That basically sums it up. Over a quick weekend out-of-town, I think it sunk in for me. We’re doing alright. We are. We really are. And past that, we’re growing and learning and healing and developing. Some of the past few days, and even weeks, have been rough. Some of them have been as easy as can be. Sometimes we stress over the future and what it holds. Sometimes dwell too much on the past. There are good and bad things on either side of the present, but all in all, we’re doing just fine. This move has been good for us. Good for our marriage, good for our perseverance, good for our faith and good for our lives. I’ve thought it and mentioned it in passing. Now it’s time to say it out loud—we’re doing alright.
Author: Samantha Gratton
The Biggest Thing to Happen Since the iPhone
Tonight was our first official potential friend date. I haven’t exactly been secretive about the fact that I am on the hunt for new (best) friends. So much so, that I asked myself out on a friend date with someone from work and his wife. Once we were halfway through dinner and things seemed to be going well, we admitted to the milestone – first couple friend date. In return, they asked us if we needed to take a picture to mark the moment or if we were that desperate. Fair enough. The answer? Heck yes.
They’ve lived in the area for a few years; he has actually lived here even longer, having gone to school around here. Although they teased us for going to desperate measures, they also said they had no couple friends. The worst part is, I know they aren’t the only ones. I’m not sure if it’s the nature of twentysomethings or our over dependance on all things technology and social media, but I will say that I am adamantly opposed to being friendless. Having hundreds of social media “friends” or a few people you run in to randomly at a bar just does not cut it. I want to shout it from the rooftops – WE ALL NEED FRIENDS! It’s okay to admit to that! Just don’t quit trying to find, make and keep friends.
Because you know what? As charming as the cast of Modern Family may be, they aren’t going to be able to talk you through a bad day. Your Google calendar will not remember your favorite type of dessert. Instagram will not understand your expression and interact with you. Facebook is never going to ask what your goals, dreams and hopes are in life. Don’t give up! Don’t give in to these modern conveniences! People need friends (I know, I’m one of them). People who are established, people who are new, people who are friendly, people who are rude—they all need real-live human interaction with people who love and care for them. Seek it out. Be intentional. Find those relationships and invest in them like crazy.
Those Days
Today was one of those days. Those days when you can’t seem to get out of bed or figure out what to wear. You hair isn’t cooperating, and the only way you could fit in breakfast was by eating yogurt during the car ride to work. Then you get some coffee and hope it all turns around. I had a rare “early out” at work today due to a very late night of work last night, meaning I was ready to hit the road by 3 p.m. and check off my list of to-dos including a long overdue trip to the bank and scoping out a new gym.
About three blocks from work I found myself instead stalled in the middle of a busy street as my apartment “relocation specialist” continued to make sure I couldn’t feel any more unwelcome over the phone. I attempted to restart the car to no avail. Hazards went on, a frantic voicemail to the hubby was left and a long call with AAA began as cars drove around my sad little car. Even if I could push a car by myself, who would steer? I was in the middle of three-lane traffic in an area I hardly knew. Eventually though, someone went and parked at the nearby grocery store to come back and push me down the road, all the while flagging traffic. I am so grateful for that stranger.
An hour later, the tow truck showed up and lo and behold – same guy as last time. Considering it had been so recent since I last saw him with the same problem (albeit, in far less perilous of a location) I could ask about how his new daytime shift was going, hear his anger about the replacement refs and tell him about my lackluster visit at the previous shop. The repair shop that a month ago said nothing was wrong with the car after it was towed there and spent two days being “worked on.” Sigh. He towed me to a new place and actually walked in to talk to the owner to explain the problem with the car he’d become so well acquainted with.
As I hurriedly biked to the bank to accomplish something today, I passed a few kids walking to the park. They shouted “Hello!” and I couldn’t help but smile and say hello right back. I thought about how kids have it so easy. How they don’t have the stressors of life bogging them down… but they think they do. They have struggles at school and clinging to their favorite toy at all times might make or break their happiness. To us though, those issues are so little in the large scheme of things. And really, aren’t mine too? I am quite alright. I may not have the greatest car or own a house or be making much money, but my life is good. Being stalled in the middle of a busy road caused some stress and sweat, but I had help from a stranger. The bank lobby closed before I managed to arrive, but I got to enjoy a fine moment of awkwardness at the drive-thru window on my bike. Even though it wasn’t at a gym, I got a workout in today. So chalk it up to one of “those days” but I’m okay because I am sure to experience new mercies every morning.
Call Me Maeby
I think in a recent post I made it fairly clear that we don’t quite have friends yet. It’s true. We’re friendless. But, we’re doing what we can to be a part of this new community of ours and finding more and more how much we’re going to love it (especially when we get friends). Seriously, this place is great. We keep having moments where we look around and say, “Wow, we live here!” Don’t get me wrong, Des Moines was (and is) great, too. There’s just something special about discovering a place for the first time.
