Writers love to have experiences so they have something to write about. Give them a challenge or a thought that they can work through and give words to. It is another story to tell, a light to shed, and a trial to overcome.
But in the thick of it, the story is awfully uncertain. The ending is unclear and the resolution is weak. Words feel empty and forced, while the problem remains unsolved.
We all want the answer, the direction, the purpose in a story. Even in the artsy movies that all of a sudden fade to black, we look for the meaning and the motivation for each character. Whether an act of physical strength or some sort of epiphany, we want an achievement to be made.
Most storytellers try to wait until the story is long done before they relay it to anyone else. But blogs, they make that pretty hard on writers. I’ve spent months being vague or avoiding certain topics on my blog. Weekly recaps provide a few photos and give the appearance of a life well-lived. But there’s more to it than that.
The story over here feels more like ten stories, all with uncertain endings. Sure, I want to bring transparency to my writing and hate the idea of giving some false perception of perfection. I just wish I knew more of how this season of life resolves (and if it ever will). Before sharing all of the details, I want the benefit of time and distance to process it and allow the wisdom and lessons learned to (hopefully) set in.
So, forgive me because I don’t have juicy details or riveting and epic adventures to share. Instead, I have my basic needs met, a hopeful outlook, an unclear future, and a metaphorical rain cloud over my head. That might just be enough for now.
Oh my goodness, I’m not sure if this has ever happened before–it’s double blog day! Yep, two blogs posted on the same day. Sorry, but what’s a girl to do after writing all through the night and then it turns out still owes the people their regular Thursday blog? Double blog day it is (just don’t get used to it).
1. Encouragement can come in all forms. I was at a monthly presentation/gathering of creatives this past week and met this sprightly 73-year-old cheerleader. A cancer survivor who decided she wanted to be a cheerleader when she “grew up” now goes around telling people how great it is to be alive. Once you hear her victory cheer, you can’t help but agree.
2. Football has found a place in our home. I know, what?! Yes, you do have the right people and my musician husband is fully on board with this new trend. For whatever reason this was the year we decided it was time to watch one game a week and root for “our” team. Lucky for us, the Carolina Panthers have managed to stay undefeated so far, even though this past week’s game was a total nail-biter. Go team!
3. Every Halloween we look the same. You know, that day when people dress up in ridiculous costumes and get all excited about who they will “be” on their day off of being themselves? Yeah, well, we wear the same thing every year. Perhaps it’s laziness or as the hubby says “it’s a classic!” Therefore, he’s always Floyd the Mechanic and I’m a rodeo girl (or someone who wears bedazzled wrangler shirts with boots and pigtails). If you look at the past few years of Halloween photos, we always look the same, but sometimes what looks the same on the outside is totally different on the inside. This year’s Halloween included a “meh” pumpkin, working in costume, walking to see the most decked out house in town, and shouting out our guesses of what people’s costumes were downtown with a few friends.
Time would be measured by productivity if we were all robots. We could plow through all of the tasks and chores we have to do with no need to stop and eat or sleep. Distractions and hypothetical rabbit holes would have no place in the world. As robots, we could focus on whatever we were programmed to do.
Just think–if we were robots we could do all the things we now try and fail. There would be no such thing as a bad hair day or a bad boss. Nothing would stop us from achieving our goals, because we wouldn’t have the physical, mental, or emotional obstacles standing in our way. Doubt and fear couldn’t creep in and feelings of inadequacy wouldn’t win. There would be no putting your foot in your mouth or guilt from whatever mistake you made.
Some days, I just want to be a robot. To do everything just so and always know what to do. To work right on through my day, always checking off my to-do list. I want to never make mistakes and go after the things I was meant to do.
While this imaginary robot life might do everything right, it’s void of what makes life the wonderful thing that it is. Those moments where we struggle? That’s where the story comes in. The bad days, bad hair, and bad jobs give us something to relate about and support one another. The need to eat and sleep in turn give us reason to taste and an opportunity to dream. Distractions and thoughtful rabbit holes can lead to creativity, which brings beauty, art, and meaning into the world.
Lately I’ve poured myself into writing–writing for clients, writing for various publications, writing just for me. By the end of it, I’ve spent all of my energy writing down my thoughts and ideas with nothing left over. I look around and see a messy house, a list of to-dos long overdue, and every way that I have failed at something or with someone. I look back on my day and wonder where all the time went and why I can’t seem to get everything in order. So here I am, in the middle of the night, wishing I could be a robot. Thinking, if only I could press on through the night and skip sleep then maybe I could accomplish everything and stop disappointing people, myself included.
But we aren’t robots.
And when it comes down to it, I don’t really want to be a robot. I want this life as a human…even with the pain and mistakes, because I know it also brings beauty and joy. We get to feel and experience life, hold each other’s hands, and find laughter and grace. That beats productivity any day.
