There are days (or weeks) like today that I don’t want to write. Or rather, I’d love to write but can’t figure out what to say. There are plenty of thoughts swirling around my head, recent failures I could admit to/learn from and random activities occurring, but it doesn’t seem like enough. Or maybe I don’t feel like enough.
It always starts out good. I run around for a few days, tackle the to-do list, write something I’m proud of, have great conversations with people and feel almost accomplished with life. Then I crash.
I want to be the person who can do it all. I want to have all the right things to say or write about, but I also want to be present where I’m at. I want to work hard but know how and when to rest. I want to push the limits but not get hurt. I want to have strong relationships with people but don’t want to be a people pleaser.
That nonstop, good-at-life thing doesn’t seem sustainable somehow, which feels like I must be doing something wrong. Failing is not fun. I’d love to tell you that I am able to always dust my shoulders off and keep shooting for the stars but that wouldn’t be true. Instead, I cry (literally) and kick myself (figuratively) as I try and fail (or fail to try) all over again.
This isn’t a pity party. There’s so much good in my life and in a matter of hours or days I’ll be right back to ticking off my never-ending to-do list. No, this is just the reality. I can’t be all the things to all the people or do all the things on all the lists. I have expectations of myself that can’t always be met and the only way to re-align them is to change the measurement stick and show some vulnerabilities.
Pingback: This Week's Three - Moving Peaces()