Author: Samantha Gratton

Prepared

Samantha Gratton

As we pack up, write to-do lists and make countless phone calls we keep readying ourselves for this move. We’ve each made smaller moves before, and I moved a bit more as a kid. I’ve read the blogs and we’ve talked plenty with other people that have moved. We’re ready, right?

Unlike most practical people, we’ve decided to participate in Ragbrai a week and a half before we move. Ragbrai is a week-long bike ride across the state of Iowa that occurs each year in July. Neither of us have ever ridden it before, so we committed to do a day or two together (prior to deciding to move). For months we’ve tried to get some miles in and work our way up and down hills. We’ve read blogs, talked to others who’ve done it and bought some supplies. We’re ready, right? 

What I’ve come to find is that whether or not we are ready cannot really be determined before we do it. We could try and compare to others and say, “if he can do it, so can I!” or “We’re in far better shape than they are!” But does it matter what they think or how we compare? Whether we’re ready or not, we’ll still have to actually do it. And guess what? I have a feeling my miles on the bike will help, but that it’s still going to be a challenge tomorrow. I’ll still feel the pain in my knees and sweat on my face. I’ll still be exhausted at the end of it all. And on mile 36, it doesn’t matter if I’m better off than someone else, because regardless, I’ll still have another 50 miles to go in the day. 

I think it will be the same with this move. We can try to prepare and talk to others. We can read up and be told we’ll be fine. But we’re still going to have to do it, and it’s still going to be hard. With it comes stress and pain and exhaustion. No matter how much we prepare, that can’t be avoided. And we’ll have to face it. We’ll have to get through each mile whether there is wind, rain, sun or bumps. We’re going to do this move and feel all of the elements against us. It might be fine in the end, but there’s no denying that it’s a real part of what we’re taking on. I think I want to embrace that and acknowledge that, as opposed to trying to overlook it. With this adventure comes a lot of challenges and risks. There’s no point in sugar-coating it. We’re going to do it though, and do it together as a team and be stronger in the end.

Motivation behind the Drive

Samantha Gratton

In recent weeks there has been much discussion about our vehicles. Far more than I wish was the case. Currently, they are both posted on Craigslist, but that only means so much. At first, the plan was to sell both cars and buy a newer and better one to share. A few hours after we left the hubby’s car in the driveway we got a call from the city saying 1. We couldn’t sell a car there if we weren’t the owner of the house and 2. We couldn’t park on the lawn (okay, it was two tires on the lawn, two tires on the driveway due to our garage sale earlier that day). It felt like we were already failing when we had just begun.

The grand idea was that regardless of what one car we’d take, we could have someone else drive it there. That didn’t pan out. It’s fine and no questions asked. So, we went with Plan B – tow it with the truck. Neither of us were thrilled about this idea but felt it’d be better to be together and we’d just hope for the best. All the while, we continued to look for the car we’d like to buy and take with us.

This week it’s all hit. The car we had made an offer on turned out to be not quite as reliable as we needed it to be in order to make an offer. That was a major letdown. Plan C – take my car and fix it up a little more to make sure we’d be set for awhile. We took it in for an oil change and there are a few things we’ll need to do to it which will all add up. But, that’s what owning a car is, right? Repairs.

Before I can get my head around the fact that we’ve just changed plans in such a short time, I get more news. We’ve been advised to not tow the car. Just drive the truck. Figure out the car thing when we get there.

I might melt right here and now into a little puddle of stress and tears. We wanted to only drive the truck in the first place. Of course that’s ideal. We’ve been looking and trying to find the right and affordable vehicle for the past two months and just came up short. So, we shouldn’t bank on finding a car when we get there, to a much smaller town and area, as if it will be a quick and easy endeavor. Finally, while this advice may be quite valid, it doesn’t seem to solve the problem but rather presents a new one. 

I think the hardest part about this idea is that so many things are going out the door – jobs, furniture, stability, money. Having a car was the one thing that separates us from 12-year-olds as we stuff everything we own into a basement. We are about to go live in someone else’s home while we look for jobs. How will we be able to look for jobs (in another city 3 hours away from where we plan to live) without a car? The thought makes me feel stuck and trapped in a town we’d never want to live in without a way out. Plus, there’s no denying that this is a significant change in our lives. Going from a small house of two adults to a busy house of six – two of whom are children. It’s a lot to take on even with healthy boundaries. The thought of being there without a car, I can’t do it. I need to be able to know I have that final freedom to drive away. Drive to get out of the house. Drive to look for a job. Drive to familiarize myself with the area. Drive to have a moment of alone time. Drive to be free. 

Oblivious

Samantha Gratton

“What you don’t know can’t hurt you.” But what if it should?

Ignorance is bliss, but are we really called to be ignorant people for the sake of bliss? I want to be happy just as much as the next person, but I don’t want it to come at the expense of authenticity. Being aware and understanding of the truth is a real part of life. It’s an important one – it allows us to feel and give empathy, and at times, take action. Don’t close your eyes to the world. Don’t take refuge in the suburbs, whether that be in the metaphorical or physical sense. Ask questions. Dig deeper. Oblivion is not an acceptable excuse. Oblivion only goes so far before it’s blatant.

The List

Samantha Gratton

Ever since we started talking seriously about moving, I’ve been considering “the list” – which of course consists of everything we need to do before we go. In order to do that, one must first define what it means to be from around here. What do I need to do here before going there? Which of these things declare my obvious residency and lack of tourist naivete? And then, do you do things you’ve done 100 times just one last time? Or do you do things you’ve never done but have heard you should do?

…

Over a month ago when I first drafted the above paragraph, I had high hopes of achieving the impossible. I wanted to live and breathe Des Moines, the state of Iowa and the entire Midwest as much as I could. While in theory it may be a good idea, it just can’t happen. Sure, I’ll try to see a few people in the next few weeks and use all of our Groupons, but we’ve got to start thinking about what’s ahead. There’s preparations to make, jobs to find and a house to pack. Not to mention, current jobs still to work and everyday life to live.

I think sometimes I try too hard to pack it all in. I’m constantly thinking that I’ve gotten better about overcoming my tendency to over-schedule. But I still find myself running around trying to do it all and pretending that in the end it will be worth it and we’ll be happier and better because of it. It’s the same trap every time. Instead, we wind up exhausted and annoyed about our commitments regardless how fun they may actually end up being. So, I think we will have to remember Iowa for the memories it’s already provided instead of the ones I was going to try and cram in during our final days. I can’t deny that our last week here is already packed full, but I will vow to try to reign in on the incidentals. These days aren’t about discovering Des Moines – they’re for spending time with established friends, packing and prepping to move and most importantly, being together through it all.

Garage Sale

Samantha Gratton

Tomorrow is the big day. Signs are made. Clothes are hung. Tables are arranged. Junk is ready to go out the door. I can’t decide if this was a good idea or a dumb waste of time. We’ll see just how much we can pull in from this effort. In my mind, I go back and forth between saying, “take it all away – free!” and “please, I need the money!”

Tell me this, is it tacky to have a jar out for tips and donations? Something along the lines of, “Take pity on us because we’re young and stupid and quit our jobs to move across the country. Put money here.”