it has more to do with being scared of the unknown. I don’t want to feel like I failed once again if this isn’t the ultimate best job ever for me. I don’t love that fear. But, fear is always there in some way or another, we just have to figure out how to deal with it. I’m praying that this is good. And if it isn’t, I’m praying for the good that will still come from it. Regardless, I’m going to be excited for all that is good about it, like the fact that they have waffle Fridays and seem to genuinely care about each other. I think that’s the best decision I can make.

Thursday Three

Samantha Gratton

Oh man. I mostly want to cozy up under some blankets and head to bed. It’s hardly chilly here compared to everywhere else but we’ve had the air off all week and the windows opens so it sounds like a good idea to me. Here’s the three.

1. Last weekend we hit the mountains. We stayed in the cutest little cabin and then hiked Stone Mountain. Funny enough, we managed to see someone we knew at the summit and hiked the rest of the way with him and his friends, making new friends all the way down. The joke of course being that now we can tell people we met on the top of a mountain. 

image

image

image

2. Nashville remains a wonderful place in my heart. We hit Music City for the past few days so the hubby could attend a conference and I came along and ended up attending as well. We met some great people and visited old friends all while breathing in the Nashville fall air.

image

image

3. Tomorrow is almost here. I’ve got a big day tomorrow. More to come! This whole week has been one thing to the next so I’m afraid I missed a few blogging days because of lack of internet or simply lack of time. It’s been a full past few weeks, but I am glad for all we’ve been able to go see and do.

At the Table

Samantha Gratton

A table can represent many things. Meals, bills, homework, art projects and board games all have a place here. There’s a lot of community that can happen around a table. When meals are shared, conversation often ensues. It’s a wondrous thing.

image

This is our table. I’m sure you thought I’d never actually get around to showing the inside of our home but here’s a glimpse, kitchen and all.

image

Food can sometimes make me feel like an outsider sadly. I’ve gone through bouts of serious sickness in the past and have mourned the loss of several food types. It’s easier than it was at first, but sometimes it’s still hard to keep going. While I haven’t been sick as often or intensely, I have to keep with it. Crazy food restrictions are still there. Sometimes I want to throw all caution to the wind and occasionally, I have. It ends in mixed results ranging from seemingly no change to an onslaught of sick.

At first, our meals with others seem to revolve around what I can and cannot eat. It’s a good story but by the end of the night it can be pretty exhausting to relive it all again and go through all the ins and outs of it. When just about every meal you share with someone involves you talking about all of the things you can’t eat, it can get overwhelming.

So, while I’d love to paint this beautiful picture of all the table can mean in community, it’s not the whole truth. It IS a wonderful setting for community and many meaningful things have happened there, but it’s also a hard and painful place for me. Food has caused so much stress and frustration, both as a result of eating it and of avoiding it. It can make me feel so disconnected from people, whether it’s because my meal will inevitably be different or maybe even because I have to physically leave in order to find something else to eat since nothing on the table will work. Yet at the same time, people have rallied around us and have been so kind and thoughtful as we’ve fought to figure this all out. There’s really been so much love and for that I am so grateful.

In the end, the table is a complicated place. Community and relationships are equally complicated. People have shortcomings and insecurities that cannot be as easily hidden in real relationships. Ultimately, it’s worth it to share in community and come to the table.

Thursday Three

Samantha Gratton

This week has flown. All the things I wanted to do and all the things I needed to do managed to slip away from me. How does that happen? Oh well. I will say that I have enjoyed this month of blogging every day. It’s been a good habit to be in, although some days I’m not quite sure what to say and other days I completely surprise myself with what I do say. But here we go with the weekly three.

1. I have now seen all three Back to the Future movies. The hubby and a few friends were incredulous when they found this wasn’t the case previously. So they insisted on a mini-marathon and suddenly I found myself feeling like a guest a boys slumber party in my own house. Lessons learned: 1. By 2015 we’ll all be flying around on hover boards. 2. Movie marathons are no longer a one-night ordeal. Apparently grown-ups can’t do three movies in a row without one or more people dozing off.

2. Fall is my favorite season. I know, everyone says they love fall, but I really, really do. I loved it before I knew it meant fall fashion with boots and scarves and bonfires and pumpkin-flavored everything. But let’s be real, I love all of that, too. Pumpkin bars might be my latest weakness.

3. Last night we witnessed yet another one of music’s finest. We’ve been hitting up so many shows in the last month, I can’t help but talk about it. I promise I won’t always make it part of my three, but seriously, we keep seeing some downright amazing musicians come through town. The Wood Brothers were here and although the hubby is the one who actually knows their music, I couldn’t help but dance and sing along.

Don’t Quite Belong

Samantha Gratton

There are parts of my life that don’t seem to line up. Like, I’m not quite hip enough for all the shows I go to. Or don’t have kids hanging off my arms like most of the other women at church. Or I don’t look old enough to do the things I am capable of at work. Or maybe I’m not musical enough for what people expect in relation to my incredibly musically inclined husband.

It seems like I’m never quite what “they” wanted. Sometimes I want to shout in return saying, “I DON’T FIT IN HERE! I KNOW IT JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO!” Yes, I get it, thanks. Because trust me, I feel even more awkward about it than you do. It feels as if my life is hanging in the balances, tinkering on the edge of total discord and absurdity.

So maybe we don’t have the same amount of money, number of kids, personal beliefs, musical talents, magnitude of eye makeup, years of experience or extensive vocabulary. No matter where I turn, I don’t seem to be matching everyone else there in some major life area. As uncomfortable as that can sometimes (often) be, I think there’s something incredibly valuable in it, too. Because instead of continuing on our own little paths, we get to learn from each other and grow from each other. That can’t happen if we all look, talk, act and think the same way. So maybe it will take a little more effort to bridge the gap. Maybe we’ll have to take those differences in stride and assume the best of each other. But I’d much rather that than living a life removed from those who have different experiences and understandings than my own.