This week has been a lot of things. Some weeks you just can’t articulate everything, so here’s three of those things.
1. Writing inspiration.Jon Acuff happened to be in town, and I decided to head on over to the local bookstore to hear what he had to say. A best-selling author of a few books (like Do Over and Quitter), he had a lot of good things to say but was also a pretty normal guy. It’s normal people who often do incredible things…you just have to do it. Sometimes we can get caught up with all of the obstacles, but then we don’t even put the time in to do the work. Start with doing.
2. A celebration of marriage. Weddings such a fun time of celebrating two people who have committed to spend their lives together. The hubby was a groomsman in the wedding this past weekend, so we got all dressed up, enjoyed time with friends and spent some time on the dance floor.
3. A life lesson of sorts. Through a long series of events, my sister lost her keys and therefore left her car unattended for a night over the weekend in a less than safe part of town. It was a bit of a mess to handle, especially when we later found out the car had been broken into. Insurance and AAA came in handy, but it was a long couple of days sorting it all out. I suppose the life lessons being, don’t ever lose your keys, bad things happen and you can’t plan for everything. Then it might start raining. What are you going to do?
I think we’re all grasping for truths in this world. We want to find the things that seem right, and we chase after those truths whether we realize it or not.
Anything from watching your favorite tv show or sports team to reading all the adventures and life lessons discovered in a memoir or novel has an element of seeking truth. Music speaks volumes and art speaks to the heart. Travel opens our minds to new experiences. Quotes and scriptures give us hope. We want to know there is meaning and worth out there, that there is truth. We want to know that the good guy always wins–maybe not the short game, but definitely the long game.
So, we ask the questions, have the long talks and grapple at what that truth is.
The hard part is knowing the truth from the narrative.
Perhaps the stories we’ve been told say disappointment will result in one thing and success looks like so. A mold of what something should look like takes over as we strive for the best and pursue truths we’ve been seeking. Outside influences bring ideas and opinions to the table, presenting their stories as truth. We sometimes re-shape and twist the narrative in our own attempt to create what is true, often distorting reality.
Not everything you hear, read, see or think is true.
It’s a struggle to keep truth at the forefront, but worthwhile. So choose wisely what you decide to believe and what you form your life around. Know who or what is speaking into your life and if it really is true. Where is your source of truth coming from? What lies are you believing as truths, and what truths are you ignoring?
When you say you are a writer, people have certain expectations.
They want you to say something special. It’s as if there is some fancy dictionary only writers know about to effortlessly add sophisticated words into sentences. It doesn’t matter if you are writing a novel or your grocery list–plain words are never enough. Clever words and fantastic analogies are expected of writers, regardless of the subject matter.
It all sounds dreamy…I must sit around in coffee shops and have a special soundtrack for my thinking and writing. Maybe an old typewriter is involved or a fountain pen adorns my desk. In my free time perhaps I sit around on comfy sofas reading the latest piece of worthwhile literature while wearing trendy glasses and cardigans.
But the reality is, I sit on the couch and type whatever first comes to mind and then I edit it for hours or even days. The room is usually dark and sometimes quiet. Half the time I forget that I wear glasses or am too lazy to go find them, so I sit and stare at the screen with the slightest bit of strain behind my eyes. I don’t own a typewriter or a fountain pen, but scribble in my notebook with a pencil like a middle schooler. I don’t use extraordinary words or require my readers to have an extensive vocabulary to understand me. I believe the best writing is the simplest.
There is a certain glamour to life in our heads. Whether movies or ignorant comments established such a scene, we sometimes feel the need to meet the standards of what “life as a…[fill in the blank]” looks like. That expectation then decides what success looks like. It’s in that exact moment that we back down and feel inadequate. Because our reality does not look like the expectation, we start to feel overwhelmed and incapable. Then guess what? We give up. We walk away. We say it’s too hard or that it’s never going to happen.
Real success happens when we redefine our expectations and then meet or exceed them. Instead of subscribing to conventional ideas, construct your own measurement for success. Create attainable goals and describe what that looks like daily–starting now.
You will never be able to live up to the hype or expectation of someone else. That doesn’t have to sound hopeless though. You have the freedom to look at your life and say, “This is what I want it to look like, and that is what I am working towards.”
You might still feel overwhelmed or like you are chasing a pipe dream. You might even try and fail. Don’t give in to the lies, distractions or comparisons; just focus on what you can do and press forward. If you really want to pursue that redefined success mark, do so wholeheartedly. Not only are your dreams more achievable, but you then get to celebrate and claim the small victories along the way.
