Redefine Success and Face Reality

Redefine Success and Face Reality

Journaling | Moving Peaces

When you say you are a writer, people have certain expectations.

They want you to say something special. It’s as if there is some fancy dictionary only writers know about to effortlessly add sophisticated words into sentences. It doesn’t matter if you are writing a novel or your grocery list–plain words are never enough. Clever words and fantastic analogies are expected of writers, regardless of the subject matter.

It all sounds dreamy…I must sit around in coffee shops and have a special soundtrack for my thinking and writing. Maybe an old typewriter is involved or a fountain pen adorns my desk. In my free time perhaps I sit around on comfy sofas reading the latest piece of worthwhile literature while wearing trendy glasses and cardigans.

But the reality is, I sit on the couch and type whatever first comes to mind and then I edit it for hours or even days. The room is usually dark and sometimes quiet. Half the time I forget that I wear glasses or am too lazy to go find them, so I sit and stare at the screen with the slightest bit of strain behind my eyes. I don’t own a typewriter or a fountain pen, but scribble in my notebook with a pencil like a middle schooler. I don’t use extraordinary words or require my readers to have an extensive vocabulary to understand me. I believe the best writing is the simplest.

There is a certain glamour to life in our heads. Whether movies or ignorant comments established such a scene, we sometimes feel the need to meet the standards of what “life as a…[fill in the blank]” looks like. That expectation then decides what success looks like. It’s in that exact moment that we back down and feel inadequate. Because our reality does not look like the expectation, we start to feel overwhelmed and incapable. Then guess what? We give up. We walk away. We say it’s too hard or that it’s never going to happen.

Real success happens when we redefine our expectations and then meet or exceed them. Instead of subscribing to conventional ideas, construct your own measurement for success. Create attainable goals and describe what that looks like daily–starting now.

You will never be able to live up to the hype or expectation of someone else. That doesn’t have to sound hopeless though. You have the freedom to look at your life and say, “This is what I want it to look like, and that is what I am working towards.”

You might still feel overwhelmed or like you are chasing a pipe dream. You might even try and fail. Don’t give in to the lies, distractions or comparisons; just focus on what you can do and press forward. If you really want to pursue that redefined success mark, do so wholeheartedly.  Not only are your dreams more achievable, but you then get to celebrate and claim the small victories along the way.

 

Thursday Three

Thursday Three

What a week. One of these days I’ll get around to telling all of the crazy ups and downs and twists and turns, but for now, let’s just focus on all my favorite things.

1. Summer fun. That just about sums it up when I say we were spectators at a soapbox derby last weekend. Other words to describe it: ridiculous, crazy, awesome and bizarre.

Kirby Derby | Moving Peaces

Soapbox Derby | Moving Peaces

2. Celebrations with friends. I’ve got some great people in my life, and I was so thrilled that a few of them joined me in celebrating another year at my favorite neighborhood restaurant. This doesn’t even cover everyone who came or everyone who I consider great in my life. 

Station Crew | Moving Peaces

3. Birthday surprises. Yep, I’m slightly older and had a birthday. I did some writing and ate pizza, but otherwise didn’t expect much else after that gathering with friends earlier in the week. Turns out I was wrong, and there was a bit more sweetness in store from this little friend of mine.

Birthday Cake | Moving Peaces

Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me

25 plus 1 | Moving Peaces

It’s my birthday, and I have mixed feelings about it. This cake is even confused and makes you do math: 25 + 1.

Last year, I wrote all about the milestone birthday that was 25. I listed all my contradictions and everything I knew to be true in that moment. I felt like a mess at the time but looking back at that post again, it is beautifully written and full of hope.

This past year has been so incredibly full. It was full of incredible high points and deep lows. In so many ways, last year was everything I could have dreamed of…just no where near the way I saw it happening. For starters, it was really hard. I cried a lot, felt ripped apart the majority of the time and was stripped of my confidence over and over again. I felt like I had something to prove–that one day I might be able to present all my accomplishments to the world and therefore justify the struggle.

