How quickly we forget

How quickly we forget

Where did I put my keys? When’s the library book due? Did I take my vitamins yet today? What’s the name of that person…the one I just met?

All day long, I’m reminded of my short memory. While I may be able to tell you exactly what happened the week before I graduated high school with vivid memory or spout out just when was the last time we all sat in the same room together, I also manage to forget everything.

I forget what life was like before toys were everywhere and a toddler was serving as my primary alarm clock. I forget the strength of the body of work I’ve created or what I’m capable of. I forget how brave I’ve been and the kind of incredible moments it’s caused. I forget who cares about me or what kind of impact I’ve had at some point. I forget the many goals I’ve achieved and bucket list items I’ve checked. I forget the places I’ve seen and people I’ve encountered. I forget what I’m working towards, what we’re aiming for at the end of the day, week, month, or year.

Because I’m not paying attention. 

I’m tired. I’m distracted. I’m bored. I’m lonely. I’m self-depricating. I’m jealous. I’m busy. I’m scared.

Here’s the thing, I think sometimes we’re living the lives of our dreams. We’ve forgotten that this, what we once wished for or only imagined, is what we’ve wanted all along. Instead of achievement or elation, we forget because we’ve already started dreaming and lusting after another life. We get to this point, wherever it may be and it isn’t everything we expected. So we move on and determine that this wasn’t the life we dreamed up, because it’s simply not enough (or too much). There’s still a struggle and grind toward that next hurdle to cross.

Now don’t misunderstand me when I say that sometimes we’re living our dreams because in reality, sometimes we are living our nightmares. This is not to make light of those very real and painful moments. There are seasons of grief or misery that strike, and those are most obviously not the lives we’ve dreamed of.  But those times may remind us of what we’ve forgotten, either in the moment or once we’ve gotten to the other side of the season. 

So what have I forgotten? That I spend time each day watching my son learn and grow. That I love the man I married. That we live in a space and city that suits our needs. That I am healthy and capable. That I’m working as a writer in a freelance capacity. That I have friends and a community to support me. That I have the opportunity to be creative, generous, and kind.

Junior high me is swooning right now. High school me is overjoyed. College me is amazed. Early twenties me is ecstatic. Mid-twenties me is thrilled. And late twenties me? Feeling forgetful but grateful.

Are there things in my life that aren’t ideal? Sure. Am I sometimes lonely or exhausted or bored or about to go crazy if I hear another battery-operated kid song? Yes, absolutely. But in so many ways, this moment I’ve landed on is fulfilling so many of my hopes and dreams. Therefore I want to live in celebration of what it is I have and what has been achieved. Instead of living in comparison or discontentment, I want to cherish and commemorate. Perhaps, this is as good as it’s going to get. You know what? I’ll take it, because in more ways than one, I’m living my dreams.

And that’s something I don’t want to forget.

Good Friends

Short and sweet tonight – I am quite grateful for friends, even those in far away places. Some days I can still feel distant and misplaced here. Certainly not all of the days, and we do truly feel that this is home. But every once in a while you hear from a friend who’s known you for so many years that you don’t even have to think about what you’re saying. They’ve heard the good and bad, silly and strange. Even on days when I don’t know quite where I fit or what my purpose always is, I’m so glad for the friendships that allow me to just be myself.

Thursday Three

Sometimes, you just need a break from the bad days and frustrations. Today managed to squeeze its way in and be that break. Nothing particularly awesome happened today, but it was just a good day. That is surely something to be glad about, so I will take it for all that it is. 

1. Startups = crazy + awesome Over the weekend we got to go see the final pitches for 14 startups that participated in Triangle Startup Weekend. Teams put together a business (mostly online tools and apps) and had 56 hours to put it together and present it to a team of judges and potential investors. It was interesting, exciting and just a good reminder to keep your imagination alive.

2. Dressing up like cows is always worth it for the free meal.  The hubby and I dressed up for Chik-fil-A day and walked away with full bellies and a bit of laughter over which customers managed to look the most like bovine. Since I was forbidden to post actual photos of our attire, here’s proof of our level of commitment.


3. I realized how jam packed the next 30 days will be. We have people coming to visit, a couple of trips to take, packing and planning to do and a move to make, all in the middle of a busy month at work for both of us. So, although this past weekend/week was supposed to be a time for us to dive into all of that, I’m glad we didn’t. We kicked back a bit and did a few things that needed to be done. Any time with my husband is time well spent and I am grateful to have him in my life.