In effort to both see the place and meet people, we had a fairly busy weekend. This includes all of the essentials: an outdoor show, hiking, an indoor show, a local coffee shop, a couple of churches, a guitar & amp show and a delicious brunch spot. Our general thought process being – why not? We don’t have much to lose or much else in our schedule. Everything we’ve visited has been pretty cool, but I must admit, is not quite as fun without friends. I’m enjoying going to the grocery store without running into someone I know, but going to a coffee shop where everyone feels like a family makes me miss our favorite coffee shop in Des Moines. Going to an outdoor show is almost lonely when you keep seeing people who look “exactly” like someone you used to know. Church isn’t the same without having lunch with friends afterwards, and it’ll come as no surprise that the hubby would have likely preferred someone more musically inclined than myself at the guitar & amp show. But, at least we’ve got each other.
Today, the unexpected happened—I got some digits. We told our waitress at said brunch spot that we had recently moved. Honestly, we’ve been telling everyone from the clerk at the grocery store to the guy passing out flyers on the street in hopes that someone will decide to adopt us into their group of friends. This was no different. We said we didn’t know what to order because we just moved here and there it was. Our story was told. “We just went for it… No jobs…We have jobs now… We love it here.” When she left us the check, she also passed me her number. SUCCESS!
Now I’m debating proper friend date etiquette. Call? Text? Wait a week? Wait a day? Coffee? Lunch? Oh, it’s all so new, but I am totally thrilled to have a friend prospect.
Quote: Possessions
It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly.
Thoreau
Who are you?
But more importantly, who are you to me?
Sometimes, it feels this way. After you move and the dust starts to settle on your finally assembled dining room table and recently hung wall decor, what’s left? We moved. We found jobs. We found a place to live. We found the nearest Target. Stocked the fridge. Took a mini-vacay to the ocean. Hiked the mountains. Let everyone know we made it. We’re “living the life” – I guess.
Now comes the hardest part yet. Finding people.
Last night we went to an open mic and sadly realized we won’t be seeing any of our usual Des Moines music scene people. Not only that, but we won’t see any people we know or recognize. We have no “people” here. Frankly, that can be quite the hurdle to overcome.
Proving yourself. But not talking yourself up. Being eager and friendly. Not creeping anyone out. Taking chances. Playing it safe. Being excited to be here. Being chill and easy going. Taking things seriously. Joking around. Joining the crowd. Standing out.
What!?
Who is it that you want me to be? I’m exhausted just trying to keep up. It’s hard to always be “on” with people. It’s a struggle to know what part of “me” to be around people. I want to be just me, but sometimes it seems that “me” is pretty worthless without a deeper meaning and/or connection to “them”. What can I offer? Who do I know? What do we have in common? Well, in answer to all of those questions – not much.
So this is that hard part we all saw coming. Can’t do much but ride it out.
Quote: Best Friend
[Tom] Rath’s research found that while only 30 percent of employees report having a best friend at work, most people would opt for an office bestie over a 10 percent raise. And the lucky employees who do have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged in their jobs.
MWF seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche
Photo: First Day
First day of work!
Song: God is Not A White Man
“God is Love and He loves everyone”
God is Not a White Man by Gungor
I think this song/video sums it up pretty well. It doesn’t say everything, of course, but it’s the first thing you need to know. We’ve been “church shopping” the past few weeks in North Carolina and what I want most is a church that starts here. Starts with God and Love and then gets into everything else. Because it’s really the bottom line. God so loved you. Love your God. Love your neighbor. LOVE.
Less is More
There are things I want. And sometimes I want them now. Or at least, I think I want them now.
I could blame it on our culture and say the world has convinced us that instant gratification is the way to go, the way to be. But really, my own selfish desires get in the way as I think I can get my way now, just because I want to.
We don’t know what the future holds, and we can’t and we won’t. We can dream. We can hope. We can try to prepare. But it might still mean an entirely different life than we first imagined. All of that’s okay, but we’re going to have to wait it out.
With that waiting, must come discipline. I’m talking particularly about our finances. A little less than a year ago, we kissed debt goodbye and were able to save, allowing us the possibility to make this move across the country. While in the past few months our budget has been all over the place, we are going to buckle down now and save whatever we can. I can’t say that I totally love it, but I think it will be worth it…not now, but later. To me, it feels like we’ve already been living the life of a frugal young couple. In some ways, we have, but it’s time to make some serious sacrifices.
This means living with less. Less trips to the grocery store just to grab some ice cream or a chocolate bar. Less impulse buys at H&M. Less eating out. Less scouring craigslist “just because.” Less Groupon purchases. Less “needs” at Target. Less waste. Less chasing after empty promises of a better image or “success.”
It also means more. Living with more intention. More meal planning. More trips to Goodwill, Aldi and the dollar store. More research on our purchases. More thought about what’s at stake down the road in lieu of another $20 item at Target. More working together to meet our goals. More creativity. More opportunities to give. More opportunities to live.