What a week. One of these days I’ll get around to telling all of the crazy ups and downs and twists and turns, but for now, let’s just focus on all my favorite things.
1. Summer fun. That just about sums it up when I say we were spectators at a soapbox derby last weekend. Other words to describe it: ridiculous, crazy, awesome and bizarre.
2. Celebrations with friends. I’ve got some great people in my life, and I was so thrilled that a few of them joined me in celebrating another year at my favorite neighborhood restaurant. This doesn’t even cover everyone who came or everyone who I consider great in my life.
3. Birthday surprises. Yep, I’m slightly older and had a birthday. I did some writing and ate pizza, but otherwise didn’t expect much else after that gathering with friends earlier in the week. Turns out I was wrong, and there was a bit more sweetness in store from this little friend of mine.
It’s my birthday, and I have mixed feelings about it. This cake is even confused and makes you do math: 25 + 1.
Last year, I wrote all about the milestone birthday that was 25. I listed all my contradictions and everything I knew to be true in that moment. I felt like a mess at the time but looking back at that post again, it is beautifully written and full of hope.
This past year has been so incredibly full. It was full of incredible high points and deep lows. In so many ways, last year was everything I could have dreamed of…just no where near the way I saw it happening. For starters, it was really hard. I cried a lot, felt ripped apart the majority of the time and was stripped of my confidence over and over again. I felt like I had something to prove–that one day I might be able to present all my accomplishments to the world and therefore justify the struggle.
To the outside world, I look like I am in the same exact place that I was a year ago. I have nothing to show you, no ribbons or trophies to wave in your face. I did not grow an inch, nor did I graduate to the next grade or life stage. I am still here, floundering about in my twenties.
But if that is all you can see in someone, then you aren’t getting it. Further, if that’s all I can see, then maybe I really need to reevaluate, too.
There was a lot of life lived in the last year (and in the years prior). I loved with all my heart, pursued my dreams and left my comfort zone. I asked hard questions and stuck up for myself when appropriate. You could even say that I failed, but I did so while fully persevering–committed to learning and growing in the process. I opened my home to strangers and sought community with those around me. I let go of the pursuit of perfection but instead embraced my strengths and weaknesses.
Through all that, I still thought by now that I’d have something tangible to show you. Then I could say, “Look, I did all this. I’ve finally made it. I know what I’m doing now.”But the biggest and best parts of life are lived in intangibles.It’s your integrity and character, your hope and faith, relationships and love that are your biggest achievements.
I can’t give you many metrics or tout any awards, but I know with certainty that all of those areas in my life have been developed and strengthened in this past year. For that, I could not be more thankful or feel more accomplished.
Oh, what a week it has been. It’s been one of those weeks when it feels like the sky is falling, but then you look around and realize you have a lot of really awesome people in your life to help you through it. This week has been hard and good all at once. Crazy, right?
1. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t give up on your budget (especially not when car shopping). Don’t give up on the people in your life. Don’t give up on yourself.
2. Have fun. Should be a no-brainer, right? Sometimes I forget to have fun and just stress instead. This week’s fun consisted of a nerf gun war, lots of baby monkey sing-alongs and dancing in the rain (literally, because I am thatfun–just ask the neighbors).
3. Choose your adventure. While a bit cheesy sounding (and also the name of a book series and at one point the marketing slogan at my alma mater), it carries some truth. The situations and the choices you are presented may not always be what you want, but you probably do have a choice in how to respond and in determining what you value most. Our couchsurfers this weekend were at the beginning of a road trip across the country to discover their next location and occupations. It’s always good to remember that you have more than one option on how to live this life, so choose what you want it to be about.
Due to popular demand, I am telling you all about my solo road trip halfway across the country and back. This is the third part, starting at mile 1,681.5 because yes, I kept track of all my major stops. If you want to catch up on the miles before now, here’s your chance: Miles 1 through 465.9 and Miles 466 through 1,440.4. Otherwise, let’s get back on the road!
1,681.5 miles Des Moines, IA: I arrived to the place I called home for several years and the clock started ticking. We’ve taken a few trips back in the past, and it always feels like a race to see all the people we love in the amount of time we have (oh yeah, and I kept working during the day on this trip). So, I saw a LOT of people and was so glad to do so.
