Life Archives - Page 4 of 15

I Don’t Want Ellen to be my Best Friend

August 31, 2015August 31, 2015Samantha Gratton

I’m also not interested in forming friendships with Liz Lemon, Leslie Knope, Tami Taylor, Mindy Lahiri, Ross and Rachel, Jimmy Fallon or anyone else on TV.

Why not?!

They all seem like great people. They make me laugh or smile, and I get to see some of them fairly often. But guess what?

I can’t have a conversation with any of them. We’ve never taken a walk or gone out to dinner. I don’t know what happened during their week, much less know their phone number. We won’t ever go play tennis, dance around to my favorite music or walk the aisles of Target–just because.

None of those people will ever even know my name. Yet they’ve been invited into my home on a regular basis.

What makes me most sad is that these relationships with TV stars or fictional characters have sometimes taken the place of actual friendships and real relationships in our lives. Real friendships are messy and take commitment. Maybe it means leaving the house or planning ahead. Or being vulnerable and real…and you need to have a friend who will let you be that. It’s probably saying, “I care about you.” “Let’s hang out.” “How can I brighten your day?” and sometimes even, “I’m sorry.”

I most certainly watch TV. This is not one of those “throw your TVs out the window” posts declaring all television and entertainment evil. Ellen Degeneres is probably super great in real life. But I’ll never know.

You know who I do have the chance to get to know? The people I interact with; the ones I see every week. From my neighbors to my co-workers, friends across town to friends and family across the country, those are the people in my life that I want good relationships with. I want to know their quirks and jokes, hear their stories and cheer them on as they pursue their goals.

Watch television, that’s fine, whatever. But make sure the biggest relationships in your life are with the people around you, the ones that can actually have a relationship with you, too.

Thursday Three

August 27, 2015Samantha Gratton

What a long and interesting week it has been. Hard to sum up, but I’d hate to leave you hanging, so let’s talk about this week’s three.

1. Sometimes you have to say yes and sometimes you have to say no. The more I need to say no, the more I realize I care too much about what people think. Saying yes often looks more adventurous, but saying no (when necessary) looks boring or lame.

2. Writing takes time. Lately, I’ve been really trying to branch out with my writing and have sent off pieces to a few new places. This week a slightly re-worked blog post on Freelancers Union and a guest post about Argentina showed up, while a few other pieces were submitted. I’ve loved the challenge and welcome the opportunity, but have noticed a decline in posts on my own blog. So bear with me as I continue to find the right balance.

3. Change is hard. Some people love change while others say they hate it. In reality, it’s all about context, but regardless of good or bad, change is hard. Transitioning from one thing to another is difficult. You say goodbye to the old and welcome something new. A new job, a new friend, a new routine, a new role, a new home, a new challenge–the new can be exciting and/or terrifying, but it takes a lot of getting used to. Sometimes during that process we either cling too tightly to the old or are too quick to dismiss all that was good about the old in hopes of better embracing the new. Lately, there’s been a lot of change…slow and subtle change, yet simultaneously way too fast and all at once. I’ve felt some resistance, some excitement, and a bit overwhelmed in it all. The best I can do is appreciate the life I’ve had and look forward to what is to come.

Thursday Three

August 20, 2015August 21, 2015Samantha Gratton

Ever want to only talk about happy things? Not to make it sound like I’ve got life figured out or don’t have hard days, because that’s not accurate. Sometimes it’s more fun though to talk about the good and the happy, so today we’re going to do just that. Because really, I’ve had a pretty good week. Nothing crazy or epic, just lots of little enjoyable moments I don’t want to forget.

1. Let’s laugh–a lot. There’s a reason I’m a writer and not a comedian. My timing is terrible. I get so excited or nervous about the punchline that I struggle through the words until the end of the story. But thankfully, there are those people out there who know how to tell a good joke and on Friday we saw one of our favorites, Mr. Jim Gaffigan.

