Too Much is Too Much

Sunflower Field | Moving Peaces

This a full season–a packed time of so many good things, but in the end it’s making me feel exhausted and overwhelmed. To start, I’ve been out of town for four of the last five weekends. Not to mention, there’s been major happenings at work for both of us, a quick birthday party for him, and a number of out-of-town guests who have stayed with us. The next few weeks only bring more travel, more out-of-town guests, and more big projects and events. 

With so many good things happening, it’s hard to admit that I can’t wait for it to all be over. Somehow everything just got scheduled all at once, making September, October, and part of November exhausting before they even started. Some days it feels like too much but then I think, I should be able to take on just a little bit more! This is all good stuff, why should I need a break? We live in a culture that says more is good and if you’re adding more good things then it must be really good. After reading Shauna Niequist’s post on the Storyline blog, I was reminded today that too much is still too much, regardless of if it is good or bad.

Last week I said “no” to something I wanted to say “yes” to and said, “let me get back to you” on something I almost said “yes” to…but then literally ran out of time to simply send a text saying, “Yes, I’ll do it.” I didn’t blog once last week, and thankfully, didn’t feel any remorse about it even though I had plenty to say. I’d rather say yes to all the things and all the people,  but I’m realizing that not all good things are worth taking on, no matter how much I want to do them. 

The reality is, I could continue to have a busier life. I have a spare hour here or there that hasn’t yet been claimed or scheduled away. I could technically do more and hustle the heck out of my week. Somehow, other people seem to do it. Half of my motivation sometimes comes from looking around at the people who manage to pull it off…all with three or four kids and amazing looking instagram photos to boot.

So why do I keep failing? If they can do it, why am I having such a hard time keeping it all together with my no kids and fuzzy instagram photos? What’s my excuse for always being slightly behind and never quite enough? Why do I have these goals and dreams, but so little energy that it seems they are impossible to achieve?

I don’t have the answers to those questions…but I can feel with everything in me that this needs to be a season of soaking up as much rest as possible. We’re still not out of the woods with all the things we have committed to or the trips we are booked to take, but in the moments in between, rest is what we need.

Therefore, I’m giving myself permission to slow down. To let go of my own expectations and extend grace when rest is more important than the to-do list. This doesn’t mean abandoning my goals or backing out of all of my commitments, but instead discerning what is truly important right now. What needs to be addressed today and what will still be there tomorrow or next month. Where I should ask for help and when I need to say no. This is not shutting myself out from the world, but rather seeking the right balance and telling the truth about where I am right now.

My next few weeks and months will continue to be full, but with the extra little bits of time in between I will do everything I can to hold onto whatever rest that it offers.   

Motivation behind the Drive

In recent weeks there has been much discussion about our vehicles. Far more than I wish was the case. Currently, they are both posted on Craigslist, but that only means so much. At first, the plan was to sell both cars and buy a newer and better one to share. A few hours after we left the hubby’s car in the driveway we got a call from the city saying 1. We couldn’t sell a car there if we weren’t the owner of the house and 2. We couldn’t park on the lawn (okay, it was two tires on the lawn, two tires on the driveway due to our garage sale earlier that day). It felt like we were already failing when we had just begun.

The grand idea was that regardless of what one car we’d take, we could have someone else drive it there. That didn’t pan out. It’s fine and no questions asked. So, we went with Plan B – tow it with the truck. Neither of us were thrilled about this idea but felt it’d be better to be together and we’d just hope for the best. All the while, we continued to look for the car we’d like to buy and take with us.

This week it’s all hit. The car we had made an offer on turned out to be not quite as reliable as we needed it to be in order to make an offer. That was a major letdown. Plan C – take my car and fix it up a little more to make sure we’d be set for awhile. We took it in for an oil change and there are a few things we’ll need to do to it which will all add up. But, that’s what owning a car is, right? Repairs.

Before I can get my head around the fact that we’ve just changed plans in such a short time, I get more news. We’ve been advised to not tow the car. Just drive the truck. Figure out the car thing when we get there.

I might melt right here and now into a little puddle of stress and tears. We wanted to only drive the truck in the first place. Of course that’s ideal. We’ve been looking and trying to find the right and affordable vehicle for the past two months and just came up short. So, we shouldn’t bank on finding a car when we get there, to a much smaller town and area, as if it will be a quick and easy endeavor. Finally, while this advice may be quite valid, it doesn’t seem to solve the problem but rather presents a new one. 

I think the hardest part about this idea is that so many things are going out the door – jobs, furniture, stability, money. Having a car was the one thing that separates us from 12-year-olds as we stuff everything we own into a basement. We are about to go live in someone else’s home while we look for jobs. How will we be able to look for jobs (in another city 3 hours away from where we plan to live) without a car? The thought makes me feel stuck and trapped in a town we’d never want to live in without a way out. Plus, there’s no denying that this is a significant change in our lives. Going from a small house of two adults to a busy house of six – two of whom are children. It’s a lot to take on even with healthy boundaries. The thought of being there without a car, I can’t do it. I need to be able to know I have that final freedom to drive away. Drive to get out of the house. Drive to look for a job. Drive to familiarize myself with the area. Drive to have a moment of alone time. Drive to be free.