I want to write out the things that are happening. What’s moving in our lives and what I am learning. To be honest, the last post has been a bit of my anthem lately. Consider it an attempt to throw my fists in the air to let everyone know I’m prepared to fight for my dreams and ambitions. But lately, it’s been hard to not be swallowed up by a desk job that leaves me feeling less creative and less interesting than I’d like to be. I find myself searching for someone else’s words and creativity to capture the strange empty tensions that bubble up inside of me.
So, let’s just say maybe I don’t know what I am doing with my life. Sometimes I feel as though I am wandering around aimlessly but in a part of town I’d rather not see. Is it the worst? No. But do I want to be stuck moseying around here all day? Not so much. Then I ask myself, how do I keep ending up here? Why can’t I get to where I am supposedly going? Or at least in a place I feel led to be?
Not only do I feel sometimes that I have some skills and ideas that are completely overlooked, but also—I have potential that I don’t know how to tap. How do astronauts get good at flying to the moon without their maiden voyage?
I have a good life with a wonderful husband and a happy home. That part is awesome. What I can’t seem to figure out is how my skills/strengths can be applied in a career path that doesn’t run me over or pull the rug out from under me. All I can do is keep trying. But when all the trying doesn’t seem to do anything, it starts to creep into my life with my husband and friends and happy home. This just cannot be.