Hey there. We made it to Thursday. Yes, it has been a rough week, but I have also found many sweet hidden joys within it. So let’s claim all the wins, shall we? Because no season, month, or week is all bad all the time, just like no winter is below zero degrees every day (unless you live somewhere like Antarctica, in which case, what the heck is wrong with you?) and no summer brings only sunshine. Take the good and the bad for what it is, but give yourself the opportunity to acknowledge both as it happens. Here’s a few of our wins for the week…
1. This guy is my absolute favorite. Okay, so maybe that’s not new information to anyone. But seriously. He’s awesome, and I’m so glad to spend my days with him. I won’t gush too much and risk making him blush in public, but he brings such strength, kindness, and a sense of humor to our relationship. (Not to mention, he’s super talented and dropped another free instrumental album online this week.) Here’s a snapshot from two weeks ago when we snuck in a day of sightseeing in San Francisco on our way back from visiting with family in Oregon.
2. When you’re a grown-up you get to eat cookies for breakfast. So, maybe I’ve eaten cookies for about 75% of my meals the past few days, but hey, that’s not exactly a bad thing. If we’re celebrating the wins, then let’s all cheer for chocolate chip cookies. Have no fear, this is not a long-term plan…because eventually, we’ll run out of cookies.
3. All that’s left to say is, thank you. We’ve been given so much care, concern, and compassion the past few days. While my intent was not to alarm anyone with my last post, I will admit to feeling very loved through these harder life moments lately. Writing a blog means you get to hear more of the good and the bad. My thoughts and feelings get to go somewhere, but the trick is conveying it in a way that tells the truth without getting too tripped up by the raw emotion. Thanks for all the love and support.
I believe we all want to be known. We want our lives and our stories to matter. We want others to know us, to know the way we are.
I know you.
These are the words I gave my husband this morning, on this incredibly difficult day.
We want people to know our character and our motivation. Perhaps not every moment in life or all of the details, but we want to be known. We want others to know who we are at the core, regardless of the good or bad days to come. We want them to know what we are capable of and what we can be entrusted with. We want them to know our voice and the tone we set when we walk into a room.
At times, we want the victories and the defeats to be embraced, yet there are times when regardless of having an understanding of whatever situation is at hand, we simply need grace.
This is a hard day. A bad week. A trying season.
I don’t plan to share the details or get into specifics. But I do want to know and be known. I am so grateful for the dear people in our life right now that know us, without needing to know everything. But even more so, I am glad to be known by the one who matters most.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.” – Psalm 139:1
Five sweet, short, long, hard, crazy, wonderful years, and here we are.
We’re different than when we first met. Our goals have the same roots but have grown and changed just as we have. Our quirks and personalities, while still uniquely ours, have shifted over time. We’ve experienced pain and loss, just as we’ve experienced joy and grace.
I can’t say that life together has been everything we planned or expected. There’s no way we could imagine how we’d grow and change over time. We’ve taken on some incredible adventures and challenges I never would have dreamed we’d face. It is impossible to sum up all of the emotions and fun we have had. I cannot pretend it’s all been easy, but I also know it’s been more than worth it.
Five years ago we were two kids in love. Today, we’re still two kids in love, but somehow in an entirely different way.
This a full season–a packed time of so many good things, but in the end it’s making me feel exhausted and overwhelmed. To start, I’ve been out of town for four of the last five weekends. Not to mention, there’s been major happenings at work for both of us, a quick birthday party for him, and a number of out-of-town guests who have stayed with us. The next few weeks only bring more travel, more out-of-town guests, and more big projects and events.
With so many good things happening, it’s hard to admit that I can’t wait for it to all be over. Somehow everything just got scheduled all at once, making September, October, and part of November exhausting before they even started. Some days it feels like too much but then I think, I should be able to take on just a little bit more! This is all good stuff, why should I need a break? We live in a culture that says more is good and if you’re adding more good things then it must be really good. After reading Shauna Niequist’s post on the Storyline blog, I was reminded today that too much is still too much, regardless of if it is good or bad.
Last week I said “no” to something I wanted to say “yes” to and said, “let me get back to you” on something I almost said “yes” to…but then literally ran out of time to simply send a text saying, “Yes, I’ll do it.” I didn’t blog once last week, and thankfully, didn’t feel any remorse about it even though I had plenty to say. I’d rather say yes to all the things and all the people, but I’m realizing that not all good things are worth taking on, no matter how much I want to do them.
The reality is, I could continue to have a busier life. I have a spare hour here or there that hasn’t yet been claimed or scheduled away. I could technically do more and hustle the heck out of my week. Somehow, other people seem to do it. Half of my motivation sometimes comes from looking around at the people who manage to pull it off…all with three or four kids and amazing looking instagram photos to boot.
So why do I keep failing? If they can do it, why am I having such a hard time keeping it all together with my no kids and fuzzy instagram photos? What’s my excuse for always being slightly behind and never quite enough? Why do I have these goals and dreams, but so little energy that it seems they are impossible to achieve?
I don’t have the answers to those questions…but I can feel with everything in me thatthis needs to be a season of soaking up as much rest as possible. We’re still not out of the woods with all the things we have committed to or the trips we are booked to take, but in the moments in between, rest is what we need.
