When the hubby and I first started dating (over seven years ago…whoa!) not everyone understood it. Our close friends thought it made perfect sense as they had watched us become friends and flirt, pursue our dreams and decide to date. They saw how we reacted to different situations, together and apart.
At the time, his family and band lived a few hours away. They didn’t watch this natural progression nor did they have any idea of who I was. So when they met me, they were puzzled. Her?
I got so many questions as they tried to get to know me and understand why he wanted to date me. What instrument did I play? Did I like camping? Did I even like music? Why did I go to school so far away? What were my hobbies? What did I do in my spare time?
All fair questions to ask a person when you’re getting to know someone I suppose. But it didn’t translate. Why would my music-loving, multi-instrumentalist, boy scout, barista boyfriend want to date me? The girl who played no instruments, had never been camping and was an academic overachiever going to school in another state.
When you put it like that…hmm. Well? (Let me also mention that I was a broke college student, so he wasn’t after my money). We were both pressed by these questions of what we had in common and when put on the spot, couldn’t quite come up with an answer. We fought in circles, questioning expectations of each other and searching for answers we didn’t have. Those questions tripped us up because while they ultimately aren’t key factors in a relationship they were being treated as such. We knew we liked each other, but was that enough? Why didn’t we have all of the same hobbies and skills? Should we? Who should change?
It wasn’t until we realized we had the same values that we understood why we made total sense as a couple. Sure, we each have a hobby or two that the other has no interest in. We also both support each other and try to understand one another’s interests. All of that is fine and good, but our interests don’t truly define us.
We both see hospitality as a way of life. We believe creativity is of worth. We are deliberate in our spending habits. We care deeply for our friends. We love the same God.
These values made up who we were as a couple. Likewise, as individuals, our personal values have a greater impact on who we are than our hobbies do.
This post is a part of the Finding Self series for the 31 Days of blogging in October.
To see the all posts in this series, check out the Finding Self page.