Author: Samantha Gratton

At the Table

Samantha Gratton

A table can represent many things. Meals, bills, homework, art projects and board games all have a place here. There’s a lot of community that can happen around a table. When meals are shared, conversation often ensues. It’s a wondrous thing.

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This is our table. I’m sure you thought I’d never actually get around to showing the inside of our home but here’s a glimpse, kitchen and all.

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Food can sometimes make me feel like an outsider sadly. I’ve gone through bouts of serious sickness in the past and have mourned the loss of several food types. It’s easier than it was at first, but sometimes it’s still hard to keep going. While I haven’t been sick as often or intensely, I have to keep with it. Crazy food restrictions are still there. Sometimes I want to throw all caution to the wind and occasionally, I have. It ends in mixed results ranging from seemingly no change to an onslaught of sick.

At first, our meals with others seem to revolve around what I can and cannot eat. It’s a good story but by the end of the night it can be pretty exhausting to relive it all again and go through all the ins and outs of it. When just about every meal you share with someone involves you talking about all of the things you can’t eat, it can get overwhelming.

So, while I’d love to paint this beautiful picture of all the table can mean in community, it’s not the whole truth. It IS a wonderful setting for community and many meaningful things have happened there, but it’s also a hard and painful place for me. Food has caused so much stress and frustration, both as a result of eating it and of avoiding it. It can make me feel so disconnected from people, whether it’s because my meal will inevitably be different or maybe even because I have to physically leave in order to find something else to eat since nothing on the table will work. Yet at the same time, people have rallied around us and have been so kind and thoughtful as we’ve fought to figure this all out. There’s really been so much love and for that I am so grateful.

In the end, the table is a complicated place. Community and relationships are equally complicated. People have shortcomings and insecurities that cannot be as easily hidden in real relationships. Ultimately, it’s worth it to share in community and come to the table.

Quote: You Need People

Samantha Gratton

You’ll need coffee shops and sunsets and road trips. Airplanes and passports and new songs and old songs, but people more than anything else. You will need other people and you will need to be that other person to someone else, a living breathing screaming invitation to believe better things.

Jamie Tworkowski

Thursday Three

Samantha Gratton

This week has flown. All the things I wanted to do and all the things I needed to do managed to slip away from me. How does that happen? Oh well. I will say that I have enjoyed this month of blogging every day. It’s been a good habit to be in, although some days I’m not quite sure what to say and other days I completely surprise myself with what I do say. But here we go with the weekly three.

1. I have now seen all three Back to the Future movies. The hubby and a few friends were incredulous when they found this wasn’t the case previously. So they insisted on a mini-marathon and suddenly I found myself feeling like a guest a boys slumber party in my own house. Lessons learned: 1. By 2015 we’ll all be flying around on hover boards. 2. Movie marathons are no longer a one-night ordeal. Apparently grown-ups can’t do three movies in a row without one or more people dozing off.

2. Fall is my favorite season. I know, everyone says they love fall, but I really, really do. I loved it before I knew it meant fall fashion with boots and scarves and bonfires and pumpkin-flavored everything. But let’s be real, I love all of that, too. Pumpkin bars might be my latest weakness.

3. Last night we witnessed yet another one of music’s finest. We’ve been hitting up so many shows in the last month, I can’t help but talk about it. I promise I won’t always make it part of my three, but seriously, we keep seeing some downright amazing musicians come through town. The Wood Brothers were here and although the hubby is the one who actually knows their music, I couldn’t help but dance and sing along.

Don’t Quite Belong

Samantha Gratton

There are parts of my life that don’t seem to line up. Like, I’m not quite hip enough for all the shows I go to. Or don’t have kids hanging off my arms like most of the other women at church. Or I don’t look old enough to do the things I am capable of at work. Or maybe I’m not musical enough for what people expect in relation to my incredibly musically inclined husband.

It seems like I’m never quite what “they” wanted. Sometimes I want to shout in return saying, “I DON’T FIT IN HERE! I KNOW IT JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO!” Yes, I get it, thanks. Because trust me, I feel even more awkward about it than you do. It feels as if my life is hanging in the balances, tinkering on the edge of total discord and absurdity.

So maybe we don’t have the same amount of money, number of kids, personal beliefs, musical talents, magnitude of eye makeup, years of experience or extensive vocabulary. No matter where I turn, I don’t seem to be matching everyone else there in some major life area. As uncomfortable as that can sometimes (often) be, I think there’s something incredibly valuable in it, too. Because instead of continuing on our own little paths, we get to learn from each other and grow from each other. That can’t happen if we all look, talk, act and think the same way. So maybe it will take a little more effort to bridge the gap. Maybe we’ll have to take those differences in stride and assume the best of each other. But I’d much rather that than living a life removed from those who have different experiences and understandings than my own.

Me + You

Samantha Gratton

There is one relationship that I value above the rest. When we’re talking about humans, my relationship with my husband matters more (only God can trump it and I said humans here). That doesn’t mean I don’t care about what’s happening in the lives of others or can’t be friends with people. Quite the contrary, but when it comes down to priorities, he comes first. Over a job, over friends, over school, over hobbies, over other family even. Having a good relationship in my marriage is beyond important to me. So I will do things that might seem ridiculous to some if it protects my marriage—whether it’s setting aside extra time or saying no to a good thing sometimes. In a society that sometimes overvalues a career or “success” I choose my marriage.

I can’t say I always know best how to do so or have the perfect relationship. I wish this was the case, but we are imperfect people who have to live in love and a whole lot of grace. We have misunderstandings and disagreements. Well-intentioned statements go awry or maybe even less than well-intentioned words slip. Gosh some days it’s tough to figure out what the heck we should do in certain situations. Some days it’s the most wonderful carefree thing in the world. Regardless, we made a commitment to each other to stick together. Nothing is allowed to mess with that. I will guard and protect this relationship with all that I’ve got. Because this relationship matters the most to me. Plus, the better we are, the better our other relationships will likely be, too. So if I ever seem to talk to much about him or us, this is why. He’s my guy.

Neighbor, neighbor

Samantha Gratton

As much as I love my faraway friends (and I really truly do), neighbors matter. They are the people you see from day to day. The ones who hear your music and make your mouth water when they fire up the grill. We were lucky enough to move to a neighborhood where some of our friends already lived, but I’ve been thrilled to also meet the people nearby and on our street.

I’m a bit biased, but I already love our neighborhood. We live a mile from downtown in an area that might have once been less than desirable to live in. It’s an intentional rental community with apartments, townhomes and houses. Senior living, income-reduced, young adults, families—they’re all here in this neighborhood. There’s a college on one end, a mix of restaurants and a hardware store within walking distance and the new restaurant across the street from us. But mostly, I’ve loved getting to know the people who care about each other and about living here. It’s great to have the opportunity to hear about their lives, see their space and have someone say hello as you go to get the mail. Living in a community is an incredible thing.

Good Friends

Samantha Gratton

Short and sweet tonight – I am quite grateful for friends, even those in far away places. Some days I can still feel distant and misplaced here. Certainly not all of the days, and we do truly feel that this is home. But every once in a while you hear from a friend who’s known you for so many years that you don’t even have to think about what you’re saying. They’ve heard the good and bad, silly and strange. Even on days when I don’t know quite where I fit or what my purpose always is, I’m so glad for the friendships that allow me to just be myself.