Therefore, I’m giving myself permission to slow down. To let go of my own expectations and extend grace when rest is more important than the to-do list. This doesn’t mean abandoning my goals or backing out of all of my commitments, but instead discerning what is truly important right now. What needs to be addressed today and what will still be there tomorrow or next month. Where I should ask for help and when I need to say no. This is not shutting myself out from the world, but rather seeking the right balance and telling the truth about where I am right now.
My next few weeks and months will continue to be full, but with the extra little bits of time in between I will do everything I can to hold onto whatever rest that it offers.
Hey there! For this week’s three, I started writing this from a cute little coffee shop in Indianapolis (and then finished it several hours later). What?
1. I’m on the road again. Because I don’t go out of town enough or something. It’s been a crazy few weeks, and I feel I’m in a new place every few days lately…probably because that would be accurate. I told you this was a full season, didn’t I? This adventure is in the name of the Influence Conference, where a whole bunch of women get together to talk about blogging and influence and faith…or at least that’s what I’ve been told. Sessions officially start tomorrow so I’ll be sure to give you more details about it in the days to come!
2. Having priorities means making sacrifices. I don’t think we can have it all. That’s maybe not a popular opinion, but I think it helps us to realize that we must focus our priorities on what we really want to achieve.
3. I’m more of an introvert than I thought. Being surrounded by people or being “on” for a certain amount of time tires me more than it used to. I find more peace in the quiet by myself, but I don’t think anyone is extroverted or introverted all the time. I think it’s more about striking a balance between the two in a given day or week. So maybe your extroverted job means you need more introverted personal time or vice versa. Maybe your introverted self loves a party every once in a while to change things up or your extroverted self loves reading a book. Finding what your preferences and needs are allows you to seek out the people and/or the extra space when needed, and I think that is such a valuable lesson.
p.s. That picture? Yeah…it had nothing to do with any of these three. Just a picture from this week with my favorite guy.
Go to any event or get together, and you’ll hear something along the lines of “what’s your story?” Whether it’s asking what your job is, where you’re from, what your relationship status is…whatever. We get the basic questions to start and then as we get to know people better, we get into more of the details. What did you do before that? What do you want to do? Where are you going? What’s your family like? Why don’t you…? When did you decide…? What can’t you eat?!
Personally, I love hearing a person’s story and think we should all keep sharing with each other. It allows us to connect, relate, and encourage. We learn from others and are inspired. But sometimes, the story stops us.
We hide from our stories or get stuck on one part of it. Whether it’s a failure or a hardship, we get tired of sharing that story yet feel it’s the only true story to tell. We convince ourselves that we’re lying if we don’t include it, so we either avoid people altogether or share more than we should. Instead of connecting, relating, and encouraging, we drown out the rest of our story with just one part of it.
So often in our minds we let a section, sentence, or chapter of our lives become THE story. For example, I could just be the girl who has allergies or the girl who has had a weird string of job troubles (or a number of other unfortunate things). At certain points in my life, that felt like all I would ever be or at least, all I seemed to talk about. Admittedly, those things used to take up a lot of my time and energy and understandably so. During said seasons when I was trying to figure out my health or trying to find a job it was miserable and exhausting. But I couldn’t figure out how to be anything other than that struggle.
The trick is to learn to tell your story without getting caught up in all of the subplots. I’m not saying you need to run from your story or ignore the parts that weren’t pretty. The hardships do have impact, but they do not have to be the only story we tell with our words or actions. Your story keeps moving if you let it.
Maybe you are in the thick of a subplot or maybe you don’t know what you want your story to be about. We’ve all been damaged, lost, hopeless, and heartbroken. Don’t let that stop you from living out an incredible story. There’s so much more in store–there’s more to the story than just this chapter. You have a bigger story to tell.
It’s Friday, and I’m just now getting to the weekly recap. Whoops. Here’s a few questions that I think are worth asking…
1. Do you have to? Sometimes you have a lot to do but then realize you don’t have to do it and really need to take a nap or call a good friend instead. A lot of this week I’ve been stressed out by my to-do list, only to step back and see that only a small fraction of it had to be done by the deadline I had given myself. There’s usually something that can wait a day and take a backseat to the things that are really important.
2. Did you take the chance you had? All summer long I’ve said we’ll get to a baseball game. A simple and small thing, but it didn’t happen last summer and here we are at the end of the season. With a packed weekend ahead, Monday night was our last chance, and I’m so glad we took it.
3. Who do you want to be like? I think we are each individuals with unique talents and dreams, but I also think we are greatly influenced by those around us. This weekend, my three-year-old niece wanted her hair to match mine, regardless of what it looked like. As we get older, that admiration may take a different form, but I think there’s still value in it. If there’s someone who you appreciate or respect, it’s worth realizing what it is about them that you would like to learn from and work towards. Maybe it’s their values, commitment, skills, work ethic or wisdom. Who are those people in your life? Are they the right people to learn from? What is it that you admire most?