To the outside world, I look like I am in the same exact place that I was a year ago. I have nothing to show you, no ribbons or trophies to wave in your face. I did not grow an inch, nor did I graduate to the next grade or life stage. I am still here, floundering about in my twenties.

But if that is all you can see in someone, then you aren’t getting it. Further, if that’s all I can see, then maybe I really need to reevaluate, too. 

There was a lot of life lived in the last year (and in the years prior). I loved with all my heart, pursued my dreams and left my comfort zone. I asked hard questions and stuck up for myself when appropriate. You could even say that I failed, but I did so while fully persevering–committed to learning and growing in the process. I opened my home to strangers and sought community with those around me. I let go of the pursuit of perfection but instead embraced my strengths and weaknesses.

Through all that, I still thought by now that I’d have something tangible to show you. Then I could say, “Look, I did all this. I’ve finally made it. I know what I’m doing now.” But the biggest and best parts of life are lived in intangibles. It’s your integrity and character, your hope and faith, relationships and love that are your biggest achievements. 

I can’t give you many metrics or tout any awards, but I know with certainty that all of those areas in my life have been developed and strengthened in this past year. For that, I could not be more thankful or feel more accomplished.

Thursday Three

Thursday Three

Oh, what a week it has been. It’s been one of those weeks when it feels like the sky is falling, but then you look around and realize you have a lot of really awesome people in your life to help you through it. This week has been hard and good all at once. Crazy, right?

1. Don’t give up. Don’t give up on your dreams. Don’t give up on your budget (especially not when car shopping). Don’t give up on the people in your life. Don’t give up on yourself.

2. Have fun. Should be a no-brainer, right? Sometimes I forget to have fun and just stress instead. This week’s fun consisted of a nerf gun war, lots of baby monkey sing-alongs and dancing in the rain (literally, because I am that fun–just ask the neighbors).

3. Choose your adventure. While a bit cheesy sounding (and also the name of a book series and at one point the marketing slogan at my alma mater), it carries some truth. The situations and the choices you are presented may not always be what you want, but you probably do have a choice in how to respond and in determining what you value most. Our couchsurfers this weekend were at the beginning of a road trip across the country to discover their next location and occupations. It’s always good to remember that you have more than one option on how to live this life, so choose what you want it to be about.

NY Couchsurfers | Moving Peaces

This Little Thing Called Encouragement

Looking Up | Moving Peaces

Do you know just how far a bit of encouragement can go?

I’ve been heavily surrounded by artists, musicians, designers and writers for the better part of the last decade. So many of them are constantly going up against the grind as they better their craft and pursue their passions. Some try to make it pay the bills while others dedicate countless hours burning the midnight oil. Success in a world like this is fleeting and even sometimes impossible to fulfill. So few get their names in lights, but so many pour their hearts out.

Over time, sadly, many give up. They don’t realize the impact. It’s not just about making money in this sort of community, it’s about making something that matters.

But how will they know it matters unless we tell them?

Seriously. If you know someone who makes or does amazing things, they need to know. So, say so. It might be just enough to keep them going.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not interested in the world of “everyone gets a medal” or enabling a life of negligence to responsibilities.

No, empty praise is sometimes worse than no praise at all. Further, a loss of accountability for rock stars, local celebrities or “talented people” is downright heartbreaking. Just because someone is good at their craft, does not mean we should over-glorify that aspect of their life while ignoring real issues.

But real encouragement, the kind that sees through the struggle and the hardship and promises support, is invaluable. Sharing the impact you’ve experienced or felt means more than you know. It’s worth more than a paycheck and carries more weight than any metric.

This goes beyond art. It’s your colleague or your mom or even your friend who just had a baby. You see their struggle but also their strengths. If you benefit from their wisdom and their quiet leadership, say so.