Mason City, IA: I arrived in the area and then promptly headed a few hours north. I don’t have the miles because this time I got to ride instead of drive to my next stop. A few friends were headed to Minneapolis, MN and I caught a ride to Mason City, IA, which was on the way there. This is where the real surprise was planned.
There’s a reason I didn’t post much about this trip until after it happened. My mom has NO idea I was coming. I thought maybe this trip would line up with Mother’s Day, but when it didn’t I decided not to tell her anyway. There was a part of me that wanted to record the moment, but then I decided to experience it instead. Her jaw dropped as soon as she saw me and this is her trying and failing to reenact the expression. Just know that it was worth it. After the surprise had subsided, she showed me all around her new town as I had never been there before.
Ames, IA: On the way back to Des Moines, my mom and I swung through Ames to visit my alma mater. It’s funny, when I was in high school, I refused to even visit a college in Iowa because I was so bent on moving, which is why my first year was spent at Missouri State before I transferred to Iowa State. Now I am so grateful for my experiences at Iowa State and proud to be a Cylcone, even from afar.
Des Moines, IA: Are you ready for a whole bunch of pictures of people I love and far less description of how my week went? Good, because that’s about to happen. In summary, I spent the week working during the day like a normal person and then using the rest of the time to catch up with great friends over lunch, coffee, dinner and dessert. I stayed with friends who are new homeowners, held tiny babies, checked out the new building of my old workplace and celebrated the next season in life my friends are entering in to. Des Moines was beautiful all week and I kept feeling like a tourist who wanted to capture all that is great about that place. Somehow, there are several more people I got to see and spend time with but didn’t get a photo with this time.
1,817.1 – 2,467.4 miles Clarksville, TN: In one day, I traveled 650 miles by car as I went from Des Moines to Tennessee. While originally planned as a two-day trek, this is another one of those plans that just changed and probably for the best. Luckily for me, it went incredibly quick as I had a co-pilot to keep me company all day. When Nancy and I realized we were thinking of going back to Iowa around the same time, we coordinated our trips so that we could do part of the journey together. She is another friend about to enter into a new stage of life as she was 30 weeks pregnant at the time, and I am so excited for her and her husband to be parents.
2,516.3 miles Nashville, TN: I got on the road thinking I might simply wave hello to Nashville and be on my merry way. Originally, this was to be a stop-and-stay-with-a-friend location, but when you’re on a road trip you’ve got to be flexible and ready to shift plans around. Once I arrived, I realized how much I still wanted a chance to stay for awhile. So, I did. One might think it was for reflection on this trip before returning home and in a way it was, but the reality was that I finally finished journaling about our trip to Argentina earlier this year. It gave me the chance though to let some of my thoughts flow from pen to paper and was just the rest I needed before driving the remaining 450 miles back home. I’d just spent time with a lot of people, heard a lot of truths and challenges and traveled almost nonstop for a few weeks and had a lot to process, so I was grateful for those last few hours driving through the mountains alone on my final stretch of the journey.
I’m telling tales about my solo road trip last month, which took me from Raleigh, NC to Des Moines, IA and back. Clearly, this is in the middle of those two places, so feel free to start reading about the first leg of the journey if you haven’t already.
638.0 miles Birmingham, AL: After a few hours of travel, I was thrilled to stop for coffee with the ever-so sweet, Jamie Golden. A friend introduced us on twitter, so when I realized my travels would take me through Birmingham, I was feeling bold and thought I’d reach out. Jamie is a podcaster, cake pop maker and simply all-around fantastic person. We talked for a few hours and laughed like we had been friends for years. We told stories, she shared some wisdom and told me about a podcast I had to hear. Our conversation carried me through the rest of the day as I drove through big rainstorms, flash flood warnings and parts of Mississippi.
879.8 miles Memphis, TN: You heard me set the scene there, right? “It was a dark and stormy night…” and then I arrived in Memphis. Well, okay. So I didn’t have the best set-up for my destination, which just isn’t fair to this fine city. On the trip, this was the part I was most on edge about beforehand and ended up being my least favorite. I did stay with a couchsurfer, who just wasn’t quite how I had hoped or expected based on her profile. But when it’s late at night in an unknown place, you roll with the punches and decide that you can make it through the night, so I did. The next morning I woke up bright and early, determined to work in a few places that would change my outlook. Thankfully, a blogger sent me some good recommendations of local coffee shops which helped a lot. I think Memphis likely has a lot of awesome things going on, but I didn’t get the chance to experience them this time. At the end of the day, I decided to keep on with my trip and embrace the next place, but I truly believe many will visit or live in Memphis and love it.