2. Let’s go for a ride. When friends of ours invited us to float down a river for several hours this weekend, there was one clear answer: HECK YES. So I challenge you, go for a ride. Your choice–bicycle, paddleboat, roller coaster, horse or car–but go feel the wind in your hair, breeze on your face…uhh, water on your toes? All I know is that it doesn’t need to be fancy, but it might just be the highlight of your week. (For the record, taking a picture of four tubes all floating in different directions is way harder than it looks.)

3. Let’s live life full of whimsy. I’m borrowing a phrase from Bob Goff, an amazing person and storyteller, who encourages us all to live with whimsy. Well, an opportunity presented itself this week that we just couldn’t pass up. A five-year-old neighbor friend of ours has been on a quest lately to catch a rabbit and even set up a little rabbit incentive by way of carrots and arrows on Sunday. The only reasonable thing to do would be to call every Dollar Store in town in search of what the clerk kept referring to as a “stuffed rabbit” in order to promptly buy it and leave it surrounded by some carrots. Perhaps it’s ridiculous, but I sure had fun with it and I’d like to think the girl and her family did, too (not to mention their friends on Facebook who were getting regular photo updates). We slid under the radar and got to spread a little whimsy, even if just for the day.

Good but Not Right

August 19, 2015August 19, 2015Samantha Gratton

Good things–really crazy, incredible and amazing things–can be the wrong thing.

Isn’t that crazy? I just want to say yes to everything good. I want to cheer on my friends going after all the amazing things they are doing, and I want to inspire people to chase after dreams. But honestly, not all the good things are the right things.

We might have impressive careers or intriguing hobbies or lofty goals that all fall under the “good” category. No matter who you meet, they might all say, “Wow, that’s awesome. Good for you!” But it still might not be the right thing. There might be a better thing out there. That good thing might be causing bad things in other areas. Or the good thing is distracting or deterring you from the right thing.

So we ask ourselves, again, for the millionth time, “Why are we doing this good thing?”

Maybe all of our reasons are completely justified. Perhaps on paper, everything adds up perfectly. And quite possibly, it is the right thing. But sometimes we hear a whisper that says otherwise. We see a glimpse of the wreckage that good thing might cause. There’s an eerie feeling that doesn’t make sense. You realize there’s a greater compromise at stake. Or you simply start looking ahead and see that it leads somewhere far from ideal.

Sometimes you just know when a good thing is not the right thing. You might not even understand it yourself, but over time you become confident. It’s not always easy to distinguish the right thing and even harder to say no to a good thing. Perhaps few will understand at the time, or you won’t be able to properly explain it.

Having the discernment between what’s good and what’s right is invaluable. Acting on it–that will change your life.

This Week’s Three

August 14, 2015Samantha Gratton

Yep, I failed at writing my Thursday Three on Thursday, so this will have to do. It’s been a full week, lots of good and a bit of not-so-good, but by the end of each day, I feel spent and then I realize I can’t do it all.

1. The less you have, the less you lose. There are times we all want more. More feels good and makes us feel like we have more worth and must have accomplished more to acquire more. But living with less means you rely on less, so when something happens it doesn’t carry as great of an impact. This week I got rear-ended so my car is super scratched up (it’s a long story and kind of strange) and our air conditioning went out. The good news is, we don’t have fancy cars, and we don’t own our home. So, the car might just look like that for now. And thankfully, we don’t have to pay for the A/C to get fixed as renters. In the meantime, we were supplied a small window unit to cool our home which might not have cut it, but thankfully we keep our home at a balmy 81 degrees in the summer so we hardly felt a difference.

2. Being active is awesome. I don’t have a gym membership, I don’t have a set fitness routine and I don’t have any shakes to sell. I do try to live an active lifestyle though, so instead of meeting for coffee I might say “let’s go on a walk”, and I’m always up for a bike ride or a game of tennis. This week included all of those things, and I loved every second of it, despite the North Carolina humidity.