Sometimes it feels silly to send that message or make the bold statement telling someone how their work, their art or their service has impacted you. Perhaps they’ll blush or shrug it off, but what you don’t see is the rest of their day–the surprised phone call they make to a friend or family member saying how flattered they were or the encouragement they turn around and give to their influencer or neighbor.

It pays in dividends that you’ll never see or know, but it’s what we all need.

Thursday Three

Thursday Three

It’s been real hot out there this week. (They say it’s always good to start any piece of writing with a definition from the dictionary, a famous quote some small talk about the weather.) But for real, this week has been in the high 90s around here, and I believe it even crossed over into triple digits a few times. Obviously, that means it’s the perfect time to…

1. Attend outdoor concerts. We were the lucky folks who managed to squeeze in two amazing concerts in the same week. Mumford and Sons and Brandi Carlile both played outstanding shows that made us come home feeling inspired and ready to work on music of our own.

Mumford and Sons | Moving Peaces

Brandi | Moving Peaces

2. Help friends move. I mean, I would have picked last week or maybe sometime in October if given the option, but glad to help regardless of the weather. I love having the opportunity to show up and support my friends, even if sadly, I won’t get to see them for awhile now. Transitions like these bring great opportunity for growth though, and I am really excited for whatever is next in their lives.

3. Replace your car. Please, just go now. That way, you can avoid the unfortunate situation that we are in. Our dear, 20-year-old Honda broke down on the highway (you guessed it, in the middle of one of those wicked hot days), so we sold it to the mechanic for a whopping $300. It’s been a bit of a rough week with one car while trying to find another one that fits our criteria (not because we’re fancy people, but because we are incredibly practical people).

Sad Honda | Moving Peaces

 

On a completely serious (and unrelated) note, I want to say that today, my heart is heavy. There are a lot of terrible things in the world and the shooting in Charleston, SC, is certainly among them. I don’t have all the words to say, other than to please pray for that community and continue to love your neighbors. 

Trip Log: Des Moines to Raleigh

Trip Log: Des Moines to Raleigh

Due to popular demand, I am telling you all about my solo road trip halfway across the country and back. This is the third part, starting at mile 1,681.5 because yes, I kept track of all my major stops. If you want to catch up on the miles before now, here’s your chance: Miles 1 through 465.9 and Miles 466 through 1,440.4. Otherwise, let’s get back on the road!

1,681.5 miles Des Moines, IA: I arrived to the place I called home for several years and the clock started ticking. We’ve taken a few trips back in the past, and it always feels like a race to see all the people we love in the amount of time we have (oh yeah, and I kept working during the day on this trip). So, I saw a LOT of people and was so glad to do so.

Mason City, IA: I arrived in the area and then promptly headed a few hours north. I don’t have the miles because this time I got to ride instead of drive to my next stop. A few friends were headed to Minneapolis, MN and I caught a ride to Mason City, IA, which was on the way there. This is where the real surprise was planned.

There’s a reason I didn’t post much about this trip until after it happened. My mom has NO idea I was coming. I thought maybe this trip would line up with Mother’s Day, but when it didn’t I decided not to tell her anyway. There was a part of me that wanted to record the moment, but then I decided to experience it instead. Her jaw dropped as soon as she saw me and this is her trying and failing to reenact the expression. Just know that it was worth it. After the surprise had subsided, she showed me all around her new town as I had never been there before.

Surprised Mom | Moving Peaces

Music Man Square | Moving Peaces

Me & Mom | Moving Peaces

Ames, IA: On the way back to Des Moines, my mom and I swung through Ames to visit my alma mater. It’s funny, when I was in high school, I refused to even visit a college in Iowa because I was so bent on moving, which is why my first year was spent at Missouri State before I transferred to Iowa State. Now I am so grateful for my experiences at Iowa State and proud to be a Cylcone, even from afar.