1,037.9 milesLittle Rock, AR: I had no idea what Little Rock would be like. I knew it was a city in a state that has some natural beauty and lakes in it, but didn’t know much else. This was my final stay with couchsurfers on the journey, and they were as kind as can be. Immediately upon my arrival they greeted me along with all their friends before we headed downtown to eat some fried catfish. They really tried to convince me that not all of Arkansas was about fishing, but they sure did talk about it a lot. The whole group seemed to love being outdoors, whether that meant hiking or kayaking or exploring. Unfortunately, I had arrived too late to join in for any of those activities, but I so appreciated being a part of their group of friends for just an evening as we walked along the Big Dam Bridge downtown after dinner.
1,257.4 miles Bentonville, AR: This is the point in the journey where I felt like I had arrived. Hardly my final destination, but this is where I would stay for a few days with my dear friend, Angela. Do you ever have friends you can talk to for hours and then still want to call them again tomorrow? This is that kind of friendship. We’ve been friends for over a decade and to this day, she’s one of my closest friends. The funny thing is, we haven’t lived in the same place for more than half of that time and hadn’t seen each other in over a year. It was so good to see where she lived and get a better feel for what her life looked like (not just how it sounded over the phone). We both worked during the day and then at night we would explore the town and a few museums. Bentonville is a small town, but it’s also the home and birthplace of Walmart, which makes for an interesting mix of bigger city culture with a small town size. We walked through Crystal Bridges, ate dinner at her favorite restaurant, browsed some antique shops, visited her workplace and toured the propaganda Walmart museum, where I proceeded to eat the tiniest ice cream cone that has ever existed.
1,440.4 miles Kansas City, MO: Okay, this is where the trip took a bit of a twist. Kansas City was a planned stop… and then it wasn’t… and then it was one anyway. Angela and I originally talked about visiting the area together and finally decided to go together for just the day but in separate cars. About a half hour into the trip, she called saying her car needed repair, a bit unexpectedly (it’s a long story), and she had to turn back but to keep going without her. At that point I figured I would just drive straight to Des Moines since I didn’t really have any real plans in KC and had been there before. Then I saw a sign for the Kansas City Zoo in one mile and on a whim took the exit. You see, my freshman year of college I actually went to a college in Missouri and still had a few friends in the area, one of whom happened to work at the zoo, which I knew thanks to social media. So I showed up at the zoo asking for Janna and was sent in towards the new orangutan exhibit to find her. Knowing I lived in North Carolina, she was quite surprised to see me for the first time in over five years. This was not the KC visit I planned, but it was the best kind of detour.
In May I had the opportunity to drive halfway across the country and back on a solo road trip. Over the course of more than 3,000 miles in 17 days, I saw and did quite a bit. It’s hard to sum it all up. In some ways I am still processing that it happened, because my life has pretty much gone back to normal since then. No one piece of the trip was especially amazing or impressive in itself, but the fact that it all happened amounted to something. There were little moments and stories that may never be retold or remembered, but it was a trip that I’m glad I took.
For those of you who want to road trip vicariously, you’re in luck. Below you will find a true and accurate account of the places I went and the people I saw. What I cannot share is the subtle moments of impact or the absurd amount of ice cream I ate (sorry).
176.8 miles Charlotte, NC: An early morning start was well worth it after attending the Creative Women’s Summit, where I found myself overwhelmingly inspired by each speaker. A few others had traveled to get there, but this was the start of a journey for me, and I wanted to soak up every moment, despite not knowing a single person there. The girl sitting next to me was on a continuous journey herself as the traveling wife of a caddy. She had an hour before dashing back to Florida, so we shared a quick lunch and meaningful conversation. I don’t know that our paths will ever cross again, but we became friends right there, totally unexpectedly.
Believe it or not, this was a working trip. So throughout the trip, I worked during the day like I would back at home. I may or may not mention it as a part of my journey but that was a big part of my trip and how I was able to have the time to do it. Just imagine me working here, because I did.
I don’t know much about Charlotte, but do I know two households of wonderful people who call that place home. Erin was a good friend of mine in Des Moines who recently moved to the Queen City, so we spent hours catching up over dinner and dessert in the ever-so trendy arts district, NoDa.