3. School supply season is always a little inspirational. I may have spent far too long wandering the aisles of crayons, pencils and erasers this week. I carefully chose a planner and a new notebook and thought of all the days to come. It’s the start of a new season and regardless of how many years it has been since I’ve been a student, I always think of fall as the start of a new year. New pens and planner in hand, I’m ready for it!

Can’t Do It All

August 12, 2015August 12, 2015Samantha Gratton

There are days (or weeks) like today that I don’t want to write. Or rather, I’d love to write but can’t figure out what to say. There are plenty of thoughts swirling around my head, recent failures I could admit to/learn from and random activities occurring, but it doesn’t seem like enough. Or maybe I don’t feel like enough.

It always starts out good. I run around for a few days, tackle the to-do list, write something I’m proud of, have great conversations with people and feel almost accomplished with life. Then I crash.

I want to be the person who can do it all. I want to have all the right things to say or write about, but I also want to be present where I’m at. I want to work hard but know how and when to rest. I want to push the limits but not get hurt. I want to have strong relationships with people but don’t want to be a people pleaser.

That nonstop, good-at-life thing doesn’t seem sustainable somehow, which feels like I must be doing something wrong. Failing is not fun. I’d love to tell you that I am able to always dust my shoulders off and keep shooting for the stars but that wouldn’t be true. Instead, I cry (literally) and kick myself (figuratively) as I try and fail (or fail to try) all over again.

This isn’t a pity party. There’s so much good in my life and in a matter of hours or days I’ll be right back to ticking off my never-ending to-do list. No, this is just the reality. I can’t be all the things to all the people or do all the things on all the lists. I have expectations of myself that can’t always be met and the only way to re-align them is to change the measurement stick and show some vulnerabilities.

Thursday Three

August 6, 2015August 7, 2015Samantha Gratton

Every hour in my day seems to fly on by and suddenly it’s Thursday. I feel like I can’t keep up with the clock…it just keeps going. Whew. Welcome to the (almost) weekend. You made it!

1. Growing up is like growing a garden. We’ve loved having a garden this summer–there’s nothing quite like some fresh tomatoes and basil (with cheese, of course). We’ve expanded this year’s garden to also include okra, spinach, cucumber, kale and a few herbs. But let me just say, it takes work. It requires daily attention, cutting out the bad and elements completely outside of our control (like good weather and no rabbits). In the same way, personal growth and development takes time and effort, working through and eliminating the bad and faithfully waiting through the variables we simply cannot control. A garden is the perfect reminder of that process.

2. We all have strengths and talents. Mine just happens to be writing incredible to-do lists. While you may never see me performing that in a talent show, it’s still pretty significant and can help out the people around me. So, use your talent. Even if it doesn’t belong in a frame or on a stage, it can still make an impact.

3. Rest is important. We live in a culture that praises busy and expects constant work. The problem is, that’s not sustainable, healthy or necessary. Yes, use your strengths but also, set aside time for rest. You can and should take some time to rest every day, every week, every month and every year. Take a break. It’ll be okay.

Living in the Little

August 4, 2015August 5, 2015Samantha Gratton

Every year I make a photo album to reflect what the year was about–what we did, who we spent time with, what our life looked like. Without fail, it never comes close to reflecting what the year actually looked like. Instead, it has the trip photos, rare gatherings with out-of-town guests and maybe a snapshot of an activity we did.

Right now I feel like I’m in a make or break moment. But am I really? Is this a big moment or is this just like all of the other little ones?

So much of life isn’t lived in the big moments. Those may be the times that you caught a photo or you are acknowledged for it, but it isn’t what got you to where you are today. It’s the little every day, seemingly no-big-deal decisions that propel you forward in the direction you’re going.