ISU | Moving Peaces

Des Moines, IA: Are you ready for a whole bunch of pictures of people I love and far less description of how my week went? Good, because that’s about to happen. In summary, I spent the week working during the day like a normal person and then using the rest of the time to catch up with great friends over lunch, coffee, dinner and dessert. I stayed with friends who are new homeowners, held tiny babies, checked out the new building of my old workplace and celebrated the next season in life my friends are entering in to. Des Moines was beautiful all week and I kept feeling like a tourist who wanted to capture all that is great about that place. Somehow, there are several more people I got to see and spend time with but didn’t get a photo with this time.

Michelle | Moving Peaces

Emily | Moving Peaces

Jen | Moving Peaces

P. Family | Moving Peaces

Carrie | Moving Peaces

1,817.1 – 2,467.4 miles Clarksville, TN: In one day, I traveled 650 miles by car as I went from Des Moines to Tennessee. While originally planned as a two-day trek, this is another one of those plans that just changed and probably for the best. Luckily for me, it went incredibly quick as I had a co-pilot to keep me company all day. When Nancy and I realized we were thinking of going back to Iowa around the same time, we coordinated our trips so that we could do part of the journey together. She is another friend about to enter into a new stage of life as she was 30 weeks pregnant at the time, and I am so excited for her and her husband to be parents.

Nancy | Moving Peaces

2,516.3 miles Nashville, TN: I got on the road thinking I might simply wave hello to Nashville and be on my merry way. Originally, this was to be a stop-and-stay-with-a-friend location, but when you’re on a road trip you’ve got to be flexible and ready to shift plans around. Once I arrived, I realized how much I still wanted a chance to stay for awhile. So, I did. One might think it was for reflection on this trip before returning home and in a way it was, but the reality was that I finally finished journaling about our trip to Argentina earlier this year. It gave me the chance though to let some of my thoughts flow from pen to paper and was just the rest I needed before driving the remaining 450 miles back home. I’d just spent time with a lot of people, heard a lot of truths and challenges and traveled almost nonstop for a few weeks and had a lot to process, so I was grateful for those last few hours driving through the mountains alone on my final stretch of the journey.

Journaling | Moving Peaces

Nashville | Moving Peaces

Mountain Driving | Moving Peaces

Sunset Driving | Moving Peaces

3,066.3 miles Raleigh, NC: Home at last.

Trip Log: Birmingham to Kansas City

Trip Log: Birmingham to Kansas City

I’m telling tales about my solo road trip last month, which took me from Raleigh, NC to Des Moines, IA and back. Clearly, this is in the middle of those two places, so feel free to start reading about the first leg of the journey if you haven’t already.

638.0 miles Birmingham, AL: After a few hours of travel, I was thrilled to stop for coffee with the ever-so sweet, Jamie Golden. A friend introduced us on twitter, so when I realized my travels would take me through Birmingham, I was feeling bold and thought I’d reach out. Jamie is a podcaster, cake pop maker and simply all-around fantastic person. We talked for a few hours and laughed like we had been friends for years. We told stories, she shared some wisdom and told me about a podcast I had to hear. Our conversation carried me through the rest of the day as I drove through big rainstorms, flash flood warnings and parts of Mississippi.

New Friend - Jamie Golden | Moving Peaces

879.8 miles Memphis, TN: You heard me set the scene there, right? “It was a dark and stormy night…” and then I arrived in Memphis. Well, okay. So I didn’t have the best set-up for my destination, which just isn’t fair to this fine city. On the trip, this was the part I was most on edge about beforehand and ended up being my least favorite. I did stay with a couchsurfer, who just wasn’t quite how I had hoped or expected based on her profile. But when it’s late at night in an unknown place, you roll with the punches and decide that you can make it through the night, so I did. The next morning I woke up bright and early, determined to work in a few places that would change my outlook. Thankfully, a blogger sent me some good recommendations of local coffee shops which helped a lot. I think Memphis likely has a lot of awesome things going on, but I didn’t get the chance to experience them this time. At the end of the day, I decided to keep on with my trip and embrace the next place, but I truly believe many will visit or live in Memphis and love it.