Then there’s the home I stayed in, a place that has become our Charlotte home base of sorts, especially for trips to the airport or Ikea. But this is so much more than a place to sleep–the family is dear to us and also started a friendship formed in Des Moines. Julie is an ever gracious host whom I respect and admire. Julie sent me on my way with encouragement, laughter and tightly-squeezed hugs.
314.8 Greenville, SC: All the love and friendship found in Charlotte gave me enough moxie keep on with the road trip. I arrived after dark on a Friday night to stay with couchsurfers for the first time as a surfer instead of a host. They greeted me with open arms, and I found myself soon at a bonfire of close friends and felt right at home. The next morning, the husband set out for another trip while his wife and daughter showed we around downtown Greenville. We walked through the farmer’s market and the beautiful Falls Park right in the middle of town while sharing about each other’s lives before I moved on to my next stop.
465.9 miles Atlanta, GA: There’s a lot happening in Atlanta, so I didn’t even begin to see it all in my short time there. I was taken by just how big the skyline was (I realize that makes me sound like a simple, small-town girl, but it’s true). Again, I stayed with couchsurfers (this time literally on a couch in the living room, whereas in Greenville I had a guest room) who welcomed me into their lives for the day. Both pursuing work in the film business, I learned a lot about the industry and what it meant to go after such a dream, the drive it took and the sacrifices it required, while we walked around exploring the area. I ended my time in Atlanta visiting Louie Giglio’s church on Sunday morning before heading on my way, with plenty of audiobooks and wandering thoughts to keep me company.
There’s a lot more trip to recount. I’ll be adding part 2 tomorrow, promise.
There are times in life where it feels like we are in a nonstop scramble or hustle. We want something or think we want something, so we aim high and charge full force into it. It feels like we’re pursuing something meaningful, and maybe we are. The effort and work feels good, like it matters. People start recognizing what is either hard work or exhaustion, as if it’s all the same.
In all that hustle we can forget what it is we are actually aiming for. When I essentially announced that I wanted to blog and really go all in, I scrambled. I spent hours looking for advice and following online groups for blogging. I tried to post things I’d never written about before and applied for different affiliate networks (read: ads). I participated in link-ups, added more photos in posts and thought about a logo. I went to networking events and cringed when I only had post-it notes with my name written on it instead of business cards like the “real bloggers” I was surrounded by. I followed my stats and tried to align my posts with the ones that seemed to get the highest reach. I started thinking how I could get more sponsorships and what kind of investments I needed to make for this blog to seem more legit.
In all that, I spent a lot of time not writing. I was striving to become a blogger instead of a writer. That is totally awesome…for somebody else. There are so many bloggers out there that are just blowing up. They have tons of followers, make the best cakes, dress like celebrities and know how to decorate a nursery room like nobody’s business. If that’s you, you keep doing your thing. I admire your work and wish you all the best, truly. But I realized it’s not really what I want or who I am. I want to be a writer, and I want the way I write to connect with people who are going after their hopes and dreams. I want to write transparently and truthfully, but in a manner that encourages and inspires. For me, my blog is just the avenue that allows me to do that. If one day that avenue happens to be in a different form, like in an article or book, then so be it. But currently, I’m not going after a book deal either. Right now, I’m after creating content that challenges, connecting with people and being the best writer I can be.
All of those other things are good and worthwhile, and I’ll admit I’ve learned so many things about blogging during that scramble. But I also have had to step back and say, what is it that I want out of this?Do I want sponsors? Do I want fame? Do I want a creative outlet? Do I want to build a portfolio of work or advance professionally? Do I want to pursue particular topics? What is it?
Many of these questions are relevant within several creative endeavors. Maybe the wording is slightly different or the medium is in another area, but the root of the question is still applicable. What do you want out of this?
You could potentially pursue, or even achieve, many of those things. It’s not bad to make money with your creativity or gain recognition for your work. It’s really nice actually. But if your primary motive is fame or fortune, then the work might take a different form than if you hope to simply have a creative outlet or a fun hobby. Neither is right or wrong, just a different approach for a different primary focus. It’s not all or nothing, but you do need to know what is of primary and secondary importance to you.
I can’t answer all those questions for you (look at me, I’m wrestling through this myself), but I do suggest you ask yourself and try to find the answers. Whatever it is you are scrambling towards, are you headed in the right direction? Do you know what your focus is? What is it you want from it?
