Thursday Three

This week has felt like the longest shortest week I can imagine. It’s as if time took its own course this week. I kept looking to my calendar thinking it had to be Thursday. It just had to be. For the working world, it was a short week so we can celebrate the nation tomorrow with barbeques, fireworks and red, white and blue summer bliss. For me, time just seemed to go on and on as if I was holding my breath while walking for miles.

1. Birthdays do not have to be a one day event. Over time I’ve found I’m much more of a one-on-one person or a small group person. Big parties aren’t my scene on a regular basis. So, instead of a big party, I had several get-togethers with people throughout the past few days. Nothing major or overdone, but some good people and time well spent. My birthday itself was a rather long day. All of my planned activities happened on other days so I found myself alone for the majority of the day and decided I wouldn’t allow myself to run any errands or search for any jobs. I did do a little cleaning, but I was glad to do it. I got a treat and headed to the art museum. I tried to reflect on everything I thought or felt, but you can only do that for so long. Furthermore, I had a hard time figuring out what it was I actually wanted, be it for lunch or in the next month.

(This painting has mesmerized me the last few times I’ve visited the museum. Is she tired? Upset? Sleeping? Praying? Checking her phone?)

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2. When there is an interview, everything else is put on hold. I had a few interviews these last two weeks, nothing worth getting into just yet but it’s been good to have. It’s boosted my confidence a bit. But let me tell you, if there’s an interview scheduled for 4:00 PM in the afternoon, there’s a chance I will cancel coffee at 10:00 AM for fear it might run late. Sounds ridiculous, but I think this might have also caused some serious slow-ness to my last week. I get so focused in and try to learn everything and say answer all of the questions well that I end up spending hours at home researching before I realize how stir crazy I am about to get. It’s been overwhelming at times, but good.

3. Timing does not always go as planned. There’s something about the weather that I love. We cannot control it, try as we might. There’s no penciling in a hurricane or counting on clear skies and sunshine. Loss is another thing you can’t always plan for or fit in with your schedule. Somewhat unexpectedly, my grandpa passed away this morning. This, all while my grandma, who he married 56 years ago and should be celebrating an anniversary with tomorrow, is in the hospital awaiting a possible surgery. This, all while my cousin, his granddaughter, prepares to get married this weekend 900 miles away. The timing is tragic. Having another grandparent pass away this summer seems too soon.

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There’s so much more I feel I could or should say, but nothing else seems fitting at the moment.

What’s the Skinny?

I’ve been discovered! Our position has been compromised!

A friend of mine called tonight to tell me she and her husband were moving from one part of the country to another and then added, “You aren’t moving yet, right?”

What?! I was completely thrown off. I mean, she’s among the people who’ve known me and that I want to move for years but in a sense, nothing’s changed. What no one’s supposed to know is that it’s actually happening. I don’t think I fielded that question as well as I would have liked. Shoot.

At this point, it is starting to get tricky though. At home, we’re talking about dates to go. I’m making a pile of items for a garage sale and packing things we will be putting in storage. To the outside world, we’re just doing life and taking a few weekend summer trips. But really, these trips are likely my last chance to see a lot of people, including my grandparents this coming weekend.

We are trying to be sensitive to what’s happening around us. We want to tell our workplaces sooner rather than later so that there’s opportunity to fill our positions. We want to tell our friends, but we also want to just enjoy spending time with them. I might be blogging (secretly), but we’ve told very few people. Those people either live out-of-state or we’re related to them. And part of it is that we don’t want to start saying things until we know what the heck the plan is. Right now we still have applications out in several parts of the country. So we wouldn’t want to say we’re moving to this state, when in reality we’re going the complete opposite direction. We’re getting really close to a plan. That plan being, move and figure it out. But even with that, we want to be cautious about it (in a healthy manner) and don’t want to let the cat out of the bag before we have to.

In that same breath, it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing I interact with people that have no idea. It’s a big part of our daily life right now, yet we’re trying to keep it under wraps. What kind of friend does that make me? I’m trying to drop subtle hints so no one is blind-sighted. I suppose though in some ways, that goes back to my fear of the perceptions of others. But this one is a bit more personal. I want my friends to know I care about them and therefore want to let them in on my life. So, friends, sorry in advance that the timing might be off when I do get around to telling you. We’re just trying to do what seems best for the time being.