What I wore in my 5th grade class photo or what major I chose in college doesn’t define me now. Not even moving across the country or my wedding day, those monumental, meaningful days, truly define right now. They have an impact, absolutely. But it wasn’t my wedding day that made me a good wife. It’s not my location that makes me a part of a community. It’s not having a major in journalism that makes me a writer. (And thankfully my sense of style was not solidified in elementary school.)

It’s waking up every morning saying, I love you and making a daily commitment to my marriage. It’s being a friend and a presence with the people around me that makes me a part of this community. It’s sitting down and writing several times a week that makes me a writer.

It’s how you spend your days–those long days of effort and dedication in the little moments. The hourly, daily, weekly decisions may seem insignificant, but that’s what most shapes your life over time.

Thursday Three

July 30, 2015Samantha Gratton

It’s that time. Time for the weekend to be here and time to look back on the past week. Let’s do it.

1. You are stronger than you think you are. Put that on a cat poster. This week a friend of ours invited us to use his guest pass at a local climbing gym, and it was pretty awesome. I’m short and clumsy, so rock climbing may not be best suited for someone like me, but I went anyway. The majority of the time we were bouldering (read: no ropes), so I was hesitant to get very high or make bold leaps. By the end of the night though I had taken more risks and walked away with pleasantly sore arms and blistered hands as my reward. Worth it.

2. Ask for help anyway. It’s not dumb to ask for help. We all have stressful things happening from time to time and it’s okay (or even good) to ask a friend for help when you need it. Or just to listen. Sometimes listening is more helpful than anything.

3. Reflect a little. Take a quick summary of the things happening in your life. You might be surprised at how much is going your way. There might still be bad and hard and ugly, but it’s important to see life as a whole sometimes and not get bogged down by the details, good or bad. Oh my gosh, and don’t let me tell you how to live your life. These are some of the things I tell myself…and if you want to listen that’s up to you.

Disposable Society

July 28, 2015July 28, 2015Samantha Gratton

We live in a world of disposable things. Styrofoam cups, paper plates, plastic bags–you’ll probably find at least one of these in every house in America. While there’s a long-term option, these offer a certain convenience. No need to protect them, no worry of damage, no obligation or responsibility.

Every so often we “upgrade” our phones to get a new one. The longevity of one of our most prized possessions is rarely longer than two years. We don’t attempt to fix or restore, just get another. Same thing goes for your TV, vacuum, camera, furniture, clothes and likely countless other items.

We see and experience a lot of transition. We move more often and are greater distances apart. We hold more jobs in the first five years of our career than our grandparents had their entire life. We have the technology at our fingertips to “connect” with anybody at anytime and more options than ever before with how to live our lives.

But how does this impact our relationships? Our friendships, our jobs and our communities? If almost everything in our lives is replaceable, when do we learn to value, respect and cherish what we have? How do we shift our disposable mindset to long-lasting, committed relationships?

Instead of disposable, committed relationships means both parties pledge to make it work and work things out. The kind of relationship that starts great, but when something goes awry, you stick with it anyway. You decide to struggle through and mend what was broken. (Band-aid fixes and shallow apologies are far from real repair.) There’s trust and grace and communication, but when those fail, you try again. You see the value in what was and what can be.

Sure, a fresh start seems easier and has a greater appeal than wading through the mess. Yes, there are times when moving on is natural or absolutely necessary. But more often, I think we get scared. We protect ourselves from heartache by never really committing in the first place. We give up when it gets hard or complicated. We avoid the tough conversations or the truth. We write off anyone that has ever hurt us. We walk away, find someone new and then do it all over again.

Often, we want the ease and comfort of relationships, but none of the work. In the end, we have more acquaintance-level relationships than we can count, but no one we trust to share our hopes and dreams, fears and failures.

Commit to the work. Agree to the hard part. Struggle through the awkwardness. Reach out with the truth or an apology. Find the middle ground. Be willing to open up and also ask questions. Invest, mend and restore. Build relationships but don’t discard them. Make the effort. Don’t give up.