Coffee Shop in Memphis | Moving Peaces

Memphis Mural | Moving Peaces

1,037.9 miles Little Rock, AR: I had no idea what Little Rock would be like. I knew it was a city in a state that has some natural beauty and lakes in it, but didn’t know much else. This was my final stay with couchsurfers on the journey, and they were as kind as can be. Immediately upon my arrival they greeted me along with all their friends before we headed downtown to eat some fried catfish. They really tried to convince me that not all of Arkansas was about fishing, but they sure did talk about it a lot. The whole group seemed to love being outdoors, whether that meant hiking or kayaking or exploring. Unfortunately, I had arrived too late to join in for any of those activities, but I so appreciated being a part of their group of friends for just an evening as we walked along the Big Dam Bridge downtown after dinner.

Big Dam Bridge | Moving Peaces

Michael & Mary | Moving Peaces

1,257.4 miles Bentonville, AR: This is the point in the journey where I felt like I had arrived. Hardly my final destination, but this is where I would stay for a few days with my dear friend, Angela. Do you ever have friends you can talk to for hours and then still want to call them again tomorrow? This is that kind of friendship. We’ve been friends for over a decade and to this day, she’s one of my closest friends. The funny thing is, we haven’t lived in the same place for more than half of that time and hadn’t seen each other in over a year. It was so good to see where she lived and get a better feel for what her life looked like (not just how it sounded over the phone). We both worked during the day and then at night we would explore the town and a few museums. Bentonville is a small town, but it’s also the home and birthplace of Walmart, which makes for an interesting mix of bigger city culture with a small town size. We walked through Crystal Bridges, ate dinner at her favorite restaurant, browsed some antique shops, visited her workplace and toured the propaganda Walmart museum, where I proceeded to eat the tiniest ice cream cone that has ever existed.

Angela | Moving Peaces

Tiny Ice Cream Cone | Moving Peaces

1,440.4 miles Kansas City, MO: Okay, this is where the trip took a bit of a twist. Kansas City was a planned stop… and then it wasn’t… and then it was one anyway. Angela and I originally talked about visiting the area together and finally decided to go together for just the day but in separate cars. About a half hour into the trip, she called saying her car needed repair, a bit unexpectedly (it’s a long story), and she had to turn back but to keep going without her. At that point I figured I would just drive straight to Des Moines since I didn’t really have any real plans in KC and had been there before. Then I saw a sign for the Kansas City Zoo in one mile and on a whim took the exit. You see, my freshman year of college I actually went to a college in Missouri and still had a few friends in the area, one of whom happened to work at the zoo, which I knew thanks to social media. So I showed up at the zoo asking for Janna and was sent in towards the new orangutan exhibit to find her. Knowing I lived in North Carolina, she was quite surprised to see me for the first time in over five years. This was not the KC visit I planned, but it was the best kind of detour.

Janna | Moving Peaces

 

And then I kept driving. More to come.

Trip Log: Raleigh to Atlanta

Trip Log: Raleigh to Atlanta

In May I had the opportunity to drive halfway across the country and back on a solo road trip. Over the course of more than 3,000 miles in 17 days, I saw and did quite a bit. It’s hard to sum it all up. In some ways I am still processing that it happened, because my life has pretty much gone back to normal since then. No one piece of the trip was especially amazing or impressive in itself, but the fact that it all happened amounted to something. There were little moments and stories that may never be retold or remembered, but it was a trip that I’m glad I took.

For those of you who want to road trip vicariously, you’re in luck. Below you will find a true and accurate account of the places I went and the people I saw. What I cannot share is the subtle moments of impact or the absurd amount of ice cream I ate (sorry).

176.8 miles Charlotte, NC: An early morning start was well worth it after attending the Creative Women’s Summit, where I found myself overwhelmingly inspired by each speaker. A few others had traveled to get there, but this was the start of a journey for me, and I wanted to soak up every moment, despite not knowing a single person there. The girl sitting next to me was on a continuous journey herself as the traveling wife of a caddy. She had an hour before dashing back to Florida, so we shared a quick lunch and meaningful conversation. I don’t know that our paths will ever cross again, but we became friends right there, totally unexpectedly.

