No, I Never Get Enough

I fight sleep each night. Something in me says there’s still some life to live and it’s not going to happen when I’m sleeping. My brain keeps going while my eyes begin to squint. I want to do that one more thing or figure out my life’s plan or whatever.

Each morning I hate myself for fighting the sleep. All I feel like fighting is my alarm… as well as all of society for making me wake up before I’m was ready. I vow to go to bed earlier that night and slap my hands a few times before swinging my feet out of bed.

Is there a point in this all? Maybe. It just makes me wonder what that late night hour is worth and why my brain fights for it like I’ll never get it back. Perhaps the question could be raised — what if I never wake up? But if that’s really the case, then what happened in that hour, those last few waking moments, that mattered? Does it matter? Should it?

Earth Shattering

As I lay on the couch surrounded by tissues and cold remedies, watching yet another documentary on Netflix, I am guessing you are not jealous at all of my “adventures.” Oh yeah, let’s also remember to add the fact that I am currently searching for a job. Living the life.

Okay, so maybe my life isn’t awe-inspiring today. Despite a move without security, some bold decisions and my proximity to the mountains, here I am, struggling to breathe out of my nose. Impressive, huh? Maybe paying the bills and doing dishes is inevitable. So succumb to the mediocrity? No. But don’t be inhibited by it either.

I think sometimes we can let passion and excitement get away from us. We start dreaming of greatness and impact. The vision can seem so clear in our minds. It’s awesome, too. We need that vision, that drive, that passion. But when life throws something more mundane our way, we can get completely thrown off track. For some, that means not ever dealing with the chores and responsibilities of life in order to keep on towards the dream. For others, it amounts to being bogged down so much by the monotony that we lose sight of the dream. Both are terrible pitfalls.

We have to fight through both to achieve anything. And the word is fight. It can’t happen without insane effort and perseverance. I’m also of the belief that it can’t all happen at once and it can’t all happen (more on that later). There’s going to be lulls and there will be peaks. But I truly think that consistency makes all the difference. The continual push, the major and minor decisions. Keep pressing forward.

Closer to Family*

Over a month ago I blogged about why we were moving and on that list was to be closer to family. It had a star clarifying that while we’d be farther from other family, we still wanted to be closer to family. Beyond that, I think more clarification is needed.

Right now, we’re real close. I’m talking packed in the same house with a sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew. I get to hear “Auntie Sam, Auntie Sam” all day long and talk late into the night with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. There’s an added sense of community and ownership with your family. Without kids of our own, our nieces and nephews are definitely people we want to invest in and see grow up into wonderful, giving people. It’s an awesome thing to be a part of, even in small way.

Today we’ll go visit the hubby’s grandma who recently celebrated her 80th year. We’re excited to be a part of her life and visit more than once every two years. It’s hard to know I’m so much farther from my grandparents, but I’m glad to be able to visit one of our grandparents.

All of this said, being closer to family was one part of this move. Family is a great and beautiful and even challenging thing. But it isn’t the thing. Only one thing can be the thing to plan your life around. The thing to put all of your faith, hope and love into is a relationship with Christ. When Jesus first starting calling disciples, they were in all different stages in life. Some left their family (Matt. 4:21-22), some left their jobs (Matt. 9:9). He called others to leave their wealth (Mark 10:21) and I’m guessing many left some friends, dreams and goals as well.

Family is a blessing and a gift, but it can’t be our main priority. Jobs are a great thing, and we’re called to work hard. Leadership and volunteering is an admirable thing. Growth and learning is awesome. All of these things are good, but not one of them is the “main thing.” Each of these can be important to have in life. But if you focus too much on one thing, what if you’re missing the bigger picture? What if following God means there’s so much more in store for you than a great job? Or weekly meals with extended family? Or another certificate to hang on the wall? What if these things, as great as they might be, hold you back from an even greater life of following Him?

I think I’m learning to value what we have in this life, yet be willing to let it all go. That statement alone is terrifying, but we can’t hold on too tight. It’s not ours. It may be a good thing and a helpful thing, but unless it’s the thing, we have to be willing to let it go.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6