Growing Up

I’m not sure when you get to start calling yourself a grown-up. Is it after you hit a certain age or buy your first car? When you pay taxes or eat vegetables all on your own? What is it that classifies you as such?

The hubby and I were writing a song together recently about someone stuck in the Badlands and it made me stop to consider. The intensity and beauty and death in that land is unmistakeable. The summer before 5th grade, my family took a road trip through South Dakota and that trip has had a lasting impacts on me for whatever reason. The desolate wasteland, the beauty of the rock formations and massive bison roaming a land where battles were fought and forgotten lives lay buried.

Maybe being a grown-up means you realize when you are in the Badlands. When you survey the land and find it dead, with little prospects for growth. You look left and right only to find you’ve brought others with you to a dark and desolate place. You can’t continue on pretending you are surrounded by life and lush vegetation. You have a thirst for truth and seek it. When you say, there’s more to life than this waste and ruin I’ve grown accustomed to, and will do whatever it takes to flee from it. Even if it means asking for help and admitting failure.

That, to me, is a grown-up.

Ready for Takeoff

Sometimes being ready for adventure means ready to go, ready to leave. We can prep and get excited and begin that transition into a new change. It means new adventures, new possibilities and a new place to land.

But what about the adventure in staying? Seeing it through? What if there’s still more adventure left, right where you are? What if by leaving you’re giving up the biggest adventure of all?

Although perhaps not as glamorous, I’m trying to understand what that might look like. For so long I’ve been waiting to go and now I’m here. I love the change and the challenge going can bring. Yet it’s harder to grasp the depth of those challenges without seeing them through. Because if you’re always chasing something else, you’re never really able to experience the now.

No, I Never Get Enough

I fight sleep each night. Something in me says there’s still some life to live and it’s not going to happen when I’m sleeping. My brain keeps going while my eyes begin to squint. I want to do that one more thing or figure out my life’s plan or whatever.

Each morning I hate myself for fighting the sleep. All I feel like fighting is my alarm… as well as all of society for making me wake up before I’m was ready. I vow to go to bed earlier that night and slap my hands a few times before swinging my feet out of bed.

Is there a point in this all? Maybe. It just makes me wonder what that late night hour is worth and why my brain fights for it like I’ll never get it back. Perhaps the question could be raised — what if I never wake up? But if that’s really the case, then what happened in that hour, those last few waking moments, that mattered? Does it matter? Should it?