Lisa | Moving Peaces

Believe it or not, this was a working trip. So throughout the trip, I worked during the day like I would back at home. I may or may not mention it as a part of my journey but that was a big part of my trip and how I was able to have the time to do it. Just imagine me working here, because I did. 

I don’t know much about Charlotte, but do I know two households of wonderful people who call that place home. Erin was a good friend of mine in Des Moines who recently moved to the Queen City, so we spent hours catching up over dinner and dessert in the ever-so trendy arts district, NoDa.

Erin | Moving Peaces

Then there’s the home I stayed in, a place that has become our Charlotte home base of sorts, especially for trips to the airport or Ikea. But this is so much more than a place to sleep–the family is dear to us and also started a friendship formed in Des Moines. Julie is an ever gracious host whom I respect and admire. Julie sent me on my way with encouragement, laughter and tightly-squeezed hugs.

Julie | Moving Peaces

314.8 Greenville, SC: All the love and friendship found in Charlotte gave me enough moxie keep on with the road trip. I arrived after dark on a Friday night to stay with couchsurfers for the first time as a surfer instead of a host. They greeted me with open arms, and I found myself soon at a bonfire of close friends and felt right at home. The next morning, the husband set out for another trip while his wife and daughter showed we around downtown Greenville. We walked through the farmer’s market and the beautiful Falls Park right in the middle of town while sharing about each other’s lives before I moved on to my next stop.

Farmers Market | Moving Peaces

Falls Park | Moving Peaces

Raquel | Moving Peaces

465.9 miles Atlanta, GA: There’s a lot happening in Atlanta, so I didn’t even begin to see it all in my short time there. I was taken by just how big the skyline was (I realize that makes me sound like a simple, small-town girl, but it’s true). Again, I stayed with couchsurfers (this time literally on a couch in the living room, whereas in Greenville I had a guest room) who welcomed me into their lives for the day. Both pursuing work in the film business, I learned a lot about the industry and what it meant to go after such a dream, the drive it took and the sacrifices it required, while we walked around exploring the area. I ended my time in Atlanta visiting Louie Giglio’s church on Sunday morning before heading on my way, with plenty of audiobooks and wandering thoughts to keep me company.

Zak & Erin | Moving Peaces

Bridge Art | Moving Peaces

There’s a lot more trip to recount. I’ll be adding part 2 tomorrow, promise.

Thursday Three

Hey there, Thursday. Looks like you came and went without even giving me the chance to blog. So, hello midnight oil (or blue computer glow, whichever) and early morning Friday. I’m still only going to give you the typical three (no Friday Fives in this house), because I’m lazy tired.

1. Beach days are beneficial. We squeezed in a quick trip in to the beach this past weekend, and it paid in dividends of waves and sunshine. Thankfully, it’s only 2.5 hours away, we have good friends who welcome us into their home and we both absolutely love the ocean. Something about sitting out all day with only the sound of the waves, the sand under your feet and a small beach bag of essentials to get you through the day–it leaves room for the big conversations and a clear head. Plus there’s always the bonus salt water in your eyes, nose and mouth…what’s not to love?

Beach Day

2. Tell the people in your life what they mean to you. I’m not going to say it’s your last chance because this isn’t some sort of fear tactic. Tell them because they need encouragement and appreciation, and you are the perfect person to give it to them. Tell them because you want them to know.

3. Growing a garden takes work. But you knew that right? You have to water the plants, make sure they get enough sun and prune the branches until it grows the way it’s supposed to. Growing as a person takes work, too. You’re going to have super hot and miserable days, intense rain and some serious pruning. Expect it. So often I look around and ask why it is I am struggling with whatever thing is hard in my life at the time. But instead, I need to remember the pruning and energy that is taking place as I grow and develop and hopefully, one day, produce some sort of fruit.

Backyard Garden | Moving Peaces