People say they have no regrets in life. I don’t know that I have any major regrets, but sometimes my longing for things to be good and right means I can become preoccupied with “what ifs” and “why nots”. What if I had turned down that job? Why didn’t I say it that way? What if I had her as a bridesmaid in my wedding? Why didn’t I buy a second pair of my favorite shoes when I had the chance? I can get so hung up on these details. I want to get the most out of life, the best deal and the optimal experience. Which is why when we last went to the movie theater, five minutes in I insisted we switch theaters because we chose the wrong movie of the two options.
It’s often the first thing I think of—how could this have been better? Why didn’t I do this? Now that I know better…ah, geeze. In a time of such crazy transition and life change it’s hard not to wonder where my life is going and how I can set it on the best path. With my recent job search I’ve applied to, and even interviewed for, jobs that would suit me yet have me heading in an entirely different direction. It’s enough to really make my head spin.
But what I try (and fail) to do is to consider what happened instead. I took that job and learned a lot about myself and made some new friendships. I said it the way I said it and found out who stood behind me. She wasn’t a bridesmaid, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be one of my favorite people to talk to. I’ve found a new favorite pair of shoes since the old ones were in such a shambles. It’s because of these situations that I’ve had some great experiences or just some interesting stories. It pushes me and challenges me. I can’t change that decision that happened years ago or take back what I said. All I can do now is live with it and hopefully make a better/different decision when the opportunity next arises. The perfectionist in me continues to grapple with this, but hopefully admitting to this struggle will help me stop over-analyzing the past.
